Are you going to go see the Lord of the Rings trilogy?

That’s right. For those that haven’t heard, there was a trilogy of movies that were released every Christmas season from 2001 to 2003!

It’s Peter Jackson’s love affair with a series he tried desperately to get made for for most of his career but one that he’s now cashing in on, at least according to the latest nerd blog.

I have to admit that when I first heard of this project, I had ZERO interest. I laughed at the concept. I laughed at the trailer. And I laughed when it came up in polite conversation.

But as I’ve learned more about it, I have to admit that I’ve increasingly warmed to the idea of watching a Lord of the Rings trilogy.

What about you? Are you going to see the old Lord of the Rings trilogy?

I was raised in Minas Tirith. I’m pretty sure I have to see any Lord of the Rings movie ever made.

huh, what?

Is this like when RoTK came out and some theatres played all 3 movies back-to-back? I did that, was kinda fun, but wouldn’t do it again. How is this different?

Oh wow! I only hope they can get someone with, I dunno, gravitas, to play Gandalf!

Someone like Ian Mckellen maybe?

I think Marc Singer should play Aragorn. For Gandalf, maybe Brian Cox.

-Tom

Stop with the safe choices. He need to be different. We need something new here. I think Edward James Olmos would be a perfect Gandalf. Aragorn? Maybe a British unknown like Jamie Bamber. Legolas? We can pull in the female crowd by making a switch here: how about a girl? Katee Sackhoff would be great. Gimli? I think we could put Michael Hogan in that role.

I really see this coming together. Let’s get this made!

Get Nathan Lane to play Tom Bombadil and you’ve got yourself a cast, sister!

This kind of internal wheeling and dealing goes on all the time at the big corporations. Good on Jackson for demanding that they live up to their contract with him.

The Rock == Boromir.

Steve Buscemi as Gollum.

This dude as this dude!

Chris O’Donnell as Frodo Baggins! Jim Belushi as Gimli! David Caruso as Elrond! Harry Dean Stanton as Saruman!

Wait, wait, that last one could be an awesome idea.

-Tom

Wait… Trilogy?

The last time I checked in with Professor Tolkein in my Anglo-Saxon Language classes at Pembroke College, he’d just finished writing a little story called “The Herbert” or something like that. Has he been working on something else?

Pesci as Gimli (‘who the fuck is this elf motherfucker’), De Niro as Sauron (‘it coulda been beautiful but we fucked it up’), Liotta as Frodo (‘all my life I wanted to be a ringbearer’), and Scorsese as some random little wired Italian guy.

Kevin Smith and Jason Mewes as Merry and Pippin.

And miss Rocky? Oh, I think not.

Take the amazing Lord of the Rings trilogy. In my mind, the most incredible achievement in film history (I still personally maintain that Return of the King is the single greatest film ever made)

Oh please…

Jim Carey as Grima Wormtongue.

EDIT: Also…

Take the amazing Lord of the Rings trilogy. In my mind, the most incredible achievement in film history (I still personally maintain that Return of the King is the single greatest film ever made)

Seriously. It’s entertaining and all, but doesn’t hold a candle to Rocky beating up Mr. T.

David Carusso as Sauron!
“Drive by…Mordor Style!” (Music)

“It looks like Isildur . . . is all washed up!” (Music)