A "Battle Brothers" adventure - (ignominious defeat!)


Fun let’s play, keep it coming!

Unless I have more than 12 men, I always use the temple to get my men healed ASAP unless I just can’t afford it. Not only does it cut the recovery time from 3 or 4 days down to a day, it also prevents wounds from getting gangrene and the like.

Monks usually have great morale so if yours does, you could consider making him your standard bearer.

I notice you still only have one ranged bro. It would help a lot if you could add another (if you have anyone with a star of 2 in ranged and a halfway decent ranged offense stat).


Great job, Jeff! Keep 'me coming!


Very enjoyable read !!! QT3er’s names are a plus.


Hope no one minds the switching between past and present tense. Sometimes I’m posting real-time, other times I do a bunch of stuff then post. If it’s OK, I’ll take everyone that’s posted in this thread and add them to new recruits as I get them. A few characters will stay named that were referenced a lot earlier. The Monty Python tropes.

If there’s too much detail you think is unimportant to the story, I’ll be happy to trim things back. This may evolve organically as time goes on, but I’m always willing to listen :)


Not at all - this has been a blast to read!


I say write it however you like it. This forum will surely enjoy it.


Just keep writing however you want to and keep those guys alive as long as you can.


Whatever works for you! (Posting to get my name in there–feel free to mangle it as needed.)


This thread is great. I’ve got over 200 hours in this game and realize I know nothing. Learning a lot here.

There should be someone with an xp malus named Saracen.


Nice! You can use my name as well. :)


I pull the crew together, “It’s been a rough couple of days. Everyone is hurt except our Monk, Mok - and we lost 2 of our best men in as many battles. What’s our provision situation?”

Sharpe winces, “We’ve got some gear we can sell. For food we’ve got berries, grain, and a couple mushrooms. Enough for 3 days if you don’t make us cross any mountains. If you do, it’ll run out twice as fast”.

“We won’t go through any mountains Sharpe, half of you can barely walk.” I look at the stoic faces that surround me and notice Sharpe’s hand dangling uselessly.

“Sheesh man, you’re a mess! We’ll try and get you and Dan healed up. How many crowns do we have?”
“Not enough sir” spits Lancelot. “And I expect my daily pay to have increased if you want me to keep severing heads. We have 1,184 Crowns to be exact, and of that I get 17 per day. Come up short and I’m gone!”

“Too bad you’re not a bit more loyal like Mok here who promised if we run out of food and coin, he’ll still stick around. Speaking of which, Mok, how did you come away from that battle unscathed? I literally put a bag on your head and set you in the middle of the front-line.”

Mok squeaks, “My robe got torn!”

Groans and laughter erupt from the rest of the company.

“Sharpe - when you get a bit more experience, can you knit us some wolf armor? We’ve got 3 pelts now”
I look at our tailor and he’s half out of his mind with fever. “Well, put that on the back burner.”

“All right enough sittin’ around let’s move out! Local tavern says they’re looking to hire a group like us back in Treiten. We’ll see how you all are doing, and if still need patching up we’ll visit the Temple in Wundersdadt before taking on any more enemies. So uhhhh, should we hire that Eunuch before we leave?”

Just as we walk to the edge of town, people come running in. “Villagers missing!”
I look up and see a 2-skull contract to find out what happened.

I say to no one in particular, “We’ll check this out later when we have a full, healthy team again”.


As we arrive in Treiten Sharpe informs me his hand feels much better, but his leg still throbs. I tell him we’ll need to visit the temple after all. While here we see there’s an Apprentice for hire. He’s a named Apprentice as well, so he could be great. Cicobuff the Student.

Hmmmm, nothing stands out. "Why did you have the special moniker “the Student”?

Cicobuff replies proudly, “Cause I wanted to get hired and thought you might think I had the ‘Bright’ trait. And look, it worked!”

Seeing how he’s an apprentice, he does gain +10% exp, so I’ll go with it. “I hope you learn how to hit stuff quick Cicobuff. 47 melee kinda stinks”

We outfit him as best we can, and see there are missing villagers here as well. A 2-skull contract to find them sits waiting. We need tools to fix our disintegrating armor but it’s too expensive here. Hopefully when we hit the temple in Wunderstdat, tools will be more affordable there.


I’ve got this game on my wish list. I may bump it up a little higher!


We arrive at night. Two 1-skull missions are available. At the tavern some drunk guy is talking about a wizard sitting on the council at Tanndorf. I don’t know if that matters but now I’m curious. I open my little book of factions and yep - looks like Erik the Elder might be a Mage. I have yet to find this kind of personal information helpful though.

