20 Things You Have to Believe to Be a Republican Today:
Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you’re a conservative radio host. Then it’s an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery
The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.
Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.
“Standing Tall for America”; means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.
A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.
Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.
The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.
Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won’t have sex.
A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies,then demand their cooperation and money.
HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.
Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.
Global warming and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.
Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush’s daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.
A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.
Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.
The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.
You support states’ rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.
What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.
Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.
[size=2](taken from Steve Gilliard who took it from Atrios’ comments)[/size]
Bah. The same kind of list can be made for Democrats, but Republicans are spending too much time contributing economically to society to bother drafting something as inane. :lol:
Bah indeed. It’s a silly list. I’m a pretty conservative Republican kinda fella, and I flat-out disagree with some of those items, and disagree with key aspects of most of the others.
There’s just as much internal contradiction in the Democratic party. It’s inveitable in a two-party system because both parties have to cater to the competing factions within their midst.
Every item on that list is an opinion held by a literal person - namely, Bush, near as I can tell - not a “conflict between disparate subgroups of the party.” Bit of a difference between competing factions and doublethink.
See, the problem is that it’s not humorous, ironic, or insightful. But I know that conservatives have issues with those things…
What it needs a second half. Perhaps “Then you will be hounded for the rest of your life by right wing idealogues who will trade on your tragedy for their personal political gain.”
2.) Bush is a boob, ergo all Republicans must be shortsighted, prejudiced, fools.
Oh, wait, that was the message of the original list wasn’t it. My bad.[/quote]ok, all republicans are great, except for the FUCKING PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. but we’ll let him slide, it’s only one man.
Interesting, I don’t really find “Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.” to be humorous, ironic, or insightful. Perhaps it too, needs a second half, “Then you will be hounded for the rest of your life by left wing idealogues who will trade on your mistakes for their personal political gain.”
Perhaps if Kennedy had notified authorities promptly, instead of waiting until the next morning, 10 hours after the fact, I’d have a little more sympathy towards Kennedy’s plight.
Noun, I assure you that it can be done. Easily in fact. That’s why I set it up a game…so we can all particpate in the fun. Why, I’m betting that that moderate independent Midnight Son is composing a slew of knee-slapping generalizations of Democrats as I write this.
I can hardly wait for the racism and crudeness that we’ll be subject too.
But if you can really do it creatively my hats off to you.
Interesting, I don’t really find “Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.” to be humorous, ironic, or insightful. Perhaps it too, needs a second half, “Then you will be hounded for the rest of your life by left wing idealogues who will trade on your mistakes for their personal political gain.”
Yeah? When did Shwarzenegger die? Because I haven’t heard anything about it in the last few months.
But again, you’re missing the point. See, the irony is that the Rebulicans are decrying these things unless it’s one of their own.
i·ron·ic
adj.
Characterized by or constituting irony.
Given to the use of irony. See Synonyms at sarcastic. Poignantly contrary to what was expected or intended: madness
Hey, the second attempt to accuse me of racism in that last month! Great!
Who do you think I am, Brian Knootz? I have better things to do with my time than generate idiotic lists. But you guys keep coming with those side-splitting “How many x does it take to screw in a light bulb” jokes. They’re G-G-G-R-REAT!
[size=2]And by “great”, I mean tired and desperate.[/size]
