Apology Judgement Thread of Humiliation

But Jerry Sandusky helped JoePa win so many football games for Penn State. That’s way more important. Get your priorities straight. And those other guys all were “winners”. They won against “political correctness” or whatever meaningless tribal bullshit replaces college football for adults. Winners don’t have to apologize for winning, or for just happening to molest kids while they were winning.

“It’s locker room talk, folks. Locker room talk.”

12 accusers – all labeled liars by the White House.

He wouldn’t be able to get a gig in Hollywood now, but he gets to be president!

I have no idea who this guy is since I don’t really listen or watch stand-up, but are you saying he joked about forcing women to watch him masturbate? There is a huge difference between like and being obsessed with masturbation and saying you not only do it but you’re forcing someone to watch it. I mean there are lots of kinks out there with people watching, but they’re consensual. This is… like if these were journals, or videos or something, I don’t really care as long as it doesn’t blurr into reality or if it is it’s consensual and legal but… you’re saying this guy stands up and says he forces women to watch him masturbate and everyone just laughs?

No. And I think you are very good at jumping to outrageous conclusions. You could simply ask for clarification.

I meant his stand-up and series did loads of material on masturbation and shame and self-loathing. Not specifically about masturbating in front of other people. (Though his new movie apparently includes something like that.)

No one laughs, but he corners women in rooms and masturbates in front of them, without their consent.

Laughing in disbelief was mentioned in the Times article as one of the reactions his accusers had. Those aren’t the kinds of laughs comedians should want.

“Why aren’t there any women apologizing for taking advantage of ‘cucks’ and ‘betas’?” /4chan


I am far more impressed by apologies written by the actual person, not their PR team or attorney. You can never be sure which is which, but Louis CK’s appears to be his own words. That indicates a greater capacity for reflection than having your lawyer email a statement to the media.

Confessions are interesting, mostly because we have an entire religion built around confession and the purpose of these confessions basically benefits you and not the victim.

This is an public apology that doesn’t really apologize so much as a half-ass admission of guilt, and I say half-ass because he’s got almost two paragraphs there of explaining what he did and why he did it in a way that says it was not technically forced, that these were all admirers anyway, and the only thing he really admits to is he is so popular people didn’t feel comfortable coming forward with what happened… how many times did he use variations of the word admire again?

I’d give it a 5. It’s a missing a lot.

Weinstein gets 0. His first sentence is a lame ass excuse. Someone should probably tell him despite coming of age in the 60’s, he probably shouldn’t be a racist prick anymore either… in case he missed that one too.

This apology letter from Jesse Lacey of the band Brand New is pretty strong I thought.

In an effort to address recent events and the public conversation currently happening, I feel it is important to make a clear and personal statement.
The actions of my past have caused pain and harm to a number of people, and I want to say that I am absolutely sorry. I do not stand in defense of myself nor do I forgive myself. I was selfish, narcissistic, and insensitive in my past, and there are a number of people who have had to shoulder the burden of my failures. I apologize for the hurt I have caused, and hope to be able to take the correct actions to earn forgiveness and trust.
Early on in my life, I developed a dependent and addictive relationship with sex. I was scared of it, ashamed, and unwilling or unable to admit it, and so it grew into a consistent and terrible problem. Years ago, after admitting my habits and cheating to my then soon to be wife, I began to approach my problem in a serious way. I entered professional treatment, both in group therapy and individual counseling, and revealed the realities of what a terrible place I had gotten to in my life, and what a terrible impact my actions had on people.
Lust, sex, love, and arousal were coping tools for me, and I returned to them repeatedly. I detached my own feelings and emotions from most of my sexual interactions. I hid, or lied about my behavior to escape reproach. I was a habitual cheater. I have been unfaithful in many, if not most of my relationships, including the relationship with my wife, who has with all of her might, patience, and grace, tried to hold our marriage together, despite having to endure the pain of the revelations of my past. It is heart wrenching that the most important changes in my life have come at the expense of others.
I am sorry for how I have hurt people, mistreated them, lied, and cheated. I am sorry for ignoring the way in which my position, status, and power as a member of a band affected the way people viewed me or their approach to their interactions with me. And I am sorry for how often I have not afforded women the respect, support, or honesty that they deserved, and which is their right. I believe in the equality and autonomy of all, but in my life I have been more of a detriment to these ideals than an advocate.
I am working to shed all my narcissism and my self obsession, and to be better. In sobriety I have changed my life and my mind in real and important ways. I have also revealed the truth of my behaviors to myself and to others. I do not have words to express the patience and help my wife has offered me. I love my family with an intensity and realness that I have never felt before, and as a husband and a father I have been granted the opportunity to wake up each day with the intent to serve my family and the people around me, and to feel, for the first time that I have purpose.
The fact remains that none of us get to put a wall up between who we are and who we were. I need to earn forgiveness. Concepts like repentance, compassion, and love, are made real through actions, and it’s through my actions that I need to prove change. I hope I can show humility, and that the pain I have caused people can heal. I am not above reproach, and no one should be.
Jesse Lacey

