Yep, [raises hand]. I hate going to bed and I hate getting up. Always have. I generally have a very difficult time falling asleep at night but a much easier time falling asleep for a nap during the day. I have much less anxiety when laying down for a nap than for the big sleep at night. I think for me it’s because when laying down at night I worry a lot about what I did not get done that day and what I have to face the next day, while I don’t really think about anything when napping other than that I am so exhausted that if I don’t grab this 30-45 minute snooze then I just won’t be able to function.
Whatever the reason for sleep anxiety, I think the key is that it won’t just magically get better. You have to work at it intentionally, set up a system that works better for you and stick to it as best you can.
What helps me is to set a cutoff time for TV/computer/screens so you actually get into bed at a decent hour. Once in bed, I often cheat a little by watching a few youtube videos, but it is better to avoid screens at that point other than something like a plain Kindle for pure reading (preferably not a phone or tablet to avoid the backlight and urge to surf). What has really helped a ton is to listen to a relaxing sleep story in bed, with an app like Calm or Headspace or a similar podcast. I almost never make it through a whole story before conking out. Taking a shower at night can also help.
I love watching a comfort sitcom (lately it’s Larry Sanders) and then doing some reading before bed.
Stand-up comedy or podcasts can be nice but if I’m listening to any kind of spoken-word content, I don’t like the moment where I realize I’ve started drifting off and missed something. That’s why I prefer…
Lately, I’ve been putting that playlist on shuffle and set the sleep timer and away I go. There’s tons of beautiful ambient music to help soundtrack your sleep. This Max Richter album has you covered for 8 hours!
But definitely ‘put the world away’ as triggercut and others have said. I think you are sensitive and prone to feeling fiery indignation at the ills of the world so maybe try tuning that stuff out earlier in the evening however you can. Might take some discipline because that crap is seductive.
This is exactly the same for me. I never could understand why laying down for a nap was nice, whereas the thought of laying down for sleep at night caused me such stress.
Equating sleep with stress sounds like a problem right there.
Except for a couple years when the business was on its last legs I have always slept like a baby. Emptying the mind is key. I am sure that is easier for some than others. Some of us don’t have very far to go when we go to bed. :)
If I don’t want to go to bed, I’m not going to sleep—unless I’m absolutely physically exhausted, which isn’t often. So getting my head ready for bed is key for me.
Something I find really helpful is to set the table for the next morning. I pick one of the next day’s tasks and do some preparation: write up a plan, set up a checklist, get materials ready, etc. If “Ugh, tomorrow!” pops into my head, I have “X is done, Y is ready to go.”
As a general rule I stay firmly disconnected from any social media drip feeds—Hey, an endless merry-go-round of anxiety-laden stimuli! Unsubscribe!—and at night I’m freakin’ vigilant about it. Discussion forums like this one (minus P&R) and some lightweight, well-moderated subreddits are all I’ll expose myself too.
Other distractions are welcome, though. I’ve mentioned it before in a similar thread, but CalTech physicist David Goodstein’s The Mechanical Universe series is a real tonic. Aaron Fletcher’s narration, especially, is super relaxing. “Narcoleptically soothing,” to quote myself, and wonderful to doze off to. Arrested Development makes for surprisingly relaxing background noise, too. No laugh track, and very few explosions.
Plus all the usual stuff: Regular meals, at least some physical activity during the day, no caffeine after lunch, no sugary snacks in the evening. The “no evening sweets” is pretty important, I now realize—which sucks, because a nice sugar rush and giggling at goofy shit is one of my favorite things. But it’ll reliably tack on an extra hour or two of wakefulness.
Melatonin gummies but I try not to use them every night
Benadryl if I am desperate but this is something you don’t want to take regularly
Physical exercise. The more the better but I realize some people have disabilities etc.
Meditation - this can really work wonders if you can develop techniques to clear your mind. Busy mind is my number one reason I can’t get to sleep.
Diet: when I was young I could drink coffee at 11pm. Not anymore. Also a healthy balanced diet that works for you can help tremendously.
Weight: Get to a healthy weight if applicable. Easier said than done, I know from personal experience. Things like snoring, sleep apnea can me alleviated to a certain degree if you can reach a healthy weight.
Set a bedtime that is reasonable that you can stick to.Try to hit it. Make it a habit if you can. But don’t lie in bed just rolling around with a wild running mind. Meditation can help here a lot.
Hope this helps. I’ve struggled with this my entire life. Probably why the name of this forum resonates so much with me. :)
Read this thread since I have a friend with sleep issues…so here is my 5 cents.
Lived long enough to know we’re not all special flowers… it’s not magic…and it’s NOT about bedtime…its about when you get UP…
You need to stay up 16 hours…about…anything less than that, and you’re not going to be really all that tired…some more some less, but generally 16 hours…so do that…make it a regular thing…
Avoid naps in the daytime, but power naps can be useful if your feeling shit, 15 mins tops.
Alcohol will fuck your sleep also, screentime hasn’t mattered a bit for me…but there are yellow screen modes.
