Depression 2018


#41

Yo, dude. Let me take a minute to catch up with you. I don’t suffer from depression, and I’m not a qualified professional, I’m just another dude. But I’ve known some folks with depression, and I know how they’ve talked about it. And you may recognize right now that your brain is fucking with you. Because in a very real sense, your brain is your enemy. It’s also the thing that keeps you moving and breathing, so it’s a complicated relationship.

Can I ask if you’ve ever been to see a therapist? Do you take any medication? Because if your answer to either or both is no, I would urge you to consider seeing someone. I don’t know if @Ephraim still hangs around these parts, but I’m pretty sure he is a professional in these areas, and I imagine he’d say something much the same. If you have or are seeing a therapist, or are on medication, I would urge you to tell them about this, because what you’re doing doesn’t seem to be working for you. There’s no reason you have to feel this way. Nobody is without worth, but it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking so.

It’s none of my business, and you don’t really know me, so I wouldn’t think less of you if you read this and think, pssh, whatever. But your friends and family can’t really help you with this, much as they’d like to. You need specialized assistance here, and I hope you talk to someone.


#42

I really, honestly, appreciate the response. I’ve tried therapy a couple of times over the years, but pretty much without exception the sessions end up with the two of us sitting in awkward silence until the time runs out. They seem to be relying on me to drive the conversation, but that’s just something I cannot do. I just freeze up in that kind of situation and shut down, so we both sit there watching the clock. Maybe that’s an issue of not finding the right person, but it ends up fueling the narrative of me being someone with nothing to say and no ability to say it, so I might as well fuck off to the side and let everyone else go about their way.


#43

Don’t give up, and please see if you can see a psychiatrist. Therapy might not be for you, but medicine might help. It has greatly changed many lives for the better.


#44

Mate, if I was the first response to your post I would echo everything divedivedive said. I really hope you’re able to get to a place where you can say “I deserve X”. You may not realize it in your current frame of mind, but there is nothing you don’t deserve. You have immense value, and I am confident in saying that even though I don’t personally know you.

This is just my own personal experience, but I’ve found that the two things in life that stave off any negative thoughts about myself is immersion in nature and human interaction. There are many people around who would love to be your friend. I find that there’s much less pressure in meeting new people when engaging in a common interest together, boardgame groups that meet regularly are a great example of this.

Anyway just some thoughts, try a different therapist. I hope you feel better.


#45

Yeah, I don’t think it’s unusual to have to kind of test drive a few therapists/doctors until you find someone that really clicks. Which sucks, no doubt about it. If I had to go get started with someone, then figured out this isn’t working and had to bail and start over, I’d get discouraged. That’s another speed bump in the road for you. I hope you can find someone because I do think it would help. Unfortunately I don’t know a really good first step - do you know anyone who is seeing a therapist or doctor for depression? Recommendations are useful.

Anyway, as you can at least hopefully see from these posts so far, what’s going on in your head isn’t representative of reality - it’s incorrect to think you are worthless. Folks around here, me included, are up for chats about whatever. I am playing RDR2, so you can always post about what’s going on in your game over in one of those threads. Sometimes you need to get outside your own head, I know that feeling.


#46

Well, this is certainly not my experience with you here, that is for sure. :)

I echo everyone else’s comments.


#47

To which I’d respond that I feel guilt and shame for being either too lazy or incompetent (or both) to properly articulate my thoughts on Tokyo Story.


#48

To which I’d respond that:

1.) I feel the same regarding the Star Trek thread that I started (sorry, @divedivedive, I’ll get on it, I promise).
2.) I thought your comments were fantastic.
3.) Other film comments
4.) Pink Floyd.
5.) Games


#49

Sometimes you need to find the right therapist. I had a therapist fall asleep on me. Twice. I made little progress with her, but when I found a therapist that clicked? Breakthroughs.

So yeah, seek a psychiatrist too, but therapy can be an amazing tool when effective.

You have friends here who care about you regardless. Even if you use us as the rope to pull you out of this hole, we’ll gladly be there.


