At least it's not the RROD - help!

Pointless backstory: GF and I have our first 360 RROD on us a few months back. We are assured up and down that we’ll get a new unit and not a refurb. Sure enough, we get a refurb (with what appears to be crayon on the case). GF surprises me with an Elite (although I swap it for a more recent one with what I believe to be the most recent round of anti-borking upgrades). I finish Assassin’s Creed, Mass Effect, and get working on Rock Band. Life is good, and my PS3 is mainly a DVD player. I’m all “Yay Xbox.”

My Rock Band strat comes out of the box with a hosed yellow button. I do the thing with EA, and the new one shows up today. I take it out of the box and get ready to put it through its paces, only when I put the disk in the drive, I get this strange rattling. Sounds like very distant jackhammering or something.

Disc unreadable. Fuck.

I pop it and try Mass Effect.

Strange noises. Disc unreadable. Fuck.

I pop it and throw in a DVD. It grinds but loads. Hmm.

Go back to Mass Effect.

Strange noises. Disc unreadable. Fuck.

The last thing I tried to do with my system was play Beyond Good and Evil over the weekend. (Really? Still no BC on that one?) And now this.

Anybody have any advice? Pointers? Know a quick remedy? Or am I still batting a thousand in the “broken 360s” division? Is this common? Is this going back to the lab? (VERY SUSPICIOUS, Microsoft, that my machine belly-ups just a day or two after I post saying I don’t see the value in the Live service.)

Must play Rock Band. Please help.

It’s broken. Take it back or send it in.