Chances for Redemption: Redemption?! The man has never made a good game, yet he is still a well-known developer, probably because of his immense ego and ability to single handedly put the entire PC gaming community into an uproar every time he types out an arrogant post on a message board. The only reason Smart didn’t make number one on this list is that he doesn’t take ten years to release a game and doesn’t waste millions of dollars on huge development teams.
Crimes Against Gamers: Derek Smart is the biggest asshole of the gaming world. Many have tried to contest this ignominious title - from Mike Wilson to Bernie Stolar - but frankly there isn’t a chance in hell anyone not convicted of a capital offense could ever surpass Smart for sheer “that motherfucker!” quality. Smart is also a pretty intelligent guy, and has some fantastic ideas for games, but for whatever reason his executions of these ideas fall far short of expectations. This is a common failing of developers but where it goes sour with Smart is when he opens his fool mouth, particularly on the Internet. Smart is a hothead and loves to search for his name in Google and then become enraged at the slightest affront to his overwhelming genius. He has no qualms with boasting about his latest and greatest upcoming game while simultaneously insulting the parents of someone who was “slightly disappointed with Battleship 4D”. He’s probably using his giant brain to read my mind while I’m writing this and is already composing a hotly worded reply to post on the forums of his web site.
You know, I remember a time when Something Awful was really funny, very original and had a whole lot of both time and love put into it. Seeing it descend to this level is like watching a puppy being kicked into jam.
PETER MOLYNEUX? SERIOUSLY, WHAT’S UP WITH THAT GUY? AND WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH AIRLINE FOOD??? I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME PEOPLE
I like the fact they seem to think Take 2 is the only thing keeping 3D Realms afloat. And that they’ve switched engines repeatedly (i.e. once). Also, John Romero jokes (BRILLIANT!). Also also: Rap Chips as the “Awful Link of the Day”? Welcome to last year, SA.
And finally:
Broussard and company have been devaluing their franchise by repeatedly cashing in on it with knockoff titles about as fun as licking razors. Remember “Duke Nukem: Land of the Babes”? I didn’t think so.
If nobody remembers it how can it devalue the franchise?
You know, I remember a time when Something Awful was really funny, very original and had a whole lot of both time and love put into it. Seeing it descend to this level is like watching a puppy being kicked into jam.
Really? I don’t. Take a simple computer program that will take all synonyms for the terms “ugly”, <some body part> and “explode”, randomly capitalize some of them, then recombines them into quasi-grammatical sentence fragments. Now pretend that every day this computer program dumps its output to an internet web site, and also pretend that this web site is expanding at a greater rate than the known universe. Also introduce a priced forum scheme. Equals sign, Something Awful.
I guess SA is mildly amusing if you like your humor comfortably formulaic and are still laffing at circa 1996 l337 hacker jokes, but that basically makes you the internet geek equivalent of the chili encrusted trucker still crackin’ “Where’s the Beef?” jokes.
Nah, JeffK was never amusing, but a lot of the stuff on there was. I’m not going to bother justify that, due to humour being such a subjective thing and me not actually caring about your opinion, but I used to really enjoy it. Not for a long, long time now though.
I’m not going to bother justify that, due to humour being such a subjective thing and me not actually caring about your opinion, but I used to really enjoy it.
While you’re taking time to send messages about how little you care about the opinions of people who you don’t actually care about (really!), here’s another trick you can try: write “ALIENS, I DON’T BELIEVE IN YOU” on your lawn with gasoline, then light it on fire on a cloudy, moonless night.
It’s not like there’s much else to do on a message board, sweetie - at least not when you’re just running over to insult people for not sharing your sense of humour. Now, you run along and write a five page rant about the Chthulian excesses of gynacology so that we may all further bask in your insight.
It’s not like there’s much else to do on a message board, sweetie… Now, you run along and write a five page rant about the Chthulian excesses of gynacology so that we may all further bask in your insight.
Are you coming on to me? Because between having the nickname of a nymph who really likes to suck despite clearly being a guy, sassily calling me “sweetie” and then asking me to talk dirty to you about vaginas, I’m not sure if you’re trying to have sex with me or you accidentally alt tabbed out of your Everquest account right before clicking the Submit button. Either way, the gender confusion of it all is kind of creepy and kind of awesome.
I object to your scandalous, outrageous, vitriol-filled accusations. I haven’t played Everquest for over three years, dammit! My lawyers will be in touch shortly to play The Horse Song at you until you crack. This will not take long.
Also, I don’t think you can really alt-tab out of Everquest due to its fruity anticheating scheme, so obviously the unmitigated victory here goes to you. Unless you are running EQWindows, in which case I win after all. So I guess we’ll settle this the old fashioned way: which one of us can tally up the most bitching Crimsonland high score, thus completely immasculating our opponent. 1.9.1 only, please.
Derek Smart isn’t a jerk by any stretch of the imagination. He has his ideas, pushes them through to completion as best he can, and makes a fairly good crack at getting himself and his products noticed in a world of mediocrity and greed. Bringing a game project to completion is a severe test of character, especially when the odds are stacked against you.
John Romero let his ego and lack of management experience run ahead of his ability to deliver. That’s something everyone is guilty of under the right circumstances, and it doesn’t take much. Romero just had a bigger playpen than most which is why it got noticed. Eidos should cop most of the blame for not bringing some measure of control to the situation. Romero’s decision to walk away, start a company focusing on core concepts and games, and build towards bigger targets over time, follows the advice I pushed out in public forums. That’s not being a jerk, that’s being smart.
What about Molyneux? He was stupid to shout his mouth off with a deadline and force the game out in that timeframe. It was clear to anyone the game needed reworking and polish. Putting it out as it was wasn’t being a jerk it was being immoral, and the entire game industry backed him. It’s easy to knock him for it, I certainly did. It’s harder to accept that we’re not an island and our actions are determined in large part by the social structures that surround us. Molyneux only did and got away with what he did because he was surrounded by drooling fools.
Larry Probst is the ultimate statement on the underlying values of the American enonomy. That would make a successful jerk in a complete nation full of mediocre jerks wouldn’t it? I smell ignorance and jealousy here.
George Broussard? Now you’re talking. This is a guy who can’t admit to doing anything wrong and who loves shoving blame onto other people. You’ll never get a freely offered apology from this man, neither will you get freely offered thanks. He’s the big “I AM” who rides a surfboard on a wave of money earned by other people. You know the rest…
So who’s the biggest jerk? No, it ain’t even Broussard. It’s you for putting up with the drivel these people talk. It’s you for reading the lazy shite that laughingly calls itself journalism. It’s you for pumping money into eye candy upgrade after eye candy upgrade. It’s you for not demanding demo’s before buying a game. It’s you for not slagging off demo’s that don’t properly represent the full game. It’s you for not having measured and resonable discussion about games. It’s you for being interested in the nit picky details of game development that should be black box. It’s you for not having hobbies and interests that grow your character.
Filter. Don’t tolerate or encourage it. Don’t add to it.
The secret to SA. If Rich writes the articles, they are funny, anyone else = crap. Zack is the least funny of all the other crappy editors (I forgot the name of the other person that can sometimes be funny, but only Rich is consistent).
I’ll take that a step further: If it’s about Rich’s real life then it’s funny, if it’s just random scribbles about something or other, then it’s not. I think the ‘one update a day’ thing was really a bad, bad idea.
Though I do LOVE the G.I. Joe plot articles, those are hilarious.
I don’t know, I still think it is pretty good. The Hentai game reviews are always entertaining, and Photoshop Phriday is usually good (not today though). This one: http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=443 [ was kinda funny…
