So Saturday night was Mrs. Ace’s 24th birthday party. Around 11pm a friend comes in followed by an older (40+ vs. our 25-35 crowd) guy with no shoes and a cell phone.
This guy is drunk and overbearing, but he seems to want to be neighborly - apparently he lives two doors down. We’ve lived in this house for a year as renters, and we just bought it outrigt two weeks ago. We humor him for a while, but eventually he gets belligerent and tells us how lI’m a lazy asshole for allowing algae to build up on the aquarium wall and not trimming my lawn/hedges regularly. He offers to mow my lawn for me, I decline. He says he’ll have to spank me (he mentions every 5 minutes that he’s so gay, as if that had any bearing on anything) if I don’t keep the lawn neat. He also thinks my job is meaningless because I neither directly craft nor sell a product.
I was nice for the first 20 minutes or so but after he started calling me names and rambling about the yard I stared him down and he walked out. At this point I realized that I didn’t want my alcoholic neighbor holding a grudge against me or my property. With that in mind, I follow him on to the porch and sit and talk with him for another 20 minutes or so, explaining that this is my first house, I’m not an experienced (or affluent) groundskeeper, and that I’m doing the best I can. We were only able to afford a hedge trimmer two weeks ago, and we’ve used it once already. I just mowed the lawn a few days ago. This is when he starts laying on about how useless my job is because I’m not a primary producer. He’s an HR manager, but he doesn’t want to listen to my idea that both of our jobs are support roles for large organizations.
Apparently he has been there for 9 years and lives with his husband. His mom just moved in last week, and they’re thinking about moving to a bigger place. I’m guessing he’s worried that the neighbors’ lawns are going to drive his property value down. Mine’s not the best kept in the neighborhood, but it isn’t an eyesore either. His is extravagantly detailed, far moreso than anyone else on the street.
So eventually I excuse myself, he stumbles down the sidewalk and leaves his beer can in my yard.
Now - I’ve seen this guy once before when I was drinking on the couch and he appeared at my carport door drinking and talking on his cell phone. He seemed lost, and excused himself and wandered off. That’s two meetings in one year, and we’d both been drinking. He’s apparently a belligerent asshole, and everyone else there was surprised I didn’t punch him. They’re all artists though, and perhaps more prone to show emotion than a programmer like myself.
I looked at my yard today. The vine on the front porch is a little unruly. The hedges are trimmed but still a bit overgrown. I don’t feel like touching the yard for a few weeks just out of spite. I’m hoping he doesn’t wander into my yard again, but now that we’ve made introductions perhaps he thinks we’re friends. I think if I see him again I’ll make an on-the-spot decision to either politely chat with him on the porch or order him off of my property.
Any advice from longtime homeowners?