Doctor Who, the big budget verision

“So yeah… I’m the Doctor, all right? Silly ears, frock coat, quite dashing. Didn’t always used to be this stylish, though. Had a lot of rather embarrassing incarnations. Oh, incarnations, right. I’m a Time Lord, see. From Gallifrey…cester…shire. Gallifreycestershire-on-Cheem. First Doctor, stuffy old chap. Second Doctor, played a little recorder. Third Doctor, did kung fu! Fourth Doctor, had a scarf. Fifth Doctor, made entirely out of jam…”

Colin Firth as the Doctor and Gemma Arterton as his companion.

Damian Lewis as the Doctor. “At long last, I AM GINGER.”
Morena Baccarin as the “companion”

Hayley Atwell as the Doctor.
Christina Hendricks as the companion

I smell Oscar.

The sound you hear is the sound of one hand fapping.

Alan Rickman as the Doctor who gives cold looks at all the subhuman intellects he has to deal with along the way.

Dame Maggie Smith as the Doctor, Daniel Craig (or Daniel Radcliffe) as her Companion.

Peter Capaldi as the angry swearing Doctor “You’re going to be so so $%$%^ sorry”

Since it’s a big budget movie they can probably ignore some of the sillier parts of canon. So they should cast Halle Berry as the Doctor, except in this version she’s an ordinary person, a podiatrist, who never seems to be on time and then one day she gets run over by a bus and she is possessed by the spirits of time, making her The Time Lord. The bus that hit her becomes infused with the energy of the Time Gods so she uses it as her time machine, which she jokingly names TARDY since she’ll never be late again. Her companion is a lovable and goofy loser who just can’t seem to get his life off the ground played by Matthew McConaughey. He’s also running late for his bus but the TARDY pulls up and he jumps on without realizing it’s not his bus. Together the two of them must foil the Master of Anti-Time, an ancient power that seeks to end all time on December 21, 2012. There’s a scene where Doctor Time Lord explains to Matthew McConaughey that the Mayans worshipped the Master as a god, which is why they ended their calendars when they did. They knew! After a series of crazy adventures through time, trying to thwart the Cult of Gallifrey, an Illuminati-esque group that descends from the ancient Mayans and Egyptians and has controlled the path of all human civilizations since man was first touched by the evil of the Master, they finally come face to face with the Master himself, whose corrupt spirit has possessed the body of the Doctor’s ex-boyfriend (who dumped her at the start of the movie) played by Patrick Dempsey, who really gets to work his acting chops and tear up some scenery as he starts to absorb all time into himself as the clock approaches midnight, ending not just the world or the universe, but all of creation so they he can remake it as unto a God. In the end it is only love, friendship and a little luck that can see our heroes through to make sure there’s a December 22nd. And maybe, just before the credits, a kiss?

My other idea is that Matt Damon plays both the Doctor and his companion and they’re brothers, one of which was raised by farmers and the other of which was raised by Time Lords. It’s kind of an Odd Couple meets Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure meets Patty Duke.

If they are going to go black, I think Idris Elba should play the Doctor. I’d suggest Ruth Wilson as the companion, but then it might seem just a touch too much like Luther.

I LOL’d.

Gordon Ramsey as The Master.


I <3 this.

No, no, no…they will need to Americanize this for mass appeal to make any money at all.

Bradley Cooper as The Doctor (a cool hipster version)
Mila Kunis as “Jewel”, the companion
Gary Oldman as “The Master”
Bruce Willis as General Leo Stewart
Andy Serkis as Cybermen, Dalek, K-9

Directed by J.J. Abrams
Produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Spielburg

Instant Classic.

Musical score by Hans Zimmer.

You missed: Written by George Lucas.

Gary Oldham isn’t American.

That’s ok, he’s playing an evil guy, and all British people in Hollywood movies are evil. T