#50

Nature, I get that and I enjoy it–it’s one of the reasons I enjoy photography. But almost every time that I’m around other people (outside of a work situation where the roles and duties are strictly defined), it ends up very drastically underlining my sense of being alone. If I’m by myself, I can say I feel alone because I’m the only one there. If other people are around… I don’t have that excuse. I’m just unable to connect.


#51

Let me just say right now–holy shit. I didn’t expect this kind of response. I might have wiped away a few tears over the course of the evening.


#52

Brian, why did you slip her a Mickey, if you didn’t want her to fall asleep? :)

Seriously, try, try and try again. It’s like anything. You have a problem. If that professional can’t help you fix it, try another.


#53

People have already said things better than I can. I’ve had some similar feelings as you describe and it can really get to you. Even though I had gotten good performance reviews and raises I was convinced I was just good at tricking them into thinking I was good. People seem really good at convincing themselves the negative thoughts they can come up with about themselves are true.

If I can make one suggestion…
If you do visit a therapist, take some time before and to write down your feelings. It is so much easier to read something you’ve already written then to think how to express your feelings on the fly. Just take a deep breath and read.

I hope you can get this sorted out because you don’t deserve to feel like this.


#54

Have you tried getting a dog? Dogs can be wonderful. If you don’t want to get a dog you could try volunteering to walk dogs at a rescue, something like that.

You might also try finding a game shop that runs pen and paper and boardgames. Try to get into a gaming group. You like games and this could be a way to interact with some others.

Have you thought about taking an evening class in something that interests you? History, literature, maybe something like that?


#55

I do have pets and I’m part of several regular social groups–a weekly movie club, a group that does regular happy hours, and another group I watch football with each Sunday–but even though I do enjoy those activities, being around other people greatly magnifies the sense of loneliness. My low points are almost always on the way home from those events as it becomes especially clear that I don’t fit in or belong there. I’m always alone, even if other people are around.


#56

I always used to call that feeling “Star Trek on Sunday evening”.

When I was a kid, they’d show Star Trek: TOS on Sunday evenings at 7. And I used to love it…but hallway through the episode I realized the weekend was ending, and tomorrow I’d have to go to school. So the good times were tinged with melancholia.


#57

That’s not some failing on your part. That should not be the way therapy works. People often have to go through a large number of therapists to find a good one. Please don’t stop.


#58

I understand the feelings about talk therapy. I was lucky enough to find a psychopharmacologist who was, primarily, a talk guy. He taught at a local college as well as being a goto guy for several hospitals.

Sometimes, during our sessions he would look like he was tired or even napping. But he always would perk up to move the discussion along. I later found out that the feigned dispassion or eyes closed were themselves a form of therapy. He was listening. He helped me a lot, until I ended up in another insurer.


#59

Um. Wow. That’s great. Where could I find anything like that?


#60

Its heart breaking that you feel this way about yourself – like someone else said, you don’t deserve to feel this way - your brain is lying to you. Gosh, I know first hand what it feels like to stare into that black hole – its horrible, mostly because it is so hard to step back from and believe that things will be better. But they will.

Please don’t lose hope that you can find someone. I have a friend that, from what you say, was in a very similar situation to yours – in his mid 40’s and had never been in a romantic relationship – I have no idea why, he’s is the kindest, nicest person you would ever want to meet. But desperately shy and lonely, and full of insecurities. This past year he met and married and seems to have finally shrugged off the depression that clung to him. I hope this doesn’t come off as trite, but I’m sure most here will know somebody like this. I’m trying to say that there is someone out there who will love you and want to spend their life with you.

Hell, you love gaming, animals and nature. I don’t even know you but I know there is lots to love about you. Try a therapist again – don’t settle for one who doesn’t click with you and doesn’t help you with strategies to fight off your feelings of worthlessness, or at the very least can help you to recognize where these feelings are coming from and hopefully fight them off.
Take care, I hope you’re okay.
Linn