2019 Horror Movie Roundup

In my own personal and utterly inconsequential book of genre taxonomy, a movie that plays to the fear of a woman alone in the woods stalked by redneck rapist killers in cahoots with the cops is horror. In fact, I’d say it’s one of the genre cliches you’re referencing, and it’s very nearly in “girl in the basement” territory. The difference in Rust Creek is that she puts up quite a fight at first. But to me, it’s a matter of tone. If it’s played for thrills, it’s a thriller. If it’s played for dread, it’s a horror movie. Rust Creek seems more inclined to dread.

Mostly, though, I found it pretty forgettable and often flat-out awkward. The central relationship is interesting, but that’s pretty much all it’s got going for it. And I can’t see the actress’ name without reading it as “cornfield”.

-Tom

The reason I couldn’t find any horror here was that the “redneck rapist killers” seemed way too goofy and incompetent to be properly scary. They seemed like what the reality of being stalked in the Kentucky backwoods really would be like…you’d be surrounded by druggy creeps who are also mostly addled idiots. Dangerous, sure; as drug peddlers with guns usually are…but not really terrifying because you never at any point feel like these morons have the upper hand. Not really.

Despite the lack of real scares and the occasionally awkward staging, I found it an interesting story and certainly engaging enough.

Yeah, that makes sense. They do turn out to be idiots, don’t they? By the time they get pwned by a microwave oven, Rust Creek has pretty much abandoned any pretense of instilling dread.

-Tom

Just finished watching Cam on Netflix, after some recommendations elsewhere. It’s got all the signs of some shlocky low budget exploitation flick selling itself on sex, but I have to say I thought it was actually really good. The writer apparently has experience in the camgirl industry so it’s pretty authentic as far as that side of things go, and frankly it’s a business that’s already kind of creepy, so when you add the horror elements…I found it considerably disturbing and unsettling.

(And there are some nice breasts on display as well, I will admit.)

I also watched the Deliverance meets Wintersbone meets Breaking Bad mashup that is Rust Creek and agree with the consensus that it is highly skippable. I did enjoy the quiet moments where the meth cook was talking to the girl though.

Watched Piercing last night, the recent movie from Eyes of My Mother-director Nicholas Pesce. Not sure if it stuck the landing, but I really enjoyed it. Stylish and twisted (fucked-up in places, actually), but still darkly funny. I loved the little giallo touches: the practical effects, the obvious use of models in the establishing shots, the soundtrack. Pretty great stuff.

Knowing this guy is directing The Grudge remake gives me a little hope that it might actually turn out OK.

So, basically Joe Bob Briggs says “Check it out!” ?

Starring Linda Cardellini. Directed by Michael Chaves, who is also slated to direct The Conjuring 3.

Note that The Curse of La Llorona is not supposed to be part of “The Conjuring Universe.” It’s an entry into the growing category of US-made horror films meant to appeal to Hispanic audiences.

Saw Happy Death Day 2U last night. I was really surprised by how good and funny the first one was, but…how do you make a worthwhile sequel to a time loop movie, right? Well, they did it. I’d say it’s at least as good as the first one and maybe even a smidge better. Crazy.

Also thread relevant: one of the trailers ahead of it was what appears to be a Child’s Play remake starring Aubrey Plaza. So…that’s a thing.

Hole In The Ground is not on the list for some reason, but I love creepy kid movies so had to see this. Pretty damn tense. The little kid in this should get a prize for creepiest kid of 2019.

Going to see Happy Death Day 2 tomorrow night. Can’t wait.

From the director of Hereditary:

I am all in on Midsommar. Folk horror + Ari Aster is pretty close to an optimal-sounding movie.

Oh no. Meir Zarchi, the writer and director of the original 1978 “I Spit on Your Grave” has made the official sequel. “I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu” and Camille Keaton reprises her character from the first movie, Jennifer, but now with a grown daughter. To say it looks low budget and awful is being generous.

