…, right, mate? Oi just want an orgasm!
Oi remember tryin’ to place a fookin’ number on moi opinion o’ Anachronox, fook me! Oi finally settled on an 84%, considerin’ der horrible missin’ section ‘n abrupt endin’ ( Oi wasn’t in much disfavor over der early part) balanced by der otherwise fine game, fook me! Oi felt happy, sated in moi justification, at peace wiv der world.
Then Oi began to worry, naw shittin’ ya! Der fookin’ 84%, which as a fookin’ baby wuz so shiny ‘n nice, began to wrinkle, right, mate? It fookin’ turned yellow around der edges, fook me! Der fookin’ characters began to get to me, fook me! As they became ripe ‘n voluptuous, der 84% paled wiv embarassment, naw shittin’ ya! Der fookin’ cinematography began to get to me.
As 84% looked on in insecurity, Oi began to examine it, naw shittin’ ya! Wot had Oi done? Did Oi begin in der mid 90s, ‘n start deductin’ fer flaws? Was 84% der final verdict? Otherwise Great Game - Flaws = 84% in some sort o’ equation tha’ leads to truth?
To dis day Oi don’t know, right, mate? Stone deaf ‘n dumb Oi gotta be, right, mate? But I’ll push 84% to der left side o’ der stage 'n see if Oi can reach der edge…
Oi remember not likin’ der gameplay much, naw shittin’ ya! Oi remember playin’ der game to continue der fookin’ brill plot along, a fookin’ plot tha’ abruptly self-destructed which led to a fookin’ lot o’ initial disappointment after finishin’ der game, naw shittin’ ya! From der time Oi finished der game till now, moi opinion o’ der game has increased substantially.
I’m now wonderin’ about der whole “moral calculus” model which produced moi 84%, as well, naw shittin’ ya! In der standard review score, a fookin’ game strength ‘n a fookin’ game flaw tha’ der fook is equally balanced cancel each other out, naw shittin’ ya! Gamespot (if Oi remember right) takes the fook it ‘un step further, by dividin’ a fookin’ game into five categories…, naw shittin’ ya! a fookin’ strength in ‘un category cancels out a fookin’ flaw in another.
Oi can only imagine wot long forgotten games Oi would have given a fookin’ score higher than 84% to, right, mate? Long forgotten because while doin’ nothin’ poorly, they did nothin’ great, fook me! Nothin’ to remember.
Oi suppose Oi could just raise der score, naw shittin’ ya! Call the fook it a fookin’ “tilt” ‘n readjust moi fly to a fookin’ fookin’ comfortable position, naw shittin’ ya! A fookin’ new baby from fresh loins, hopin’ dis time the fook it doesn’t get yellow.
tha’ seems wrong, naw shittin’ ya! Perhaps its better instead to clinically examine der strengths ‘n weaknesses o’ a fookin’ game, but to base der score entirely on der game’s subjective effect, naw shittin’ ya! So…
Awesome Game = Oi would butt-slam a fookin’ deceased poodle* fer der right to play dis game, right, mate? Oi played der game constantly fer a fookin’ long period o’ time, right, mate? Oi thought about der game when Oi wasn’t playing, right, mate? Dis game still has a fookin’ warm place in moi heart 5 years after playing, right, mate? Dis game changed moi life.
Terrible Game = Pay me $100,000 ‘n ass me to play dis game, ‘n Oi gonna laugh in y’ fookin’ face.
Very Good Game = A fookin’ lukewarm spot in moi heart ‘n a fookin’ warm hardness under moi pants.
- Naw fookin’ Poodles wuz harmed in der makin’ o’ dis post, fook me! Der fookin’ 84%, however, had its ass severely kicked, right, mate? While PETA der fook is as happy as they ever get (which der fook is to say, not currently foamin’ at der mouth), der NAA (Numerical Association o’ America) der fook is askin’ fer moi incarceration.