DERPSPACE: Encounter at Regula O.S.S. |OT| A bold new space game by Gordon Cameron

For added celebrity goodness, can we get Eric Estrada to pitch the properties during the initial land grab?

Here he is at the top of his game. Think of this as a demo reel for the DERPSPACE project.

The fake lake out in some rural area in California. This was an episode of The Rockford Files. I don’t know if war ever changes, but real estate scams certainly don’t.

uh

Roadmap.

Ken Anderson deserves to be in the Hall of Fame.

Ground vehicles, I hear they’ll be all the rage in grand space sims. What’s their status here?

Gordon had better not tolerate a ground-vehicle gap!

Where there are roadmaps there are tanks.

Ground vehicles are all well and good.

But let me ask you this.

Let me ask you this.

How many space sims have…

underground vehicles?

The truth is in there.

In a shocking turn of events, it appears that Gordon Cameron has stealth-announced a 1X strategy game using what appears to be the same graphics engine as DERPSPACE. This raises some concerns:

  • Are DERPSPACE backer funds being diverted to this pet strategy game project? Is this the reason we still don’t have a playable build? It has been SEVERAL MONTHS; writing software just can’t be that hard.
  • We have seen some other unnamed space game developers run into trouble for dodgy engine reuse across multiple games. Can we please get reassurance that all the I’s have been crossed and the T’s dotted on this? It would be horrible if the future of DERPSPACE was threatened due to a sloppy licensing mistake.

Which X applies to Checkers? ‘Exterminate,’ I suppose?

Would it make you feel better if I said this was an important project to help develop the incredibly sophisticated AI that will make DERPSPACE™ the most amazing virtual world in videogame history?

I mean, if you can jump across a piece on an 8x8 grid, you can also navigate a spacecraft through a 40x20 gri^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H three-dimensional fully-simulated cosmos.

Yeah, that was my thinking.

I guess it’s ok, as long as you hire Patrick Stewart to do the voice acting for Checkers.

I was thinking more Jeff Bridges:

“The Grid… a digital frontier…”

Wouldn’t Checkers also be eXpand, for board control, making it a 2x? I hope more thought is put into DERPSPACE’s vision.

Imagine an atom.

Now imagine there are other atoms around that atom.

Now imagine all these atoms are moving around in perfect harmony.

Now imagine an incredibly complex interlocking web of cosmic forces which bind these atoms together and allow the creation of stars, nuclear fusion, heavy elements, and… in a few rare cases… life.

Now imagine that life evolving for billions of years until it attains sentience, technology, and the capacity to project itself out across the vast gulfs of space between one world and the next.

Now imagine all the richness of culture, economy, and politics that will result as these immensely complex interstellar civilizations encounter one another across the immeasurable void and…

…ah fuck it, just imagine a bunch of spaceships blowing each other up.

Sure enough, as soon as I pledge $200,000 to DERSPACE to have my own custom ASCII ship which is the hugest and has the most shooty things then all goes silent from the developer. Is this just another vaporware? @Gordon_Cameron you have some explaining to do!

Not to worry, Chappers. Your donation was well spent. The cocaine and hookers developer resources we bought with it were first-rate.

As some of you may know, however, we have been distracted with a CRPG project, working title DERPPG. We realize space game fans are a fanatical, dangerous lot and are determined to resume work on DERPSPACE just as soon as the cocaine high wears off demanding schedule of a busy globetrotting game developer permits it.