Just wanted to pop in to say thank you all again for your condolences and perspectives. I haven’t replied because I honestly don’t have anything to add, but please know that I appreciate it, and it’s helping me cope.
Hang in there, Hansey; thank you for sharing what you’re going through, here.
In my personal conviction I defer to Paul McCartney because I think he said it best: “there will be an answer”
Hansey, what you just wrote is exactly, almost word for word, what I went through with my Dad a few weeks ago. I am also in the same boat of saying what you did and wishing I truly believed heaven and God were real. I’m really, really sorry you lost her, glad you got to have that time with her, because I felt the same as you did… that time to be with her and let her know she wasn’t alone, and is ultimately loved. That is one of the most important things in life.
The rest of my family has firm faith, mine is shaky. The problem was my exposure to evangelicals as a teen who lied and manipulated me in a not so subtle way as that I saw what was going on And the Bible stuff I wrote about before). Though I’m Catholic, and I was extremely active in every facet of the church, we hung out with all manner of people, and as my scientific knowledge grew, and my respect of the scientific process of needing some level of proof to believe in things, it made believing the way my family did in Jesus and an afterlife harder and harder to accept.
So some days I’m more open to trying to “move” my mind to believe God has to be real, and life continues beyond our mortal coils, but the logical centers of my brain say we’re just simple elements bound together through Darwinian evolution.
Maybe the real deal is there is an over-arching mystical force that binds us all together, living and not, and we continue on in an ethereal manner - the soul being the center of that entity. I think life, and for dealing with these difficult times, it’s easier for people who have an unquestionable faith in God except when you think about the harsh things that happen to good people.
If you need someone to talk to… for anything. Please hit me up. I promise, in real life, I’m pretty normal.
Hugs
-Jeff
Hansey, so sorry, I’m just now reading this as I catch up on Qt3 a little. Wishing you all the best in this time, and that you can find some forms of hope and healing going forward.
Like a few above, I walked away from a very strict, traditional Christian upbringing in my teens. There’ve been points I wished I thought it was real, though, perhaps as an indictment on my damned-soul character, not for reasons so noble as those above. . . I mostly just hoped there was a Hell so the hypocritical “Christian” politicians who lied, stole, cheated, and killed could suffer the punishment their own faith would clearly prescribe, heh.
There have definitely been points, moments of weakness and fear, that I wished there was someone. . . bigger than me, to take the responsibility, to provide an absolute answer, to show a definite path, when there wasn’t enough clarity. Never found that person, though. I muddled through on my own nonetheless, though. Well, usually with the support of loving friends and my partner, really :)