Does anyone else who’s watched ads for Captive State feel that it’s gonna suck just based on how phoned in John Goodman’s performance seems in said ads? Unlike, say, his performance in 10 Cloverfield Lane.

Mercy Black on Netflix.

It seems to be “inspired” by that real-life Slender Man case where a couple of young girls stabbed another girl for some insane reason. This was OK. Better than that execrable Slender Man movie, but nothing particularly new. And it’s nice to see Janeane Garofolo getting some work.

Ha ha, you watched Mercy Black.

I agree that it’s good to see Garofolo on screen, but ugh, what a thankless role. Also, Daniella Pineda was fine, but she’s not quite as crazyhot without the glasses she wore in the Jurassic Park movie.

-Tom

The Alamo had a special showing of Black Site , an 2018 indie movie I knew very little about going in. Ultimately, I liked the premise, a few of the actors, and some of the beats, but the villain was tedious and it was generally a fairly amateur production. Still, not bad for $3.50 or so a ticket (it was $7 on a buy-one-get-one deal) and as we were among maybe four or five people in the audience, we ended up with a good bit of the promo basket the theater owner brought in. So I came home with a DVD of Lasso, a movie described as follows: “A tour group outing turns deadly when the crazed, bloodthirsty cowboys from a local rodeo attraction start abducting and killing people!” Sold.

Okay, okay, I’ll talk about Black Site a little more. Basically, the premise (as unfortunately laid out in an opening voiceover/title montage - this should have been ditched) is that there are Elder Gods. Humanity managed to kick them out with magic, but they came back, and so a secret military force known as Artemis was established to hunt them down and “deport” them back into the other universe where they were banished. We are told that once deported they never come back ('cause that sure stuck the first time? IDK). Artemis maintains black sites where the deportation happens, and the movie is set in one of them. They’re theoretically very secure, with wards against combustion and “electrified light field” defenses, but Artemis is winding down since they’ve deported most of the Elder Gods at this point and mostly the black sites are just a dead end post, underfunded and boring (and because there’s no combustion, there’s no hot water or smoking) except on the rare occasions a deportee is brought in. Our heroine’s parents were killed by an Elder God named Erebus, and he’s just been captured and brought to the black site for deportation. Except of course his cult is on the way to rescue him, and he’s established some sort of occult connection with her that makes her presence dangerous, and…basically it’s her and a doofy British guy (the deportation officer) fighting their way through a bunker full of tunnels and masked cultists (also one with one eye, ninja gear, and two katanas) while Erebus monologues in extremely cliched fashion to her boss and a field team operative that helped raise her.

And you know, it’s kinda fun. The movie is best when it’s deploying its sense of humor, okayish when she’s fighting, boring when it’s trying to establish the Elder God as scary or otherworldly in any way.

Edit: I guess it was at a festival in 2018, but the wider release (insofar as it’s getting one) just hit. So it’s a 2019 movie in my book!

Ha ha, you saw Black Site!

It was an obvious nod to Escape from New York. Which is lost on you youngsters these days! Get off my lawn!

Dude, you’re burying the lede! The “no combustion” thing was used to justify all the punchkick fighting in lieu of gunplay. No combustion means guns don’t work, which is why everyone has to punch each other or use stun batons or swords. That one silly little plot detail is the justification for how this this movie imagines itself as the equivalent of Indonesian fight movies like The Raid.

I do like it when movies cast women with an obvious background in stuntwork to be their badasses. Seem to me that was the movie’s main agenda. Kickass women kicking ass. There was some solid physicality here! Too bad they tried to force it into a no-budget amalgam of Lovecraft and Escape from New York, neither of which really worked. :(

Festivals never count as release dates when it comes to making lists! Black Site is most definitely a 2019 movie!

-Tom

EDIT: Ooops, the whole reason I posted was to suggest a much better low-budget Lovecraft movie. I was hoping Black Site would be more like this:

Absolutely. But I thought it was much more entertaining as the reason why it sucks to work there.