DERPSPACE: Encounter at Regula O.S.S. |OT| A bold new space game by Gordon Cameron

I want a pony.

…made of diamonds.

Uh…Comfortable?

Are the rumors true? DERPSPACE to be an EPIC store exclusive? Also how many yachts came with the contract? ;)

While we have fielded many lucrative offers from online retailers, we believe we have found the perfect exclusive distributor for DERPSPACE™:

FREE INFOCOM ADVENTURE GAMES???

That really sealed the deal.

$40 value from Zork 2… pfft, now that it’s 1987 the game is six years old!

So ah… do we have full 90 minute long startup procedures for the ship launched fighters implemented yet?

“Press F for 30 minutes”. Meaningful gameplay!

Yeah man! wouldn’t that be mad immersive! I’m getting visually stunned just thinking about it!

“Press V for 40 minutes to be Visually stunned”.

Well, beats waiting 1 hour for a cloud just to get a star and find out the whole thing is about the atomic bomb (as if). ;)

Having your President look like a pedophile is a bold move.

It’s been awhile since we had an update. Are JPEG’s going to be up for sale soon?

Yes! Introducing the Merpendrian Science Frigate, the chief exploratory vehicle of the struggling Merpendrian Potentate, a splinter faction which broke off from the Derpassian Empire a century ago and has been fighting a desperate war for independence ever since. The Science Frigate plies the cosmos in search of ancient technology and worlds rich in natural resources, the better to serve the Potentate’s quest for self-determination.

You, yes you, can own this JPEG for a mere $49.99! But hurry, because this is part of a limited special edition – only 8,999 will be sold. For an additional $229.99 you can also purchase the in-game Science Frigate to go with your JPEG, assuming we ever bother to design it. The in-game Frigate will look something like this:

0–[]—[]<

(Please don’t download this image.)

Ok, this sounds like a scam. You know why? When there are other people selling JPEGs for hundreds of dollars, getting one for just $49.99 seems way too good to be true. Also, there’s a distinct lack of Gary Oldman in your samples.

Disruptors gonna disrupt.

Incidentally, we are planning to put more Gary Oldman in our images, but we are currently still negotiating the finer points of our deal with him, which is to say, he maced us the last time we hid in the bushes outside his house.

You can try to go for other celebrities. Like Sandi Gardiner.

We asked ourselves, who is the biggest star in the world right now? The biggest.

And then it hit us. It’s so obvious.

Well he’s no John Candy, but he’s on his way for sure.