In the first place, I don’t always understand the term ‘tolerance’ anymore, because I think it has been perverted. Let me be clear, I am not saying you are doing that, Rothda, rather that it’s kind of been weaponized, in much the way ‘liberal’ is used with derision. I don’t use ‘conservative’ that way. This is part of the reason liberal-leaning people started to switch to ‘progressive’ instead, because some people turned ‘liberal’ into a dirty word. I think ‘tolerance’ as a term has taken a similar turn.
That said, it’s hard to answer your question, and I’ve been thinking about it as I’ve run a few errands. One such errand, if you must know, was getting a live pinkie rat to feed my son’s pet snake. This isn’t germane to my answer, I’m just putting in a little color.
It is difficult to answer your question because I am not a minority. The very worst things I had to deal with was having my name made fun of in elementary school because it looks like a girl’s name, and being told a lot of Polish jokes, because, you know, Polish people are so stupid. That and being called a fag by the jocks in high school when I was in theater in high school.
Them’s small potatoes compared to your question, so I feel kind of presumptuous answering it, but I’ll try.
Even given the power difference between us–a dude who does a movie podcast and a guy who works for a huge media company–I still believe that getting somebody to know you, in person, helps. I know this sounds naive. I know it sounds, to use a word @Sharpe used, Pollyanna-ish, but I’ve seen it work. So if I were in the position you suggest, with a son in the minority excluded by travel or fences, or yelled at to get out of the country, I would invite an otherwise reasonable person into my home because getting to know me, and my son, might move the needle. Granted, it might not, but ignoring it isn’t helping.
Here’s an example from my own life that I’ve shared here before. My mother and stepfather are very conservative, and also Evangelical Christians. We had many debates, years ago, about gay marriage. They would cite verses from the Bible. And I would too, because I know the Bible. This would usually lead to an impasse.
However, upon meeting the couple we chose as godfathers for my son, a gay couple whose relationship has well outlasted any I’ve had, and indeed my mother’s first marriage, my folks began to change. They met these two loving men. Men who valued their grandson. Men who would do anything for him, and indeed for me. Men who were clearly committed to each other, and just freaking great human beings.
At some point my mom said to me, “I can’t do this anymore. If I say people should be in a committed relationship, how can I deny them marriage? It’s hypocritical.” And she changed.
Now, she still goes to a church with a lot of people who are against that view. But she changed. By meeting two actual people who were real, and good, and decent, and she realized they deserved the same rights she had.
I know this is a long-winded response to a quick question, it’s just that I want to think that meeting one’s baba yaga makes that person a person to you. And so, that’s what I’d try to do.
This isn’t to say I haven’t made mistakes and dismissed certain people out of hand, even here, it’s just to say that in imagining your scenario, that’s what I’d hope to do.
Thank you for your question, Rothda.
-xtien
