I would categorize myself as atheist with a slight touch of “What if it really is real?”. I tend to believe that when we die, that’s it, and there’s nothing beyond that.
But my mother – my best friend – passed away a few days ago, and I’m having a really hard time coping with it. It was not COVID, thankfully, and I was able to be by her side in her last hours, and I’m thankful that she’s no longer in any pain or discomfort, and that she was alert enough to know that my Dad and I were there with her.
But now I’m trying to find whatever comfort I can. My mother was well loved by everyone that ever met her, and the condolences rolling in remind me of that. During her lifetime, and my childhood, she had two best friends, that were also neighbors. Their families were our families, and one of the daughters was (and is) one of my own very good friends. One of those wonderful ladies passed away some years ago, and the other passed away just this past year, leaving my mother as the remaining member of the trio.
So in talking to the daughters of both of my mother’s friends, I said to one of them that “I like to think that my mom is now up there chatting with both of your moms, having coffee and gossiping.” Similarly, I like to think that she’s also reunited with my grandparents, and all of her brothers, whom she outlived.
But the thing is, I don’t really believe that’s happened, yet I keep telling myself that it has, because it makes me feel better. I can’t quite reconcile these things. Am I the only non-believer that has struggled with this?