Best gentlemans club in Vegas?

I’m in Vegas for the next few days with my gf/fiancee - and she wants to see what a real strip club looks like. This is primarily because the ones in Vancouver and Victoria are total crap and I’ve told her so.

So - anyone here got any recommendations?

I recommend you lock that down, post haste!

Hi, I’m Bill. I’m born and raised in The Meadows, or Las Vegas, if you savvy.

I’ve been to almost every strip club in town, ever, here. The ones I have not, I have heard on repeated word of mouth of their status (or, usually, lack thereof).

First: there are 3 kinds of strip clubs in the greater Las Vegas Valley. See (and this is slowly changing, but I’m pretty sure it hasn’t happened yet), the City of Las Vegas has different, stricter ordnances regulating the viewing of nekkid wimmen than the (congruous but politically seperate in terms of some ordnances and organization - it has its own PD, f’r instance) City of North Las Vegas, or Northtown, or the ghetto.

1. I Want It All - you can only get this option in Northtown. Full nudity and cocktails. Here’s a little tip from your Uncle Bill: don’t go to Northtown. Not even with a few dudes, WAY not with your lovely lady. Oh, a million years ago The Palomino was tasty, but it’s not so much no more.

2. Fuck It, I’m Already Drunk Anyway - Once you dip into Las Vegas, City of, ordnance states you can’t serve alkey-hawl next to bare pussy. Who knows? Not me. Anyway, all they serve is water, juice and soda. They used to let you carry booze in, you’d just have to pour it into their cup (which cost $20-30). It was the tits, and not just the ones on stage, buying a 12-pack, lining it with a trash bag, filling it with ice, and then moseying into Little Darlings or Divas. But, that sort of defeated the purpose, and they outlawed it. The girls there don’t have to be 21, which means 18-year-olds aplenty. Which may be your thing, it’s actually kind of depressing when you hit Logan’s Run age IMO. Jeff Green would probably cry.

3. Okay, I’d Prefer Closer to my Hotel with Hot Chicks. Okay, here are most of the strip clubs. Topless, and on a convention week or any weekend, out of control. My list:

-Club Paradise. Best club in town. World-class-rated. Silly hot dancers. Mucho dinero. Across from the Hard Rock Hotel, it’s the closest dependable action to the main area of the Strip, just east a block (the HHH isn’t actually on the Strip, no matter what Con Air showed you). If you’ve got the stacks (and, IMO, you’d better come correct and make it a good experience for Mrs. Backov), this might be your best choice. I used to go there fairly often, as I dated a dancer there back in college.

-Spearmint Rhino. Since they expanded it, it’s crazy big, like the size of a gymnasium - a sexy gymnasium. The last time I was there was hooooooh, lessee, year and a half ago? I was carrying out a not dissimilar mission that you’re prepping for. My girlfriend was curious, so I took her there, which I guess is the best recommendation I can make. We went on a weekend, and even though the joint was packed with dudes (and, actually, more than a few female patrons), there were still dozens of hot dancers milling about. The staff is frendly (find a bouncer, slip him a Jackson or two, and he’ll fucking build you a table out of high heels and g-strings if he has to), and on a primo night, you just can’t find an unattractive stripper working. The only real downside is that it’s off the Strip in a seriously awful part of town. But if you leap from a cab straight in, who’s to know? Driving there, though - easy to get lost, and walking to and from your car is a harrowing adventure. Even if you have a car, leave it at the hotel and take a cab.

-Olympic Garden. Still hanging in there as a good place, The OG (as locals call it, way before that fruity show came out) is a great no-risk choice, but maybe better suited to a group of dudes rolling out than you and your woman. It’s kind of intimidating, with tables/stages everywhere, the can in the middle of the joint, people always plowing into each other in the free-for-all the main room turns into when it’s busy. For her, I’d pass. It’s in a decent spot, though - across from the Stratosphere, it’s kind of hard not to find it, and it’s just a cab ride straight up the Strip.

-Crazy Horse, Too. Another B+ place, it’s a good place for Da Boys, but it too is in a crap part of town (how does “Under the Freeway” grab you?) and not meant for a maiden voyage with your maiden.

-Cheetah’s. Whatever the good buzz this place had, that you may have heard, isn’t there as much anymore. It’s a good place to get a dancer who, uh, is down for the “Bonus Plan.” Just pick up some good blow, I guess. Pass.

