Blindsided and in freefall.

Boy, that brings back unhappy memories.

I’d have days after my divorce when I’d have a nightmare featuring my ex, but then I’d wake up, and that actually felt worse because I liked it better when she was there, even if she was being horrible.

It’s difficult to go through, but it will get easier.

For what it’s worth, I think the way you’re handling it is very admirable. The roommate situation sounds less than ideal to me, but I don’t think you’d feel better if you went off and added to the chaos of what’s already going on. It seems to me like you’re on a better path.

Inviting Mark over is a dick move. But I guess there’s nothing you can do about it.


So the shopping went well. I actually enjoyed it. But funny thing. I essentially got the full shopping cart. I suppose that she was seeing how much I would buy. And I purchased about half of what she would buy. $115 as opposed to her usual $200+. I was quick and efficient. The whole trip, to the store and back home was about an hour.

I call that a win. Is this me being petty?

Nope, this is you showing what “you” is without her. I hope she’s taking notes. :)

So… Since the wife lost her previous job, her insurance that covers me, was set to end June 1st. That means that I made sure that I had a doctor appointment before then. I set it up for May 30. He wasn’t in the office then. So I was scheduled for today.

I got a call from the office telling me that i had a $320 balance owed. The insurance was ended early.

The fuck?

Anyway I cancelled my appointment for today because we just can’t afford it. I need prescriptions. I need to take care of my health.

The wife is furious. She was assured that she had insurance until June 1st. She paid for it. The whole month of May.

Anyway she’s going to essentially get in touch with her old job and hopefully get shit fixed.

My doctor recommended Oscar Insurance, covered by Cigna, under the ACA. I’ll be checking it out tomorrow. I can’t not have my Effexor. The withdrawal symptoms are, I am told, pretty bad.

And as well, all of the other pills are quite important for an old man like me.

It never rains, but it fucking pours shit.

You could consider keeping the previous insurance under COBRA (for a year anyways). But you’d probably have to be pretty desperate to want to pay the likely completely outrageous loaded cost.

The ACA marketplace is a frustrating trip if you’ve never had the pleasure. Be prepared to pay a large amount for really bad coverage that nearly amounts to catastrophic insurance. Spend the time to estimate your taxes etc, otherwise you will pay the fully loaded cost of the crappy insurance. But OTOH it’s still better than things were before the ACA existed, and they mostly still can’t bar preexisting conditions & etc.

When will our backwards country ever get it together on universal health care?

Hope the shit starts getting better soon!

Until you get insurance sorted, maybe there’s a telehealth option that connects to your healthcare network or records? I’ve paid $50 cash for a video chat in the middle of the night before to get a prescription fixed and renewed.

I’ve been following the thread but haven’t said much – rooting for you through all this.

Again, thanks for the kind words.

Signed up for Oscar. They’re reviewing my enrollment. Will take up to three days. No way to see prices on their website, I assume, until enrollment goes through.

The word for today is homeostasis. There is no infighting or anger. There is only me and she here. There is a pleasant living situation. If you don’t want love. Affection. Closeness.

Whatever I want in that respect is not reciprocated. But it’s better than being homeless. For whatever reason, I can deal with this.

Her daughter is here from Egypt. Soon her son and his wife will be here as well. In the past I would bitch and moan about this.

Now I just don’t care. There are levels of being uncomfortable. Of anxiety. And I believe I have reached the top. There are things that I do not have the mental energy to worry about.

I no longer sweat the light stuff. I think that just shows one of the reasons that she got here. I sweated the light stuff too fucking much. And it pissed her off.

Once again I spoke too soon. Argument. Fight. Disrespect. Anger.

Isn’t a roller coaster supposed to be fun?

I don’t know how long I can take this. I’m going to snap. I’m going to lose it.

She just doesn’t care about my feelings. Just hers. She made it clear. She wants me out. Any way that it can be done.

I am taking my anti-depressants every other day now. To make them last. When they run out… I just do not fucking know. All bets are off.

So. Look. It never feels like a good time to drop stuff like this, but now seems no better than any other time….it seems like you may be in crisis mode and just know that you have options to talk things out.

I don’t know what organizations are good out there, but my sister worked a crisis help line for many years. Many people just need someone to vent to when they are angry, sad, or all of the above. There are people out there who can just listen. I realize QT3 is your sounding board, but at the end of the day we are just a forum and it may be good to voice your feelings out loud and get them off your chest. I suggest you take the time to call someone. Many hotlines are 24/7 and free.

Perhaps I missed something, but if she wants to be separated so badly, why can’t she leave? Is there some reason it is just assumed you would be the one to go? Does she own the house or something?

I am logging in just to say I feel and support you, Rich. I have been there in different forms and it’s… not a good time. Hang in there. For yourself, first of all, but also for the rest of us who care.

We are both owners. I get around $800 a month in Soc Sec. She makes all of the money. It’s complicated.

Much appreciated, man. Thanks.

What about selling the house? It seems like she is trying to manipulate you into giveing up and leaving. Which may end up being the best thing for you to do. But that doesnt mean walking away from whats yours.

You don’t have to be her punching bag, or take everything she tells you as the honest truth.
I went thru a divorce after 10 years of marriage, and the situation was pretty different from what you have described, but has a lot if crossover in some area’s.

One of those was abuse. It doesnt have to be physical. And verbal abuse, doesnt just mean yelling and screaming. It includes costant put downs, erosion of confidence, a loss of sense, or connection to reality sombody tells you something everyday, and you start to believe it.

Sorry if I’m reading more into it then what is really there.

I dunno. I’m reading it that way too, and I never went through a divorce to trigger that reaction in me. It’s just what is written on the tin.

@RichVR, do you really think this is salvageable? Because if not, you need to try to get ahead of what’s coming somehow. If this is heading to divorce, you need to protect yourself, and consult a lawyer to avoid making mistakes that could have serious ramifications for your divorce settlement later.

I know money is an issue for you right now. I think Qt3 – whose generosity has funded a lot in the past, like a Steam Deck for @jpinard – should come together here and start crowdfunding money for you to consult an attorney and pay for your anti-depressants out of pocket until you get some things settled. I would certainly be willing to contribute a couple hundred bucks at the minimum. Anyone else?

Count me in. And I agree with you, now is not the time to float on the unknown waters with no course. Now is the time to protect yourself from storms to come, Rich.

Absolutely this. Anything that reduces stress. That’s what friends do.

Well. I must say that this is unexpected… but then not so much, being Qt3.

It would help, certainly. OTOH I feel kinda funny about it. Ultimately I need to keep seeing my doctor.

If it happens all I can say is thank you all so very much. Tearing up. Later.