A "Battle Brothers" adventure - (ignominious defeat!)


Battle Brothers is amazing and everyone on Earth should own it. OK, for the entertainment of possibly no one but myself, I thought I’d do a running diary of a Battle Brothers game. I like having the opportunity to read and look at pretty pictures so this is how I’ll do it.

I’ve only ever played on Easy level with massive save scumming, so moving up to Veteran Ironman will be… interesting. I’ll update this every, well whenever. Hope someone finds this less than boring. That being said, let’s head off into the scary wild world! The setup:

(I switched the seed to QT3. I forgot to retake the screenshot)

Battle Brothers: Chronicles.

Day 1:

Our slightly drunk party is accosted by some jerk named Hogwarts, I mean Hoggarts, and we must defend ourselves. I expect my crew is going to do a terrible job in battle, but instead their perform amazingly. Hey, I thought this was Veteran? My 2-handed axe dude lopped a guys head off and killed the other before Hoggfart the coward ran off.

Some of those pretty pictures:

The only character with any starting traits is Robin, who is fat, but eagle eyed:

The map:

If the Noble War happens as the first crisis I think I know who’s side I want to be on. House Kaltenborn has 11 cities?!#%! QT3 map seed is not balanced (though really just “3” since hexadecimal doesn’t translate Q and T)


We visit the town of Treiten to pick up some more peeps. All these guys could be good. Let’s throw caution to the wind hire them all!

Holy crap, my savescum guys on “easy” don’t ever turn out this good! Alfred the Apprentice is short and dextrous - a fantastic combination and his melee skill is wicked awesome:

Konrad the Farmer is a strongman who should survive and be happy doing it. Though he can’t hit the broad side of a barn at this point.

Bertolf the Brawler is going to build up his melee attacks fast with those two stars.

Ernst the Caravan Hand is a glass half full kinda guy with all around good starting stats.

I thought I’d be laughing about this party’s imminent demise at this point, but they’re looking pretty good. Little do they know how bad their commander is.

Priority #1 is to outfit Konrad and Alfred so they can see more than the next battle. Konrad should level up quick being an Apprentice and will most likely be the major damage dealer for a while.


I’m in! I own the game but haven’t played it much. It wasn’t very forgiving. Looking forward to getting some tips here.


This is not the way to start this adventure. I’m attached to all my guys already. I promised myself I wouldn’t do that so the losses wouldn’t hurt so bad. I need to hire some joker to take the pressure off the primaries, but first lets equip them and find that Hoggarts guy.

OK lets buy a spear, a shield, a broken mace, a crappy knife, a farmer’s straw hat, and a hood? Well we gotta protect their heads somehow and waiting to collect stuff after battle could be too late. Also, lets grab a bandage. Also look at that! This town is going to be an awesome trade spot! Dyes, wine, AND mead is sweet (ohhh literally).

Look at that crew all ready for… battle?

Lancelot tells us he wants to go get drunk at the big city of Wunderstadt.
I’m very worried my guys will get beheaded so I buy second-hand cloth and leather helms and shuffle the headgear around. Also get a shield for Bertolf the Brawler. I notice he’s wearing a tattered potato sack. I decide I can’t afford more armor so I tell fatty in the back to give up his beautiful thick tunic. He’ll wear the sack, but I promise he’ll be first to get new clothes as soon as we pull them off some poor sods freshly killed corpse.

Wunderstadt is a nice city full of terrified people. We’ll soon find out why I’m sure. There’s a Tavern, Fletcher, Barber, and ample trade goods here as well. Robin the Crossbowman (aka fatty) in the back is not happy. He’s been forced to wear an ugly farmer’s hat and stripped of his Robin Hoody clothes. He mumbles something about everyone looking cool but him. Click the picture below to see the new outfitting superimposed over the city.

Time to go find that tool Hoggart. Balancing the funds needed for repairs, food, and salary is challenging when you need armor so badly. Hopefully I spent wisely. Only time will tell.


The mayor tells us they cornered one of Hoggart’s men and found he’s hanging out near the mountains in a rundown shack. The first battle will take place at night. I’m scared. The night battle should help us avoid some long-range sniping from the poacher but at closer range all bets are off. Maybe I should wait til morning?

I decide morning is too far away and to attack now. Food and wages aren’t free.
Crap I hate hilly maps. But I kinda have the high ground if they press their attack.

Round 1 goes well. They advance and don’t do too much damage.

Round 2 Lancelot once again beheads someone. This guy is a beast! Meanwhile Robin the crossbowman has missed every single shot. I think it’s revenge for taking his clothes. Bertolf as expected is doing monster damage and kills one.

Round 3. Robin sees half the enemy dead and decides he should probably contribute. I tell him to target the poacher but he shoots Hoggart the Weasel instead. I can tell he’s going to be a pain.

I can’t believe it, but we’re able to surround the enemy and Hoggart is looking to flee. We pull out the knives and slice him to bits eyeing that sweet, sweet armor he’s wearing. Robin asks if it’s going to be his. I pretend I can’t hear him.

It’s an amazing loot haul for the first battle. Bertolf complains about some slashed leg but I don’t notice as I’m too pumped at how awesome this team is. Lancelot is already leveling. Decide to give him the Colossus perk so he has 25% more HP and it will also lower his chance to suffer debilitating injuries. He also gets +4 HP, +3 melee, and +2 melee defense from his level up.


