I don’t know why I feel like this. Whether I’m trying to work on the frop bog, or doing housework, or playing games. I constantly feel like I’m “running out of time”.
Do any of you feel this way too?
I think that’s quite understandable, Jeff. Considering your medical issues. I wish I could help with this.
Apologies, I can only offer a trite response. Your post made me think of James Stockdale and the practice of stoicism. Stockdale was a Vietnamese POW for 7.5 years who survived torture and other horrendous conditions and who wrote a speech (just a short one, 21 pages) about his experience. I have only a passing knowledge of stoicism but sometimes I think of it when my thoughts are similarly discordant.
There is a statue of Stockdale with the following inscription:
“Lameness is an impediment to the leg, but not to the will; and say this to yourself with regard to everything that happens.” - Epictetus, The Enchiridion
Video describing Stockdale:
The 21 page speech:
https://media.hoover.org/sites/default/files/documents/978-0-8179-3692-1_1.pdf
I feel like this constantly. It’s getting worse with age. I feel like there is so much I need to do, especially financially and with my career, but I am 50 and time is running out. I thought about trying to learn some new skills, like programming, but it seems pointless at this age. When I got these two cats a few years ago, it hit me these would be the last pets I ever got, because I don’t know if I could get another pet because I won’t live long enough to take care of them. I think it might be depression.
It doesn’t help when people I grew up watching/listening to are steadily dying now as well. And then two coworkers died last week (cancer and an unknown medical problem), and life seems really short. I am pretty healthy, but have all these factors that say I won’t live long (single, drink, don’t sleep enough, etc), so that makes me think I need to just forget it all, retire early some place early away from everything.
OMG me too. I just find that situation devastating. Every single time I’m like, “No that can’t happen!” And then I can’t get it out of my head that they’re gone, and how wrong and unfair that is.
It’s funny, because when I entered the thread i thought it was going to be a complaint about work/life balance, but instead you list all the nice things you get to do while running out of time (other than housework, ha) that I race against time to find the space for.
With full time employment and kids, even with my commute time no longer in the equation, I struggle to find maybe an hour or two a day for my own things, and some of those require a certain amount of mental gung-ho I can’t muster after the work day, so I put off when I have time, which feels like never. And if my wife saw me write this she’d be laughing, considering her load is even more.
(Not trying to make your observation less valid, but just bringing in my point of reference!)
I’m 52, so there’s definitely less road in front than behind. Aside from the havok brought upon us all by COVID19, I’m finally “in a good place” mentally, financially and (relatively) physically. I have, however, found myself beset by much morbid thought recently. Like, what more is there still to do or accomplish? What more do I really need? I could die soon!
Should I get struck down with a heart attack tomorrow, I’ll go peacefully, knowing that I’ve set my progeny on their paths, and I’ve enjoyed the hell out of the life I was given. I have very few regrets, and while I would certainly appreciate another 25 or 30 years to relish in the fruits of my labour, I really don’t feel like I’m chasing anything anymore.
It’s not about finding time to do stuff for fun. It’s the feeling that no matter what I do, even the fun stuff, I’m racing against an imaginary clock. So I can’t ever seem to enjoy stuff fully because I’m running out of time :(
This is the biggest regret of my life which also means when I go it will feel more final.
Can you not tutn that around? Yes your clock is ticking. So is mine, but I can see how yours ticks louder. Tick. I am doing the dishes. Tock. Look how clean they are. Tick I want to fix the garden. Tock look how nice the flowers bloom. Tick… Tock…
While time is running out, there is yet time. So choose to enjoy the things that are available to you. Don’t let the fact that they are time-limited mar their enjoyment, let it deepen it. For by the fact that the flowers bloom only today is their beauty enhanced and deepened. So it is for life. Find meaning in the here and now, find it in their temporality.
You are not under any obligation to anything to find a certain measure of enjoyment. The only source of that obligation would be you. So choose to set yourself free from that.
That’s beautiful and I will definitely try to make this line of thinking happen.
I’m not sure I’m in a race against time, but I think time is out to get me. Stalking me. Waiting for me to make the wrong move, and then coming up behind me. Mf!
When I get this way usually I feel like it’s my subconscious telling me it’s time for change; something in my life isn’t quite right. I’m not saying it’s that for you, just… I recently went into a 3 day, 4th of July weekend and my brain offers up this thought unbidden: ‘In about 3 days I’ll be thinking about going back to work’. There must be some evolutionary reason for it, some type of evolved autonomous mental construction that protects us on some level. It’s annoying.
