An American teacher in Japan

Kitsune, even with the infamous pee cup story, looks to be comparatively normal. From the very first story:

You know what’s kind of funny though? Some kids can’t say “Good morning”, but damn near all of them can ask if I have a big dick. Or, “bigu dikku” in Engrish.

Y’see, Japan’s an island no bigger than California, where everything is filtered. There are so few foreigners here, their only impressions of things outside of Japan comes from the media. And to be honest, they don’t really give a damn about anything other than America. So yeah, try to imagine a country where the perceptions of you are created by your movies, music, and MTV. And when you stop crying and shaking at the sheer horror of that thought, I’ll be here waiting.

…Okay? Ok. So anyway, the whole “black men have big dicks” stereotype stretches far and wide, even to the nation’s 12 year olds. Part of why I’m here is not just to kind of sort of help teach English, but to “broaden cultural perceptions”. Break stereotypes, challenge preconcieved notions, all that jazz. That’s good and all, but this is one stereotype I think I’m just gonna let slide.

So anyway, I get asked “bigu dikku” A LOT. Every 2-3 days in fact, which is amazing considering I got asked this question about 2-3 times in my entire life in America. Locker room jokes aside. How do you answer that anyway? To a 12-15 year old? I wave them off and say “No no no.” Then they say “Oh, sumaru dikku?” (trans. “Small dick?”) and OF COURSE that’s wrong so I have to correct them. It’s just a no-win stiuation.

On the days I’m avoiding them asking me that, I’m avoiding them actually trying to grab it. I shit you not, I have to play Dodgedick with Japanese Jr. High kids on a weekly basis. Boys and girls! Age, gender, doesn’t matter, they all want a stab at it. The boys are actually more persistant though. I had one boy grab for it, and when I said “No!” he put his hands together and, in English, said “Please!” Oh hell no. I was sitting next to a 12-year old boy who kept grabbing at it, and when I told him “No!” he asked “Why not?” I wondered if there weren’t some cultural bounds I wasn’t understsanding, so I said clearly “age 10 years and become female since birth, then we’ll talk.” His solution was to ask the girl sitting next to him to trade seats, grab my dick, and tell him about it.

That is so NOT what I meant.

I wish I could say it stops there, but actually, it gets worse. Let me introduce you to a game Japanese kids like to play called “Kancho.”

Actually, it’s not so much a “game” as it is kids clasping their hands together, sticking out their first fingers, and shoving them up your butt. I’m really not joking.

seen this before but i love the “i am not a child molester” post and the kancho so hard/pearl harbor one.

Japanese have a strong culture of humiliation. Probably having to do with their honor society.

Man, I got hooked reading Every one of those editorials, awesome link. I pursued the rest of the site and the message board and with the cool story of the ‘worst porn ever!’ and the message board thread about it, I found definitive proof of the Kancho manuever. I still don’t get it :-)

(May not be SFW, no nudity but two underwear clad women delivering the mighty Kancho will probably be frowned upon)

Heh, Croman is right. These editorials are a lot of fun to read, who knew that Japanese kids were so craaazy. :wink:

I should add that a friend of mine has an older brother going to Japan to teach English… should be an interesting experience. Maybe I should send him this site.

Serioulsy though Funkman, this guy should win an Emmy or something like that :P The funny, the heartfelt-ness ( Owl story) , and a general propensity to tell a story so damn well pretty much made this my favorite blog-style web site that I’ve ever read.


This weekend I considered kancho on the boyfriend’s aikido sensei to see if he had some cool move to counteract it (the anti-kancho of doom) but decided I didn’t want to be in pain for the rest of the weekend.

Plus the kancho joke didn’t really go over too well with the other aikido students. Some people have no sense of humor…

I’m sorry, I just had to complete this quote.

about people willingly sticking their FINGERS UP ANOTHER PERSONS ASS!!!

“This weekend I considered kancho” should be some far away distant “gee, Ted Bundy must’a had some fun” type of thing.

(Ps, If you were just having fun with the quote, then damnit so was I! :P )