3x3: Movies About the Wrong Character

Tom

  1. Chernobyl Diaries - Yuri

  2. Drive Angry - William Fichtner

  3. The Innkeepers - Lena Dunham

Dingus

  1. The Mechanic - Ben Foster

  2. Contraband - Ben Foster

  3. Terminator: Salvation - Sam Worthington

Kelly

  1. Poltergeist - the teenage daughter

  2. The Omen - God

  3. The Dark Knight Rises - the guy Bane says, “NO!” to.

Uh…?

Ben Foster is excellent, he very nearly stole the show in 3:10 to Yuma.

Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory (1971) - Dump that Charlie kid and let’s focus on Grampa Joe. Much cooler guy - once he gets out of bed, anyway. Veruca Salt would actually be preferred - but that might be too short of a movie.

Star Wars Prequels - Change the focus from Anikan to Obi Wan. At least you have a competent actor in place.

Yeah, this is the obvious one. I think the RedLetterMedia guy pointed out that in the first movie, Vader was kind of a washed up relic of another time, almost a joke to the extent that a military general would make fun of him to his face. Progressive years of Jedi-worship turned him from a very cool player in an essentially family drama to the most important person in the universe ever.

Grandpa Joe is a lazy bum. His family is barely getting by and he can’t be assed to leave his bed for years. He is perfectly capable of walking and functioning like a normal human being as soon as a free trip to the chocolate factory comes into the picture. Where were those legs when you were supposed to go get a job and support your starving family?

Forrest Gump needed to be about the Robin Wright character.

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead. That Prince Hamlet fellow seems like an interesting chap.

I LOL’d. Well played, Ginger!

It is pretty obvious that he was only in the bed for the foursome action that took place every time both Charlie and his mom left the house. The trip to the chocolate factiry was simply a way to get some “supplies” for their future antics.

I now need to wash my brain out with bleach. Thanks, Kemper.

The Last Starfighter – Rather than focus on a callow teenager coming to terms with his super-awesome arcade skills, the movie should have told the story of Centauri, the cynical old secret agent sent on a desperate, hopeless mission to recruit an alien idiot savant for a war that is all but lost.

Marion Cotillard in Inception: I like Inception well enough, and the heist was well done if a bit long, but what really intrigued me was the idea of two people falling in love, and secluding themselves in a dream world of their own device (sic?). I especially loved that one scene, where a bunch of old people in Marrakesh(?) dreampt together. So I’d like to see how Ms. Cotillard and Mr. DiCaprio met, fell in love, started a family, and how it all fell apart. Do people go on dates in dreams? Do they bring their kids? There’s a lot to explore.

Greta Gerwig in Arthur: This kinda falls into the Lena Dunham I’d-like-to-see-more-of-this actor category. Ms. Gerwig does a great job of grounding manic pixie dream girls in reality, and I’d love to see a a sort of reverse manic pixie dream girl movie: why would a quirky girl fall in love with a flawed guy?

I was trying to think of an old movie, and all I could come up with is Harvey in Harvey. There’s been plenty of movies about alcoholics coming to terms with their disease, but precious few about invisible (imaginary?) rabbits. Only problem is it might be difficult to film.

I’d include the original trilogy in that, at least until Return. Luke was just the centerpiece around which all the good characters orbited. I think R2D2 is really the though-line for the series.

The Pianist

Ha ha, you saw the Arthur remake. So I presume you’ve seen Greta Gerwig in Greenberg? If not, stop reading this post and do so immediately.

-Tom

The problem with the first movie that pops into my mind is that by saying I’d like to see a film following Claude Rains’s Captain Renault from Casablanca, I guess I’m giving the impression that I’d rather not watch the exploits of Rick and Ilsa at Rick’s Cafe Americain - and that’s really not the case. I just would really like to see Renault go about his daily business as a policeman in Morocco, ignoring crime and lining his pockets.

Claude Rains, making Vichy France seem cool since 1942!

-Tom

Of course I’ve seen Greenberg! Have you seen Nights & Weekends? It’s too mumble core for my tastes, but features an awkward sex scene at the end that makes the ones in Greenberg and Praise look suave.

Oh hey, got a new one - in fact, it’s almost cheating because you guys said exactly the same thing when you did this film on the podcast: Drive Angry should have been about Fichtner’s character. I only got around to seeing this recently but he’s the best part of the movie by far.

It’s actually cheating because it is in the OP.