Show him this.
You really take this roleplaying thing seriously, New Bender.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, ‘Probably because of something you did.’
You are a hopeless romantic, Dive.
All right, I’m done.
Your belly button is just your old mouth.
The best though comes from here:
“Lobsters are mermaids to scorpions”
I will donate $1mil to charity if Donald Trump can prove I have Native American ancestry.
If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it’ll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.
It’s terrible that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs.
Does Jimmy Dean’s wife eat his sausage?
If you were a butcher and your store caught fire, would you stay and help the fire department put it out or would you grab your meat and beat it?
Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.
Is flat Diet Coke still diet coke? It is missing an ingredient, the fizz.
Flat Diet Coke is one of the saddest things in the world, up there with homeless kittens and the death of Freddie Mercury
We are sympatico, Armando. Don’t let the banana lovers get you down, bro.
Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana? Now split!
The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it’s as though you always get in ten minutes after the big picture has started, and no-one will tell you the plot, so you have to work it out all yourself from the clues.
Skynet is not when computers decide to overthrow humanity and push them to extinction. Skynet is when computers become like the asshole cat that pushes everything off the table surface, and set out to frustrate us at every turn.
Skynet is here.
I am working on Skynet.
It breaks to amuse itself at my expense.
If humans could fly, we would consider exercise and never do it.
Doing great, guys! Keep 'em coming!