I had to look this guy up. I have no idea who this is, and the first thing I saw after the headlines of his apology is he’s talking about teens, girls who are as young as 15. You’d have no idea he is talking about underage girls based on that apology. He was 24. wth.

Yeah, the article I linked had those details also. So you think he should have publicly confessed to a crime in his apology?

How exactly do you apologize for something you don’t admit to doing. It was mentioned above, sort of. Those if this offended someone if I did this, like saying sorry but leaving room to back off if you need to.

Again though, I put the sexual assault of children in a different bucket than everything else. Until a couple of weeks ago, I thought the bulk of the population did the same. So I guess the answer is… masturbating in public in front of a grown woman vs masturbating in front of an underage teenage girl… I don’t… yeah I think the apology needs to be different between the two. I don’t even know if I can describe why I feel so strongly and differently about those two scenarios.

I’m the same way. I have such an instinctive revulsion to the thought of kids getting hurt that I assume everyone else is the same way. But then I see something like the scandals in Britain and I realize that for a lot of people it’s just not a very high priority.

I’m with Nesrie on this one – Jesse Lacey’s apology would be a great one if his offense had simply been sleeping around and cheating on his wife. But since what he’s be accused of is not what he’s apologizing for… well, that kind of invalidates the whole thing.

Delirium has a good point though: apologizing for a crime (sex with a minor or statutory rape here, I guess) in a public apology is effectively the same thing as pleading guilty. I think this guy would have been better off just saying nothing or releasing a generic statement of “I’m very sorry to all my fans, we are investigating these allegations.”

Also, I have never heard of this guy or his band. I dunno if they are super-obscure or I am really, really old and unhip. I suspect the latter.

They were big in the “emo” scene in the early 2000s, and one of the very few bands to evolve into something better from that. They had a highly acclaimed album in the mid 2000s, but it was more of a cult success. A couple months ago they surprise released their first album in 8 years and reached #1 on the billboard chart somehow. They’re a band I’ve loved for over 15 years, so these revelations are highly disappointing to me on a personal level. I just saw them perform last month.

I agree that there is a lot to be desired for the fact that he doesn’t directly address the allegations. I’ve checked some opinions of fans of the band on the internet, and there are some people who think that since he didn’t address the specific allegations, maybe it didn’t happen. Which is total crap, of course. It gives people something to cling onto as a defense mechanism when delivering their own judgment. But I really don’t know how straightforward you can be expected to be in your apology when it could get you in legal trouble. It’s possible he doesn’t even remember the specific incident well enough to address it directly. The apology itself seems genuine in expressing regret and I think makes it clear that he has put real work into becoming a less shitty human in the years since this stuff happened – well before any of this became public. That doesn’t make the things he did okay.

Except just like Cosby, there is a statute of limitation on these crimes. For Weinstein, Mooer, and this guy… if they’re not still doing it, and this stuff happened decades ago, they’re not going to bit hit with a criminal case. Civil is… well I am not sure about that.

The thing is though, these are predators. If these situation actually occurred, it’s pretty rare for them to actually stop. Weinstein is a serial abuser, many abusers are. I keep saying it, over and over again, this is rarely ever about the sex, even though we tend to focus on that bit. It’s about power. And as they get older, the doesn’t improve. They might get better at hiding it though or silencing their victims.

For Moore at least, there is no statute of limitations on statutory rape in Alabama… so he actually COULD go to jail for this.

Though I am sure that is mostly true, several studies have shown that decriminalizing prostitution reduces rape.