Numerous books on ‘now-ness’, so, I suppose it’s a common affect. I don’t believe it’s true that ‘all there is is now’: that past and future are an illusion. The past and future are real, just, out of reach. But current actions can affect the future. How the past is viewed can affect disposition, which in turn affects how decisions are made, which affects the future.
There is also this blurb from Waking Life which hit me between the eyes when I first viewed it as a 21 year old:
Not really, Jeff. Because, when you go, it won’t feel at all. Of course, your religious beliefs may differ here, but I believe in a finality upon death. Also, I deeply apologize if I’m offending in any way with my bluntness (I get in trouble for that a lot). I truly sympathize with your health concerns, and I have immense respect for the grace with which you face the challenges you’ve been given.
I’m a bit more… fatalistic? nihilistic? pragmatic? than most. I got a lot out of reading Mark Manson’s books. The point is to focus on that which really matters to you, because nothing else really matters. Our time on this planet is short indeed. Spend as much of that time doing what you enjoy!
I don’t have a deep philosophical take on this, other than: yes! race against time. Always running late, out of time, this is taking too long, need to do X. Playing a game, doing work. This post. Started watching the clip above because I remember liking the move 20(?) years ago, but it was taking too long, so stopped it at 2:51.
Except for riding a bike, that is the rare activity that I personally feel “this… can take as long as it takes”.
Eternity is a child at play -Heraclitus
I’m mostly just glad that I won’t be around to see the environmental hellscape coming for our kids and grandkids.
How would you read that? Snippet like that is very interpret able.
Anyway, I watched the clip. To me that’s more about madness than philosophy. The animation style fits the narrative of disassociation.
As to the nature of time and reality, I’d side with Kant. Sure perceived reality is an illusion, an image before our senses. But it is caused in such a way that almost all of us perceive the same thing. So there might very well be something outside my senses causing these perceptions that causes yours as well. It stands to reason that it’s not a huge random accident that causes these words to make (some slight) sense to you.
But that’s besides the point. This thread is about mortality and the living of a good life under the shadow of death.
Well Jeff, so far you have been a true hero of me, for the way you defy your mortality by just keeping on keeping on with all the good things, such as the frop bog, the way you support your parents, etc.
Dont fear the reaper man, because when death is here, you are not, and while you are here, death is not (Epicurus). This is glib and easy, but it’s also true.
You can wake up in the morning and think “I might die tomorrow, and I need to get a move on moving these mountains! Oh it’s so much!”. You might also think “I might die tomorrow, but I havent died last night! One more day for me to smell the roses and tend to the garden, lucky me.”
So, to me it’s a punchline in a film that’s really a long series of punchlines; the last shot where the main character floats off into the sky is the final shot in the movie. The pinball playing guy is Richard Linklater, the director.
Waking Life is more or less dealing with philosophy of self, which Kant has a lot to say about, obviously. In this scene RL dives pretty headily into the philosophy of PKD, which very roughly can be described as gnostic-Christian. I am pretty sure the essay he refers to is ‘how to build a universe…’
I read Flow My Tears because of this scene, and some artistic liberties must have been taken because the names and events being the same as in Acts went right past me: I didn’t get this at all (but am glad to be corrected). It’s a very good novel; I really love PKD’s style, and the idea of a drug that makes you famous in an alternate universe is… great. I listened to the first half of Valis on YouTube, and I think that deals much more directly with the concepts discussed in the clip.
I also find it interesting that Yeats was mentioned; according to The Midnight Gospel, Yeats was involved in ceremonial magic aimed at having the ego survive death.
Time is real, but it’s also relative, which is interesting. I also think there’s a lot of insight to be gained by focusing on the here and now, especially during times of stress. This is the root of many great spiritual teachings (Taoism, especially). When I first saw this movie, I was in college and three years into a relationship I knew wasn’t going to work out. I was studying physics at a very, very tough school and a mental illness I’ve grappled with most of my life was beginning to manifest. I remember it as a sort of vague sadness pervading everything (later on, positive symptoms began poking their head out).
This doesn’t have much to do with how I related to the movie rationally, but rather a general feeling at the time. My perspective on it has changed.
I don’t think the goal in life should be to be happy, but rather to have real experiences.
I think this is an interesting snippet, pertinent to the topic at hand. There are multiple ways to unpack it. Who will take a first stab at it?