Did you ever notice how the more annoyed or fearful of something you are, the more often you tend to encounter it? Case in point:
I’m sitting at my computer, checking a few websites, minding my own business. Suddenly I hear a crash from behind my computer desk (my desk sits five feet away from the wall behind it). Now my wall has several shelves loaded with a large amount of precariously placed boxes and other miscellaneous items. So a occasionally some object or another will hurl itself to the floor, nothing unusual there…
Except when I cast a glance at my feet, I realize that this particular crash was caused by the clumsy maneuverings of a four-foot long snake :shock:, which is now moving slowly across the floor… Towards me.
What kind of snake you ask? The biting kind.
So for half an hour I try desperately to herd it into a trashcan, which I then take outside in the pouring rain to release into the woods behind my house.
Last week, I walked out of my cubicle to see a nice snake just sitting in the walkway there. So everyone in the office all gathered around it and looked at it for a bit, trying to figure out what it is. We guessed it was a baby rattlesnake.
We decided to remove it from the office, so we get a stick, and some paper, and well, this snake was not happy. It started doing the rattling of tail (it was a baby, so no rattle), and pulling out the fangs, and biting afore mentioned stick and paper and just being a total bastard of an evil poisonous snake.
So we, on the theory that it wasn’t good to have a poisonous snake roaming around the business park, killed the snake after moving it outside by dropping a heavy object on it. How it got in the office, nooooo one knows.
I hear baby snakes are the most poisonous, or something.
I just get insects now and then, and grasshoppers. And seeing how upset I get just because of those, I think we’re all lucky I can’t get snakes here.
Luckily in Vermont we get toads in the yard, plus the usual assortment of foxes, squirrels, beaver, skunks, chipmunks, deer, moose, and bear. Sometimes a black snake, but few self-respecting reptiles will tolerate Vermont.
Now, when I lived in the Philippines…two families of Asian cobras in the back yard…
The only spiders that scare me are poisonous ones. The others, I marvel as they spin their webs and accidentally fall into the sink while I’m brushing my teeth.
Snakes, on the other hand. A snake could secrete a substance which gets you high and in a good way, but I’d still be fucking scared as hell of it. I don’t trust anything that slithers. Or has fangs. Or can dislocate it’s jaw. That’s the shit nightmares are made of, mes amis.
Snakes kick ass. All you girly men need to stop driving automatic vehicles and sound off like you’ve got a pair. :twisted:
Next time you see a snake just grab the mutherfucker. He’s on your turf, not the other way around (at least in the above examples). So what if he bites you, big fucking deal. Then you break his fucking head. It’ll take an hour for the venom to start up on you if you aren’t getting all worked up and crazy about it.
Then you have a co-worker drive you to the ER at the hospital. This isn’t Afghanistan, they have antivenom on hand. You kept the snakes broke ass so they know what kind you need (and you can skin and eat its dead ass later). And then you have a cool snake story for your co-workers and friends. Have a taxidermist preserve the head and keep it at home like a hunting trophy. Plus it would be bad-ass to have snakebite scars on a hand; you’d be lining up the ladies for DAYS my friend.
Considering the closest I’ve ever come to getting bit by a snake was a Dugite (in Western Australias south)… no thank you… from what I remember those fuckers kill you within 15 minutes. (and when I saw it the nearest hostpital was 30 minutes away).
Rattlesnakes are powerless before the fearsome might of a garden hoe. Rattlesnake + hoe = cool rattle trophy.
The story I was told about baby rattlers was that the shorter fangs were more likely to inject the venom into your subcutaneous veins instead of muscle tissue. Not as much venom, but quicker into your bloodstream.