3x3: best guards in movies

We discuss our favorite guards in movies at the 1:47 mark of the Qt3 Movie Podcast of Everybody Wants Some!!.

Tom Chick
3. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
2. Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens

  1. Naked

3. Rushmore
2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail

  1. Dave

Kelly Wand
3. MacGruber
2. MacGruber

  1. Apocalypto

The coolest thing about this topic is that you totally get to decide what a guard is. Listen to the show to hear us carefully discuss our choices and to hear Kelly read some listener choices. Anime alert!

Send in your choices for the next topic to [email protected].

My favorite thing about Tom’s #3 choice is that Michael McDonald plays a guard in all three movies! Yay!


Indiana Jones and The last Crusade - “He chose…poorly.”

I just watched this recently with my son, and it didn’t even occur to me. Great choice.

I always feel so bad for him at the end, as the whole place is falling apart and you realize he’s going to be stuck in there forever. Here he thinks upon being “bested” by Indiana Jones that a worthy knight has come to relieve him of his duties. He handles this so honorably, and you have the feeling that finally, after hundreds of years, he can relax in the knowledge that another will take on his duties. Nope. Sorry dude. You get to meet a Nazi or two instead, and then wave at everybody as the whole place collapses.

I’m kind of sad now.


“That’s the cup of a carpenter.”

Tony’s escape scene in Iron Man 3 features 2 really great guards. The first is referred to as “Ponytail Express”, who knows the answer to the question “What’s the mileage count between Tennessee and Miami?” immediately. To his co-jailer, he says, “I’m good like that.”

Once Iron Man has taken the upper hand, one guard throws down his gun. “Honestly, I hate working here. They are so weird.”

Both of these guys have more depth than many movie’s foreground characters. Shane Black should write every script.

Cool Hand Luke

I love this quote so much.


I still remember the first time somebody got it when I quoted that scene from Cool Hand Luke. Or tried to. I was in an acting class pretty soon after I moved to Los Angeles. A little acting class taught by this old-school actor and I really loved it, but I didn’t quite fit in (mainly because I didn’t smoke…although I tried to). I can’t even remember what I was responding to when I said it, but the teacher was making a point about a scene or monologue somebody was working on, and I responded with, “Shaking the bushes, Boss.” I do know it was context appropriate, which for those who know me will be a surprise.

The teacher barely even laughed, but he did crack a smile. And just sort of turning to look at me over his shoulder he said, “I know what you’re talking about.” Everybody else in the class was all, “Huh?” It was a nice little bonding moment.

Of course that line isn’t even in that scene. It comes close, but like “Play it again, Sam,” that line isn’t said in that way in the movie.

Not that matters for your pick. Your pick is a cool pick, Jason.


I came in here to say exactly this and you beat me to it. That poor guy was sat in there for so long on his own. Worst job ever.

The Running Man : “I got to score some steroids”