-The Library. Yeah, that’s what it’s called. “I’m at the Library, Honey.” Hahahaha, get it? Sort of on par with Crazy Horse or Cheetah’s on its best day, you could do worse than this joint. If for whatever reason you don’t stay on the Strip (on Boulder Highway or God forbid Downtown), TL is a short jaunt, itself off Boulder Highway right next to US-95. It used to be a honkey-tonk joint that was home to a local serial killer and then it burned down in an arson fire, so it sort of has bad mojo attached to it. I went there like 3 years ago, and it’s the only strip joint I’ve been to where some dudes picked a fight with me for absolutely no reason. I stood up as somebody nudged my seat, and as I did, my chair went flying as one dude kicked it, and his buddy threw a shoulder into me. This was when I was in the midst of my phat workout regimen, so his drunk pudgy ass bounced off me and I just loked at the 4 of them like they were from Mars. Evidently, he was sweet on one of the dancers and was jealous that she was like talking to me or whatever, like dancers do, and not him, presumably becuase he was slobbering drunk, I dunno.

-Scores. Just opened, used to be Jaguars. I guess it’s world-class (the one in New York, anyway), but I haven’t been there. It’s not too far off the Strip, a block or so west near Desert Inn Road. It’s probably decent, but again, I’ve never been in it.

-Sin. It touts itself as an “adult night club,” which means snooty dancers and even more expensive drinks, I guess. It might be worth a go, since it promotes itself as a more a couples-type outing than any other place. But that might mean jack once you step foot inside and smell the rancid beer-soaked carpet and barf-flooded bathrooms (not to say they have these things, I don’t know). A plus is it’s the furthest south strip club by far, off Russell which is the south side of Mandalay Bay, just west a few blocks. Meaning, a cab ride will be at a minimum compared to other joints if you’re staying anywhere south of like Caesar’s Palace.

I’d go Rhino, unless you’re way south, then maybe this Sin joint. If you screwed up and are staying at a downtown shithole, OG will do. If you’re staying at the Hard Rock or adjacent, go for CP. If you end up in Henderson or Sam’s Town, the Library.

Be sure to pack maybe 1 or 2 hundo in twenties for lappies and drinx, and maybe 10 bucks in singles - you won’t be sitting stageside with her, but she may want to dabble. Get a table, grease a bouncer’s palm immediately if need be. Let her pick a girl out, then bumrush the dancer and set it up. Watch her for your amusement, avoid getting one yourself, you greedy bastard. Tip the dancer an extra tenner and tell her to come back around in an hour and pay her another 20-spot to dance all over your lady again. 50 bucks never went so good.

If you don’t like the groove wherever you go (like, hordes of leering dunken dipshits eyeing your gal), beat it ASAP. Don’t screw the pooch on this one, and be unselfish. Otherwise, you ain’t going near a strip club again, with her or with the boys, and all those fantasies of of you, her, and her hot friend Jennifer will melt away like so much Toht face.

A few ancillary tips: A block or so north of Scores, just off Sahara by I-15, is the Artisan. It’s a hoity-toity hotel that usesd to be a Best Western until some crazy people bought it and filled it with rich dark wood, artwork, and all sorts of stuff no Vegas hotel would dare to furnish their place with. It’s awesome. This Friday it will be packed with the local artist scene (such as it is), fresh off their monthly “First Friday” exhibit they have at the Charleston Art Exhibit in Shitsville, N. Las Vegas. The bar is comfy and unique, and the staff consists of lipstick lesbian friends of the owners’ daughter, so the service is interesting to say the least. And you won’t feel intimidated, since all the dudes are pale, wimpy art f^H^H^Hists, artists. Heh.

One block south of Sin is Diva’s Adult Store, the friendliest, coolest adult store ever. You can take your lady there, no problem. Browse the clothing racks in the back, or if you head straight back and hit the leftmost rack of porn vids, you’ll find the couples stuff. Nina Hartley is dying to teach you how to lick your lady’s pussy. Ask a friendly clerk for the Rabbit, for her.

DO NOT CALL A STRIPPER THAT WILL COME TO YOUR ROOM. They are all whores and will try to run you.

Wasn’t Spearmint Rhino one of the bosses in Metal Gear Solid?

Bill’s order is solid.

If I had first hand knowledge, I’d probably rank them:

Crazyhorse Too/Cheetah’s

After a week or so of pamphlet dodging on holiday, I’m curious - what the heck happens if you’re stupid enough to ring one of those numbers?

I’m sure Roger Wong has an anecdote about that…

I’ve had good experiences at Little Darlings, which is a Deja Vu club. It’s smaller, but quite comfy and fully nude. Also, the girls are attractive but not crazy hot on average, and it’s not been really crowded when I’ve been there, even on a Saturday night. But I’m sure that those who live there have given better advice.

I only collect the stripper cards.* I’m not foolish enough to actually call the numbers on them.

