Okay, see, I don’t want to freak out the kids on the street by BLOWING OFF PIGEON HEADS HEEEHEEHEHEHEHPOTREZEBIE or whatnot. UHUHHHH MOMMEEEE WHYYYYY and all that. I’m good-neighborly that way. So, like, I guess I’ll check out Home Depot and listen to The Kurgan tell me about all the great deals they offer and see if they have some sort of killer birdseed that won’t kill ze kittens. I was wondering if anybody knew if they made that shit or not, because I’m not all that into a Home Depot 4th of July Weekend Bring the Kids Martha visit.
I’m reminded of the time my father - a sober hunter of 35 years - blew out the window in his Bronco II with a ricochet while shooting bumblebees in our carport with a BB pistol. He was quite embarassed.
My friend did exactly the same thing with a .22 while shooting at a skunk. Of course, that was out in the country, but same deal, richochet off the ground, right through the rear window.
Okay, so the hawk is out. How about a kitten picked up from the pound? They’re cute but deadly. Let them roam on the roof and, within a year, the pigeons will be cowed.
Don’t poison them. If you think you have a mess now, wait until 70 pigeon carcasses surround your house.
Heh yeah, but at this point, I think it’s only 1-3. One of them, man, s/he’s a tenacious em effer. I mean seriously, I spray his face with a water hose and it still lands.
Is anyone else amused by the mental image of Bill walking around with a hose yelling “Get off mah lawn!”?
Erik J.
Those plastic owl statues are really supposed to work. Some report good results with a rubber snake, but then a heron might come and eat the snake.
It’s not far from the truth. ARE YOU STUPID? ARE YOU THAT STUPID. OH DIDN’T LIKE THAT DID YOU?
Those pigeons sure put you in a fine(r) mood, Bill. Suuuure do.
Erik J.
I would Scurv, but I live in Vegas and it’s 110 out during the day. I THOUGHT I BOUGHT A WHITE CAT WHAT’S THIS BROWN DEAD ONE DOING HERE.
The best part of all of this, though, is that my thread about killing pigeons has indirectly caused Robert Sharp to jerk off more.
This thread reminds me of why I kick any pigeon that doesn’t move it’s fat ass out of my way while I’m walking.
Fucking rats.
I had an apartment in Toronto, just off of Highpark, which had a great view and a huge balcony. Unfortunately, the place had been empty for some time when I moved in. The pigeons had already taken it over. Inch thick with bird shit. Nests everywhere. I tried to fight them, but it was no luck, so they just got the balcony. When they started trying to sit on the window outside my room, I bought a spray gun and took delight in nailing them in the face. Note that like in Bill’s case, they did not stay away. They are too stupid for that.
Seriously though, it’s not the SCKRITCHIIITCHTCH that will annoy you in the long run. It’s the COOOOOCOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOOOCOOOOOOOOOO.
I’ve heard something about peas being great for choking pigeons to death.
Or that army food that swells up when combined with water. Mix with seeds
or something else a cat usually won’t eat. The birds are most likely to die,
though.
Or so I’ve read somewhere.
Bill, you live in Vegas baby! Whip out a .22 long rifle and plink those bitches out one by one. Hell invite the local boy scout troop over to work on their marksmanship merit badge or something.
Seriously. 22 rifles are hella quiet (especially with some coaxing whichmayormaynotbelegal) and if you’re only popping 100 feet or so, you can’t miss. Body blow! Body blow! Knockout! boink boink boink
I’ve had the same issue here with crows. Every spring I get a mated pair that nests in this pine tree at the corner of my backyard, then proceed to have babies and fly up and down my yard from back trees to front, stopping and screaming everywhere and waking up the whole fucking neighborhood.
And those fuckers are smart and devious. They never land long enough for you to target them with a rock, though they do taunt you. One morning last year I got so mad I stalked this huge one around my house for 20 minutes at 5AM with this baseball-sized rock in my hand. It played with me. It’d zip overhead, sit in one tree out back, then take off for a front tree when I’d get within firing range. I gave up a couple of times and went to go inside, and then it would fly really close for a moment, giving me the thought that maybe I could get it after all, before it would go HAW-HAW and fuck off again.
Finally threw the rock at it anyways, just to maybe scare it. Lined it up from about 200 ft. and fired this perfect strike right at the thing. I mean this was a rope from center field. Damn thing was dead, dead, DEAD…and then it flew off at the last second. I swear it paused before it took off, just to fuck with me.
So I’ve pretty much given the crows my back yard.
Yeah, crows are a hell of a lot smarter than you think. They really were screwing with you.
Crows are a hell of a lot smarter than you.
Fixed. :-)
I agree that Bill is lucky he doesn’t have a plague of Crows.
http://www.pbs.org/lifeofbirds/brain/
Too clever, by half.
“Intelligence–if this is what scientists agree these birds possess–is not limited to the birds we always thought of as “bright.” In recent experiments at Cardiff University in Britain, a pigeon identified subtle differences between abstract designs that even art students did not notice. It could even tell that a Picasso was not the same as a Monet. The experiment seems to show that pigeons can hold concepts, or ideas, in their heads. The visual concept for the pigeon is Picasso’s painting style.”
I’ve changed my mind about poisoning them. The fucking art critics need to die.
Bill,
Are they Rock Doves or Morning Doves? I just got a pellet gun (looks like a rifle) told my neighbors about the Rabbit and Grackle plague we have, and to my surprise they all said “you do what you have to do”. All of them have young children. I just make sure they’re not in sight when I shoot. Of course it’d help if I could actually hit one of them. I’m also going to take out the House Sparrows because we want other species of birds besides the aggressive nasty European variant. If you tell them you’re doing it because you’re a “nature lover” and want more diversity I bet they’ll support you.
…or you could move to red-neck Michigan where people go on dove hunts for… huh? 1/2 a chicken nugget?
I’m pretty sure they’re all feathered cunts.
I just got a pellet gun (looks like a rifle) told my neighbors about the Rabbit and Grackle plague we have, and to my surprise they all said “you do what you have to do”. All of them have young children. I just make sure they’re not in sight when I shoot. Of course it’d help if I could actually hit one of them. I’m also going to take out the House Sparrows because we want other species of birds besides the aggressive nasty European variant. If you tell them you’re doing it because you’re a “nature lover” and want more diversity I bet they’ll support you.
…or you could move to red-neck Michigan where people go on dove hunts for… huh? 1/2 a chicken nugget?
Yeah. I figure I’m going to wait until the little bastards are a) at school - it would be summer :( or b) asleep or at least not outside playing and cap these ratfuckers with a pellet gun. It’s that or the Glock.
Yeah, once you nail one of those fucking brats, they won’t be so all up in your grill. I suggest not leading them as much – kids can’t move as fast as you might think. Short legs.