Blindsided and in freefall.

All the best vibes, man.

Sorry to hear about this Rich. It sounds like your wife was concerned for your safety. I hope that you two will be able to get counselling and sort things out. 30 years is a long time and I can see how the thought of that disappearing could really give anyone a huge shock.

Thinking of you Rich - hang in there.

Rich, love you brother. So sorry you’re going through this.

Sorry, Rich. A horrible experience to go through.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this Rich.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, Rich. Tomorrow will be a better day, and please know we’re all supporting you, here.

Hope things get better.

Damn, dude. This sucks.

Man, hang in there, buddy. It may not be much, but you can unload on us if you need to.

This!

Please, we’re here for you.

Sorry to hear all this; please keep sharing whatever helps you. What a double punch.

Hope it works out.

Considering my 25 year marriage came to an end recently (not so recently, really; I noticed she was pulling away from me 8 years ago, and I tried all sorts of things for us to stay together, but in March 2022 I figured out there was no point trying anymore and divorce is about to be finalized this month or the next), I can relate to an extent to what you’re going through. And yeah, it hurts like hell. And yeah, when you’re hurt like that, you want to hurt something else, and that something else usually ends up being yourself.

Based on my experience, I’ll just share what worked for me in the form of advice. These things might not work for you, but I can only give what I have.

First, put yourself in a safe space and let yourself feel the things. Writing a journal during the whole process (and exclusively about that process) was instrumental in keeping me sane during the whole thing. I would allow myself to vent, to be angry at my ex-wife, at myself, at the world and the universe. Or confess to the pages my undying love nurtured for decades. Or cry. Or beg. Or do all sorts of things I’d never do or express in “real life”, so to speak.

With time, feelings started to change, to coalesce, to subside. Things started to unblur, too. And I saw a lot of things I just couldn’t see because of all the turmoil in my head. Every once in a while I would return and read my earlier writings, and so much had changed already. It was encouraging to see how far I’d come already from those first days… how much I had found myself through all that. How much resolve I had.

And, eventually, I even found the place to have hope. To be at peace (well, as much as we can be in a world like ours). To take the steps I needed to own my own life and to look at the future with renewed strength.

We are friendly, me and my ex-wife. I don’t wish her ill. I think it’s very likely she’ll come to regret divorcing me and miss me terribly. In rational terms, it was a stupid thing for her to do. But hey, humans are not always rational. And I’m glad I managed to keep some semblance of reason through the whole thing to be at the place I am now.

Many people other than you and me went through the same thing. Some people on this very forum thought their lives were over, only to be happy and fulfilled a few months later. So give yourself time and things should be OK. I think they will. I hope they will.

Hang tough Rich, you’re a good dude, one of the best of the forum.

Sorry that happened, Rich. I’m thinking about and feeling for you. I hope the hurting turns to healing. Hope that doesn’t sound too trite.

Hang in there! No matter what happens there are people here that care about you and support you.

We got your back man. I can’t even imagine the shock to the system a surprise like that would be. I have no doubt that unfortunately I would likely react in a similar fashion. It’s kind of hard not to when it’s such a surprise. As everyone else has said we’re here for you if you need anything. Stay strong bro.

Sorry you have this going on Rich. Seems like the best advice is to work on yourself…and let everything else fall into place including your relationship with your wife.

That was such a personal, heartfelt and incredible post. Thank you for sharing that with Rich and the rest of us. I am so glad that you’ve found hope and strength at the end of that journey, it’s inspiring to hear that. I wish you all the best @rhamorim .

These words are so important. It most certainly doesn’t feel like anything will ever be OK right now I’m sure, as you just experienced a couple of incredibly traumatic events, but the truth is IT WILL BE OK. In time, and that amount of time differs for everyone based on their circumstances, but in time things will be OK. They may never be the same, but they will be OK, and most likely, at some point, things will even be GOOD again. That is the hope you must find within yourself while you do what you need to do to get through the next hours and turn them into days, which will become weeks, and at some point you will find that things are OK again.

In the meantime, we are here for you.

Hey Rich. I went through a divorce a few years ago. Was with her for 15 years and discovered she was making plans to cheat.

The stuff you’re feeling is normal. I know it’s raw now. Let yourself feel the feelings. Just let it happen. It’s gonna take a while.

Ultimately, and I know this is cliche, the only person who can make you happy is you. Once you get to that place, you’ll find you can be happy with others again too. It’s a long jouney, I’m certainly still not there. Definitely get a therapist.

If you wanna talk I’m here. We’re all here! Stay strong brother!