E3: Gossip, rumors, and muck raking

I am in need of two gonzo journalists for E3. Must have own show pass and the ability to gossip like a housewife. Pay negotiable. Photography, video, or audio recording ability an immense plus. Serious inquiries only with potential for future work upon successful completion of show coverage. Must have own helmet.

I don’t even wanna know what the helmet is for…

I’d actually rather know what there is to be gonzo about at E3.

Also, you missed an important point: “Bring your own ether.”

As your lawyer I advise you to bring two vials of crystallized LSD-15, a half pound of psylocybin enhanced fungi, a pair of rubber gloves, a hamster named Boo, a laptop filled with jawjacker porn, and then hoover up your nostril a pinch from the snuffbox of salvinorin-A.

Let’s get down to brass tacks. How much for the ape?


Oh, man. Why couldn’t you have advertised for this a month ago.

Is the WOOOOOOOOOOOO! guy gonna be at E3 again?

Tranquility: You mean the personification of the American Dream?

There was no point in fighting – on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark – the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back.

Strangely descriptive of the games industry?

LSD-25 would probably work way better. Just sayin.

I don’t know what you’re going to do but I like it a lot so far.

This job is only for those who have true grit.

I don’t know where you magic pixies came from, but I like your pixie drink!

LSD, DMSO, and a Super Soaker.

Forget the goddamn ape. You don’t need it.

Does sand in your bathing suit count?

You people voted for Hubert Humphrey! And you killed Jesus!


If you’re going to do this true gonzo style, you wont even be at E3, instead it will be a tour of the strip clubs/hostess bars in the Downtown LA area.

I will fall on that sword.

Well, Hunter did actually attend the Mint 400. For one day.

Don’t forget the fucking golf shoes, or we’ll drown in this muck.