Bad lines of SciFi

Thog’s Masterclass

A collection of incredibly bad lines from popular scifi. Robert Jordan gets several mentions.

Some of my favorites:

`Nynaeve formed the image of her as a grown woman, concentrated.’ – Robert Jordan, ibid

`A few hours had passed since they had been pulled away from the moon. A few hours and millions of miles. The moon was no longer visible, not even as a star. The whole thing was so crazy, weird and far-out. It was as though they were floating in a giant vacuum.’ – Sara Cavanaugh, A Woman in Space

`Just to the south of them, the new Socket was like a titanic concrete bunker, the new elevator cable rising out of it like an elevator cable …’ – Kim Stanley Robinson, Green Mars

`Now Danelle’s big blue eyes looked thoughtfully inward.’ – Robert Jordan, The Fires of Heaven

`Nynaeve formed the image of her as a grown woman, concentrated.’ – Robert Jordan, ibid

`Most of the buildings around us were like towering boxes, almost phallic in their heights.’ – Michael Kring, ibid

`He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed.’ – Peter F. Hamilton, Mindstar Rising

`A few hours had passed since they had been pulled away from the moon. A few hours and millions of miles. The moon was no longer visible, not even as a star. The whole thing was so crazy, weird and far-out. It was as though they were floating in a giant vacuum.’ – Sara Cavanaugh, A Woman in Space

I haven’t even clicked the link yet, and I might not even do it ever, but man, this one is just terrible. The moon wasn’t visible… even as a star! Wait… what does that even mean? Crazy, weird, and far-out? Awesome. And what (fucking!) context am I supposed to have for “floating in a giant vacuum?” Nice job relating that experience to something everyone can identify with, ass.

Someone take away her writer’s license.

I had this book (or one of the ones in the series), and my brother and his girlfriend were making fun of bad sci-fi covers, and I was explaining how covers are always lurid, etc etc.

So they opened it up and read the first line. It was something like “Suzi crapped the cockroach into the toilet”.

It did not help my argument.

And on top of that, they’re apparently in space, so saying “I was floating in space, almost as though I were floating in a giant vacuum” is pretty funny.

I had this book (or one of the ones in the series), and my brother and his girlfriend were making fun of bad sci-fi covers, and I was explaining how covers are always lurid, etc etc.

So they opened it up and read the first line. It was something like “Suzi crapped the cockroach into the toilet”.

It did not help my argument.[/quote]

How the hell do you lift someone’s panties over their head? That’s terrible.

`He lifted her tee-shirt over her head. Her silk panties followed.’ – Peter F. Hamilton, Mindstar Rising

`The agony went on and on as she threshed about the room, oblivious to nothing but the pain.’ – Stephen Marley, Shadow Sisters

I choose to believe that these quotes were actually from the same author and book. At least, they do when she stops being oblivious to the pain of having her panties lifted over her head, which I think is the wedgie equivalent of the Yamamoto’s wave cannon attack thingie.

Maybe she was in zero-g and she was rotating.

All of a sudden Dan Brown doesn’t seem quite so terrible.

I wonder if www.silkpantiesbeingpulledoverherhead.com exists?