However, I have read elsewhere that if you call the numbers, women/men dressed as women who look nothing like the girl on the actual card come to your room and try to scam you out of all the money you have in your wallet.

* nothing says: “Hey, you’re my best buddy” than slipping a couple of random stripper cards into your friend’s glove compartment for his wife/gf to find.

By the way, a Dutch friend pointed out to me that there are no strip clubs in Amsterdam. “Why pay for a frustrating cock tease when you can just pay for the real thing?”

Ah, QT3 never dissapoints.

Ok, so it sounds like the Rhino is the place. I’ll have no problem with taking enough lapdance money, since it sounds like they’re cheap. A dance in Vancouver will run you $80… Mind you it’s full contact, you can touch. :)

So I’m correct in that the cash I’m spending for drinks is for completely non-alchoholic ones? Like fruit juice and stuff? How odd. My hometown back in the day had the same regulation, but it was originally founded as a Temperance colony… so wtf?

Otherwise, you ain’t going near a strip club again, with her or with the boys, and all those fantasies of of you, her, and her hot friend Jennifer will melt away like so much Toht face.

What is a Toht? Anyway, not worried about that… They’re not fantasies for me. On tuesday night we hit the Green Door to check that shit out. I’m a lucky guy.

Thanks a lot guys, I’ll definitely be using this advice to good effect.

And ya, I know about the hooker cards. I just collect and trade em.

I didn’t know that Scores opened in Vegas. The one in NYC is splendid, and gets a lot of free promotion by Howard Stern.

Yeh. They had some chicks from the Vegas Scores on Stern one day, they had it on E! as well. Tight bodies, no asses, and can’t keep rhythm to save your life. If that’s your cup o’ tea, I guess.

Here’s what happens when you order up one of them girls offa the pamphlets:

You call her and she quotes you a price, maybe $200-300. . Usually, she’ll offer you two for one and bring a friend, so that there are two of them in the room, if there’s more than one or two of you. So, you giggle, control your hard-on and count out your dues.

She shows up and actually, she’s pretty hot, and seems friendly. She asks for the money up front. You hand her $300.

And that’s where the fun ends.

She’ll put away your 3 Bennies and then break off a spiel about how that’s the agency’s money, she doesn’t get any of it, she works for tips, and her tips are usually up around $500-1000. But, she promises, she’ll “take care of you.”

At this point a few things should be evident:

  1. She ain’t talking about dancing.

  2. She’s full of shit about the money, but what are you going to do? Guess what, she rolled up with a dude or three in seperate cars. Their job: to beat the shit out of you if you fuck up and/or if it’s a residential home, burn the house down or God knows what.

  3. If it’s like a bachelor party or something, you can forget about her performing in front of everyone. She’ll want money from everyone, because she’s not talking about dancing.

  4. You could haggle her down some, but wow, won’t that be fun? And again, it won’t be a dance.

See, she’s running a game. She’s a hooker, but only for mack daddy guys with money to burn. An agency would go under if it really charged $300. It gets a cut of that, and so do those pipe-hittin’ boyz outside. But, she trapped you, saying it was only $300, then taking it off you before demanding more with thugs outside ready to pound on your ass. You either pay here another $300-500 and get something a far cry from a dance, or sheepishly apologize, give her like $40 and pray they don’t kill you. And she’s just made $300 minimum, just for harrassing and disappointing you for 15 minutes. She didn’t have to dance or bend over or nothin’. You did, though.

Don’t ever call those broads.

Heh. That’s pretty much what I thought, give or take some credit card fraud.

Okay. Now I’m convinced that Bill D. knows everything about everything. Well, at least everything important.

Whoops, missed your post last time, sorry. One lap dance for one song is 20 bucks. They can touch you, but you’re not supposed to touch them (they may let you, especially your girlfriend). Another song is another 20.

So I’m correct in that the cash I’m spending for drinks is for completely non-alchoholic ones? Like fruit juice and stuff? How odd. My hometown back in the day had the same regulation, but it was originally founded as a Temperance colony… so wtf?

No. Sorry, maybe I wasn’t clear: it’s all good for booze in regular topless-only strip clubs like the Rhino.

What is a Toht? Anyway, not worried about that… They’re not fantasies for me. On tuesday night we hit the Green Door to check that shit out. I’m a lucky guy.

Holy shit. I’d thought about including that, but it’s kind of an ordeal to explain the whys and wherefores and I wasn’t sure where your lady was at with that kind of stuff. You better go on a weekend, or the ugly:hot ratio is going to kill you(r dick).

Holy crap, I didn’t even know places like that existed.

My wife and I are going to Vegas for Valentine’s Day and I can pretty much guarantee that we won’t be visiting the Green Door anytime soon.

Vegas never ceases to amaze.