I rarely get mad and when I do it is usually over some trivial thing that I probably had no control over anyway. I actually can’t remember the last time I got mad at either of my kids, although I will confess to having had a conversation with the wife lately that I was not proud of. Business frustrations cannot be soothed by the wife saying everything will be “okay”.
I see people get mad here at QT3. In the past I have been baited into it but I think I have gone beyond that now. (No need to test that.)
Everyone gets mad; the question is what do you do about it. Generally I can control myself. Usually it’s at some kind of colossal systemic stupidity, sometimes bureaucratic, sometimes the result of some particularly imbecilic executive decision.
Edit: Oh yeah, from one of the novels I have in progress.
For me, anger used to be my biggest problem. Well, technically I guess you could say it was the most noticeable aspect of my anxiety disorder. (That and depression.)
I’m happy to say I’m much better and ‘in control’ of these moods these days. The best way I can describe it is that I never used to have the ability to ‘let it go’ as others describe it. Anger would consume me and I could not relax or step back in any meaningful way.
This is not to say that I do not get mad any more, but that I can control or moderate it as the situation demands or frankly as I desire. The way I used to behave I am sure there are people who would tell you I was a huge asshole… “What’s wrong with that guy? He needs to learn to relax and just chill out.” Really I was out of control and needed help. Now I am much slower to real anger and I can examine my own feelings much more thoroughly and do the things like ‘let it go’ and ‘laugh it off’ like other people always could. In fact, it’s still sort of a game for me when something catches me off my guard and my anger starts to rise but instead I think “Hey, this is one of those things that used to really piss me off; but now I don’t go there”. Mentally I score a point for ‘new me’.
I tend to get utterly infuriated ALL THE DAMN TIME by politics, religion, and the debates that surround the two, given that I’m an absolutist nutjob in both arenas. It’s extraordinarily hard for me to have any respect whatsoever for people who hold any one of several moderately popular opinions or beliefs and even harder for me to fake having it. As such, in real life, I avoid these topics like the plague; I even tend to scare off people who actually agree with me.
Aside from that, I also set myself up for disappointment a lot (hoping beyond hope for some awesome but totally-not-guaranteed thing) and develop a deep simmering resentment toward reality when things don’t pan out. Given how many things in my life have suddenly and irreversibly gone wrong out of nowhere through no one’s fault but random chance, I’ve been feeling a lot of said resentment lately.
It’s unfortunate. I remember being a really light-hearted guy once who laughed off all this shit and treated life like a carefree game.
Then again, I was still a kid living on my parents’ time at the time, so go figure :(
Every single human interaction while driving. Cars, pedestrians, workers, whatever. Am I the only person in the fucking world that actually wants to get where he’s going?
People who can’t figure out how intersections work as pedestrians.
I get mad at stupid stuff, which just ends up making me mad at myself for letting things get to me. Even worse is how little patience I have with my 8 month old son sometimes. The other day my wife had to work late, so I picked up my son and hung with him about 2 hours, which is usually cool. But he isn’t feeling too well right now, has a head cold with a nasty cough and teething which makes his sleep just crap. He didn’t nap well that day at daycare either, so when I got him home he didn’t want to eat or sleep or play, just be held. Not only that, but keep him in motion, so I paced with him for two hours. If I wanted to do anything, and I mean anything like go to the bathroom, I had to set him down and listen to him scream until I was done. By the time my wife was done I was fried and pissed and didn’t even want to look at him. Which is stupid, he’s a baby, there’s no reason to get mad, which just makes me pissed at myself, and on it goes.
I should point out most days are good, but I am not good at handling the bad days, which is kind of the point of parenting right?
In truth I’m just an anti-control-freak. I hate being forced to move to someone else’s drum in any circumstance, which means all traffic, walking, talking, working situations drive me a bit up the wall.
Cool as a cucumber me. Even under fire. I put it down to my years of martial arts and meditation training, and being a fan of Yoda more than Darth Vader.
Expressing anger is actually a good thing. Studies have shown it can increase your lifespan and is probably good for your relationships as well. Essentially the theory goes that letting anger out in a controlled fashion can not only reduce stress and tension, but can also help you to be more forceful and honest in the tough conversations that often come with relationships, and while that may sting a little in the short term, the long term benefits to open and honest communication are well known.
Rage probably isn’t the best option, but if you can find simple ways to let your anger out in a controlled environment it’s pretty healthy. True confession : I have a nice little 30 minute drive to and from work each day, and often I will find myself railing against whatever has angered me that morning or throughout the day while I’m driving. It’s less road rage and more a conversation with myself where I work out the details of what has me pissed off and what I should do about it. 10 years ago people probably would have thought I was crazy driving around talking to myself, but with the advent of bluetooth hand-free cell tech now it just looks like I’m having a heated conversation on the phone. =) I find I’m often more relaxed when I finally get home, or at the very least I’ve spent time thinking through the issue and have a better idea of how to handle it.
Talking to yourself : the most intelligent conversation you’re likely to have all day! ;-)
Telco had a mess of DS3s down in Atlanta causing half our company (an answering service) to be out. My boss is hopping mad, calling phone numbers and screaming at people, demanding fixes. I’m calm because, well, there is nothing I can do and I feel that yelling at people usually just makes them angry, especially when there is nothing they can do either. Shit is broke, people are working on it and they claim to be doing their best. I’ll wait to be angry when the problem is resolved and they don’t give us credits for the down time.
On the other hand, I put out code and missed a fucking semi-colon which causes the stupid piece of shit to not run and it gives some lame ass dipshit generic error and it takes me a whole fucking hour to find the cocksucking missing god damned missing semi-colon… I’m punching-the-wall mad. My boss just waives that off.