This is fantastic, keep 'em coming.

I played this to completion once on easy and had just an absolute blast playing it. Keep meaning to dive back in, this AAR is definitively giving me ideas.


I might wear a potato sack, but I draw the line at second-hand potato sacks. I don’t want to catch anything worse than potato blight.


Still can’t believe our good fortune though Bertolf the sack-headed warrior is going to have to sit back for the next few battles to avoid dying. That cut leg reduces his melee defense a whopping 40%. I buy some tools to repair armor and weapons. Question is, do I spend 150g of my meager 700g left to buy a pitchfork so Bertolf can hang in the back, or hire another body?

As I’m about to leave town Robin reminds me he’s wearing a potato sack. If I hire another guy I’ll need some more clothing anyways, so I acquiesce and buy him a butcher’s apron. 25 hp is better than 5 hp right?

We head back to Wunderstadt to hire that Historian we saw. Upon arriving there’s another Apprentice for the same price. I like diversity but Alfred has such amazing stats and faster learning I decide to hire another one. Thoubaldald (what a name!) is a mixed bag. If he survives long enough he will be awesome. A 6-starred guy with stars in all the right places coupled with his 10% training bonus. But he’s got a bulls-eye painted on his torso with that -2 ranged defense.

Here’s the formation and loadout for the next battle. The 2 guys with below 50 melee are on the outside with spears as they receive a to-hit bonus with them. Bertolf is in back unless he needs to come around to assist. I lied about the apron. It has more hp than the shirt, so Robin has a 20hp shirt, but I did have a spare headscarf I gave him so he could “look cool” again.


We get a mission from city of Wunderstadt to clear a graveyard. They’re offering an awful lot of money this early in our careers. 90g advance, and 360g upon completion. I’m spooked. Decide to buy an intact shield with the advance money to outfit Bertolf.

Oh crap. Though this mission was 1-star it looks rough. They’ve got better armor and better weapons.

This could be bad…


But only one of them has a shield. I predict Victory for Team Pinard.


@Sharpe 's prediction comes true! Once again using morale against the enemy, some flee, but we’re able to surround the one guy who refuses to run. Lucky for us, he’s the guy with a shield who’s armor is miraculously intact. For the third battle in a row, Lancelot lops someone’s head from their torso. He’s so efficient he’s starting to scare me. Robin again refuses to shoot at who I tell him too. But since he kills a different target I don’t mind so much. The loot haul is fantastic.

Everyone but Bertolf & Konrad are now level 2. Gave all the melee guys Colossus, and Robin Pathfinder. Worryingly, none of the guys got more than 1 to melee defense on the level rolls so I assigned points outside of that skill hoping next level makes up for it.

I ask the Knights of Neeeee what our first ambition should be. Making friends with towns isn’t always easy, but hiring cheap men is. We choose to build our company up to 12 men. The crew is looking rugged and nicely geared - except for Robin. He still looks like a dork.


Great thread! Really looking forward to following this.


Excellent! I really need to check this game out but in the meantime I’m really enjoying these @jpinard.


Well done! I need to get back to this game also and give it a real try.


Off to a great start @jpinard.
Veteran is a beast. Don’t get too attached to your lads. You both need to get this game @Scott_Lufkin and @geggis.


I do have it, I have put almost 40 hours into it already! :)


Well, if the Bros ever get in a pinch, evidently Ancient Alien theorists assert that the Greys have left a way to get you stuff:


When’s the other shoe going to drop? That’s the feeling I get as the guys wake to see what holds outside our little vale of Vinland. We’ve only been together 3 days, some were just hired, but it feels like a lifetime. The men are close, and the newcomer, Theudobald, who hails from some far off territory, has been warmly welcomed… except not by Robin. Theudobald got all the gear Robin could have inherited, grumbling yet again about wearing the tatterings of corpses. The fact he’s never been face-to-face with an enemy, sitting in back as Crossbowman doesn’t seem to phase him. He’s got a big head, so I better get him a better hat before it gets shot off. Here in Wunderstadt I find a good deal on holey padded armor. They need fixing, but at half off, tools are cheaper than dead men.

Our home is Treiten in the vale of Vinland, but we’ve been curious about the forested village North of White Goat Mounds, Tanndorf. I tell the men we should have some reserve currency before trying to hit the 12 man ambition goal we set for ourselves. They’re fine with that as it means more food for them! Or more accurately, a lesser chance of them starving…


We arrive in Tanndorf in the morning and it is sublime. I think I’d like to live here. Shady, surrounded by forests, plentiful mushrooms, berries, and venison in the marketplace. There are Wildmen, Fletchers, and Hunters for hire. Definitely the place to go for our new hires. Carsten the Wildman is running around town naked so he could be a fun addition to our group. The tavern rumor-mill makes it sound like there could be a magic item off to the East. Will have to remember this for later.

There’s a 1-star mission available so let’s see what that’s about!

The Staff of Foresight has been taken, and for 400 gold they’d like us to recover it. They’re in some ruins wayyyy far away in the West. Wish I’d known how far before accepting, but too late now. On the way we’ll pass the stone fortress of Grunburg. It’s a pretty crappy fortress consisting of just a pig farm and barracks. What we really need is a Citadel with a Workshop, Ore smelter, and surface metal veins.