We camp for the night waiting for the rest of the city to wake up.

I’m glad we waited to get tools here as they’re 100 crowns less than in Treiten, but we’re running out of money. We don’t have enough to heal both Dan and Sharpe. We spend 120 crowns to heal Sharpe who still has tendons hanging out of his arm. He would have been out 2-4 more days, and Dan’s bruised leg won’t be so bad on the battlefield.

We hire a refugee for 45 Crowns - the lowest cost I’ve ever seen for a hire - ever. Here’s a nice comparison to show how he was practically free.

Miguk thanks us for the stray coins and says, “I’ve got to warn you, I’m a bleeder! And I scare easy, and will probably run away at the first sign of trouble”

Though it’d be nice to see that 3-starred melee offense develop. Reality says?

… there have been no ranged soldiers available for hire. Maybe by the time we get back to Tanndorf all the chickens who ran away will have returned (after we clean up that town’s lost villager situation) and we’ll have our choice of poachers, hunters, and fletchers again. To think of those heady days of uhhh “Day 1” lol.

We get a contract to return someone’s ceremonial staff for a laughable 270 Crowns. I give all the newbies spears as they won’t be able to hit anything with a decent weapon. Is it too much to hope the enemy will just impale themselves on our spear heavy formation? If it were zombies they would…


Let’s try and do this without anybody dying. The battle is not as easy as it may look as all our armor is still in tatters.

Well that didn’t go too well. A lucky hit from a dirty thug sent Cicobuff the Apprentice Student into the dirt. He’s probably thinking “Why did I convince them to hire me?”

Miguk managed to kill someone and Mok took out 2! Our Canuckian friend also took one along with a few others. Our financial situation is awful. Armor is shredded, tools are expensive, and the one place we could buy them for not-a-ripoff is out of them. Let’s see how how our list of fallen Brothers and Sisters looks?

Oops, Cicobuff didn’t even get to kill anything. That Eunuch is sounding better and better with the way we’re doing. Ha!


I see a Daytaler for hire. Geggis, how would you like to join our company? He nods and stumbles over. “Uh oh” I think. “Are you drunk?”

“Yes… Yes I AM!” Geggis gurgles. Well this should be fun. Yet another guy who can’t hit the broad side of a barn. At least he’s a determined drunk and has good morale - even if it is chemically induced.

We are now almost broke. Can’t afford to replace the t-shirt Geggis is wearing with a padded tunic. Can’t fidn tools to fix the armor. So we take a caravan escort mission for 150 Crowns. At least we won’t lose food on the way as it’s provided by the caravan guards.

Maybe we shouldn’t have taken this. Gonna have to swim to the darn city.

Arghhh! We have just 20 Crowns left as well pull into Stohl. Choosing caravan missions in the future. Going to have to be much more selectful if we even have the chance.


There’s just one mission here and it’s a caravan back to Treiten. For 150 Crowns. I ask him for payment in advance and he yells at me he won’t do it. We won’t make it there before our money is gone. Our only hope is for a quick to complete mission in Hammereden. Along the way we see some Nebuchdezers. This ends up being a very fun battle.

Dan beheads 2 of the creatures and Arthur beheads one as well. Sharpe guts one from the back lines to help finish them off.


We make it to Hammereden just as our money runs out. We sell what we can for a few Crowns and take the only mission available. A 2-skuller for nearly 700 Crowns to clear a brigand camp.
If we survive this battle we’re good. If we get beat up bad, it may foretell the end of the Knights of Neeeeeee

This is it!


OK, well it’s a night battle so the poachers can’t pick us off as easily. Otherwise we’re outnumbered and out-archered. We do have the high ground, but yea. Don’t hold your breath.



Yes, through some amazing trickery and good fortune, we were able to get around and up into their 5 poachers. The poachers missed on all of their first 2 sets of shots. 10 shots in a row - that never happens. This battle being at night, only undertaken out of sheer desperation as we couldn’t afford to pay for 12 more hours, saved our butts. After the first couple went down, the rest freaked once each took a bit of damage.

Canuck kicked major ass, as did Dan and Sharpe. Geggis, Mok, Lancelot, Thuedobald, Arthur also killed, and though Miguk didn’t, he did prick them slightly from the back row with his pitchfork while puffering his chest looking tough.

And a wonder to behold, look at the loot. Just enough Crowns to see us back to town! We literally had zero funds when we began this battle and the men would have begun deserting on the way home.



Cicobuff the student gives his friends some encouragement.