I can totally see my friends doing something very like this. I can’t tell if I find that idea mortifying (hah!) or awesome. Leaning towards the latter.
More seriously, I haven’t done a whole lot of prep for this sort of thing. I really, really should. I am a slacker.
Having been through this 6 times in the last 15 years…Yes. Yes you should.
It’s far easier on the survivors if they don’t have to make choices.
Now, that doesn’t oblige them to follow your wishes, the services are for the living and not for the dead, but when they know what you want they don’t have to wonder.
Very specific with our semi-adult kids…cremation. Hold a tasteful “celebration of life” service. Scatter the ashes in places that had meaning to us.
I have a friend who invited me to his assisted suicide in a few weeks. (Gulp!) It’s going to be a potluck. He wants everyone to wear either Hawaiian or African stuff. He seems in pretty good spirits, but I will admit to being a little freaked out by the invitation.
I do admire his courage.
I also like the idea of a viking funeral, but wonder what might be required to have such an event. Do they check your record for raping and pillaging? Is there an authority that will call phony, if you’re not really legit?
Dude - I don’t mean to upset or cause offense, but I have the highest respect for people who look at all the options and decide to end their lives. Yes I know that sounds harsh - I don’t mean an average teenager who has gone through his first breakup, I am thinking folks like Terry Pratchett who are looking down the barrel of a terminal Alzheimer’s diagnosis and decided you know what, I’m going to end this thing on my own terms. I hope I have half as much guts were I faced with the same situation.
Side topic - this is an occasional topic of disagreement with my wife and I. She’s a good Catholic and doesn’t see any circumstances that would call for, or allow for, a person to kill himself. Me, I’ve always had the opinion that there are far worse things than death. I tip my hat to your friend, Tim. And I’m going to drink to his memory.
yes, thank you, I agree completely with what you’re saying and I am not offended at all. It is as you suggest: he is very close to the end. I’m sort of wondering/hoping that his health will hold out until the event.
On a completely unrelated note, I’d like to circle back to wills. I have always thought I could just buy one of those software packages that lets you assemble a will. Is that a good idea? I really don’t know the answer. I’m sure it’s got plenty of complexity and it’s certainly an important document, but isn’t it sort of routine? I mean, I do my own taxes every year and manage my own IRA. Is this really something I really need to hire a lawyer for?
First allow me to say that I am impressed with you, Tim. You are going to be witnessing something that few of us will ever see. The peaceful and planned passing of someone that we love. Good luck to your friend and their family. And peace to you and yours. You are a fine friend.
Edit: Yeah you could do it with templates. But there should be a few people involved. t the very least, a witness. But also a person as the executor. That’s a big deal. So consider that.
It can also depend on the state. You can certainly draft a will on your own. A good lawyer can verify it has any particulars your state may require. Same as with probate after you’ve passed. Your heirs and executor could certainly try to manage without the cost of a lawyer but having one that knows all the steps (the one I hired also knew the precinct judge) can keep things smoother.
I held my dad’s foot as he took his last shot. It’s a fine way to go. It’s not nearly as hard to witness as you’d think in advance. Like the others say, such an invite is an honour and an acknowledgement of your role in his life.
We hardly held a funeral service. He hated that shit. So we held a bit of a wake/reception where people could view his remains and say their goodbyes. After that I drove him to the crematorium in his van, wrapped like a bit of freight. He loved that! (I talked that through with him in advance) A year or so later we held a small memorial where we told some stories and viewed pictures of life with him. That was ok.
We scattered some of the old man’s ashes partly at the places he loved. The rest we buried on the premises of his birth place and planted a young tree on it. He loved the thought of that, he’s from a farmers’ family that’s deeply rooted in their land.
I am going through something similar with my younger brother who passed away earlier this year. We met with the probate lawyer yesterday and seems like this will take another year to get everything sorted out. I am only 42 and have started a will with a lawyer after this. What are the benefits of a trust over a will?
Thank you Bernie. I was only thinking about drafting the thing, not after I die. I imagine you’re right that it might simplify things to have someone who knows what’s going on involved.
My father in law died a few years back and I know there was a lot of tackle, but I really don’t have any idea of the specifics because my brothers in law and my wife took care of all the stuff. I don’t think they used a lawyer, but their father didn’t have much and was living with one of the brothers. I suppose a lawyer gets more useful if there is a lot of wealth to distribute or if there are minors and care for minors involved?
Those are two different things that serve different purposes. In my case, I have both. The will is to carry out any wishes dealing with estate and funeral stuff like others have mentioned. But I also have two young kids and I can’t just dump my earthly possessions on them. So if I died today, my estate would be held in a trust until they reach 18. And then I have it paying out over time u til they’re 25, just to hopefully normalize that and not give out a lump sum.
If you don’t have kids, it’s not that big a deal, really, unless you’re like Scrooge McDuck and have a ton of assets you want to go to specific places I suppose. In most states as I understand it, if you are married and there are no other people in the picture, your stuff goes to your spouse, and that’s pretty much it, minus liens or debts or what not. If you are single, I suppose a will would be the way to go to make sure someone gets your loot.
A will has to go through court. With a trust, you name an a person you trust to be executor and he handles the distributions. A will usually takes longer. Also, a trust is not made public like a will.
https://ssbllc.com/articles/five-ways-in-which-a-trust-is-better-than-a-will/
I don’t think anyone will notice when I die.
I would. And I would be sad. Please don’t say such sad things.
Some good ideas. I think I would prefer cremation, as long as I don’t end up on someone’s shelf. My sister in law currently has her father in law and her mother somewhere in her house. Now her father seems to think that would be good for him. After he dies though the plan is to find a plot in their old home town and plant them both.
I agree with @schurem, don’t joke about things like that. We would!
Also for what it’s worth, something happens to you and your body and your posessions. You should still plan on things. If nothing else, ensure a coworker knows who to contact or if you have a will or instructions to follow. I know it’s morbid. It also falls under the, “why do I have to plan for my own death,” issue that just seems like useless work. It is not.
To add to the thread, don’t forget planning for electronic information that needs to be passed. Keep a master list of accounts somewhere, keep a quarterly reminder on your phone to update that sheet. Just as with financial accounts, people need access more and more to things like contacts, pictures, purchased digital items, online accounts/information, etc. As a good example of a few of these, I have online bill payment for all of our household bills. Someone needs that info. I also have automatic deliveries of things from a few merchants. Someone needs that information too. I have family accounts for some digital platforms. Ditto.
We don’t do much of that but I had not even considered what a hassle that would be if something happened to my wife. She handles all that stuff.
I’m so paranoid I even set my gmail account to automatically send an email to several people if I don’t log in.