Last tip, not tired, don’t go to bed…stay up, then get up in the morning. then add 16 hours from that time…that’s generally your bedtime…
Hope helps, didn’t help my friend, he sleeps 4 hours in the daytime and wonders why he can’t fucking sleep at night…
There’s a whole school of therapy and techniques for sleep that would be incredibly useful for you @jpinard, called “CBT-I”, which stands for cognitive behavioral therapy. By learning those techniques, you learn how to mitigate the cycle of anxiety that makes it hard to sleep. There are suggestions that will mirror some of the advice above, like not using electronic devices in bed, as well as techniques to “replace” some of the anxious thoughts about sleep that it sounds like you have with other thoughts that are more calming. An example of replacement is to think “I’ve lived through a day after having poor sleep before. I know I may not always be my best, but I’ll be OK. Better, I’ll be so tired tonight that I’ll fall asleep much easier, and I’ll feel great tomorrow!”
I went through a solid 2 years of incredibly bad insomnia. At one point I had fully associated my bed with anxiety, such that the act of lying down itself made me more anxious. I was full of thoughts like “What if I can’t sleep? I’ve had so much trouble sleeping, what’s wrong with me?” If you’ve had sleep trouble long enough that you’ve associated your bed with anxiety, there are ways to break that. What CBT-I gives you is a better understanding of how we sleep (and even how we perceive it) in a structured way that feels about as “sciencey” a way as possible.
There’s a free ebook that I’d highly suggest you download here:
[I never touched their product, but the ebook is excellent to give you the overview of CBT-I. I’d post the PDF here, but it’s not an allowed attachment.]
If that doesn’t work, see if you’re covered to talk to a therapist for CBT-I. It’s covered by many plans, usually runs about 6-8 therapy sessions, and gives you the tools to figure out your sleep. This is ultimately the route I took, and it was incredibly helpful.
It took me about 2 years to get back most of my sleep schedule to not have anxiety about sleeping, and I still don’t always sleep as much as I want, but it doesn’t bother me anymore. I hope some of this helps you - it’s a hard place to be.
I had difficulty sleeping when I was younger, and I can tell you what’s worked for me: having kids. OK ha, but seriously I did talk to a doctor friend who had some suggestions, and I can tell you what worked for me.
Main thing is, the bed is for sleep. Don’t lie there watching TV or playing games or fiddling with your phone. When it’s time for bed, put away the things of the day, get undressed and go to bed. Now everyone may have their own twist on things, maybe a white noise machine, play some quiet music, but for me I’ve been pretty strict about this. I don’t have a TV or any other devices in my bedroom. I keep it dark and (relatively) cool. It’s a kind of training, to get your body to recognize that oh yeah, it’s time for sleep.
It’s no miracle cure, I realize. And some nights it’s easier to get myself in that mindset than others. But I’ve pretty been pretty successful, not really having any more nights of tossing and turning. Hope things get better for you.
Ive had issues with that for a long. I’ve done several things that have helped. If you can get past the ignorant and misinformed bias against marijuana some people have, it can be an excellent sleep aid, especially in edible form.
Its important to tailor your environment to be conducive to sleep, which is why I have black out curtains in the bedroom. Limit light as much as possible. I also use an Alexa skill called Sleep Sounds. I play the sounds of waves on a beach but they have several different ambient sounds. Its very soothing and runs all night. I don’t know what pillow you use but a good one can make a big difference. I use a Coop Homes pillow I got off amazon that is great. Its fill is adjustable. It is both soft and yet holds its shape well. It allows you to shape the pillow somewhat to your needs and holds that shape. Another suggestion is a weighted blanket. They help with anxiety. I have been having issues lately due to stress so my doctor recommended a weighted blanket. It seems to help although I may have gone to heavy on the weight. I got a 20# blanket and I think 15# would have been better. Still I just recently got it so I am giving it a little time for me to adjust to it. It has a 30 night guarantee and I can return it for a lighter one if it doesn’t work for me. If after 2 weeks I feel its not right for me Ill return it.
Anyway, start with your sleeping environment. You can often solve a lot of this by improving that. If that doesnt help you, then move on to possible medical solutions. The final thing to ask is do you have sleep apnea? That would be something you absolutely need to address. If you do or if you’re curious about it, there is a thread here on it here: Apnea/CPAP? - #156 by sharaleo
Alcohol for example makes you tired but the sleep you get is shit. I think the brain can do without drugs,
I do like ambient noise, i use sleep quarters on spaceship that Spotify has.
I will recommend for anyone without a proper diagnosed problem to look at when you wake up. The key is there, not when yo to bed…
As others have said, i think sleep rituals are important to tell your brain, its time to sleep. Chose your own. If you can, make your bed an inviting place - nicely made up, soft sheets, cold room, heavy blankets - whatever brings comfort, and hopefully security. Definitely no TV or devices in the bedroom. And if you can’t sleep, and this is important - get up. Make a cup of tea or, again, whatever gives you comfort, but its nice if its something warming. Read for for 10 or 15 minutes then try bed again.
The popular military method, which was first reported by Sharon Ackerman, comes from a book titled “Relax and Win: Championship Performance.”
According to Ackerman, the United States Navy Pre-Flight School created a routine to help pilots fall asleep in 2 minutes or less. It took pilots about 6 weeks of practice, but it worked — even after drinking coffee and with gunfire noises in the background.
This practice is said to even work for people who need to sleep sitting up!
The military method
Relax your entire face, including the muscles inside your mouth.
Drop your shoulders to release the tension and let your hands drop to the side of your body.
Exhale, relaxing your chest.
Relax your legs, thighs, and calves.
Clear your mind for 10 seconds by imagining a relaxing scene.
If this doesn’t work, try saying the words “don’t think” over and over for 10 seconds.
