Equal Time for Cryptofascists! (The Republican Candidate Poll)

For those 3 people voting Republican (or who would if they got a sanity attack at some point, like me) on this board.

A glance at Tommy Thompson’s Wikipedia entry shows plenty of joke fodder.

I don’t know most of these guys yet. I guess I would lean toward Rudy. Yeah, he was a tin pot dictator, but he was from New York, which goes some way toward redeeming a Republican in my eyes. It just implies a certain level of worldliness and social tolerance that, bicoastal bigot that I am, comforts me. That comment about “going on offense” in the war on terror always annoyed me though.

There are probably candidates on that list who would make better presidents, but I don’t know enough about them yet.


…or maybe…

The poll options made me laugh. I’m registered Republican, but I’ll probably just write-in Batman again.

Where’s Jeb Bush?

Those are some pretty bitchin’ poll options, although the real reason to vote for Huckabee is because HE LOST LIKE FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS.

Heh. Actually, I picked “Romney,” but I was tempted just because I love this image.

You forgot James Gilmore, former Governor of VA!

I want to vote for that really slutty looking brunette in the “U4Prez” banner ad. I think she’s a Republican.

To all the “You forgot” folks, you can only have 10 options in a poll.

Sad when Romney is the best-looking choice…

Fred Thompson ran an aircraft carrier. HE’S THE ONLY LOGICAL CHOICE.

EDIT: Fucking shit, tied for second? Nice.


I vote Rudy, if just for the entertainment value of having a (as Wonkette puts it) twice-divorced opera-loving gay-roommate-having pro-abortion Manhattan dandy who like to perform show tunes in ladies’ underwear as the face of the Republican party.

I mean, can you imagine the fun attack ads that’ll run in the South based on this picture alone?

Because like any LP candidate, he has approximately zero chance of actual serious electoral support. But feel free to scream and curse some more, you’ll make me nostalgic for LP meetings!

Plus, he does a great Count Orlock impression.

(Sadly, the embeds seem to refuse to link directly.)

Once you eliminate the insane, the stupid, the fascists, and the empty suits, you’re pretty much left with Mike Huckabee. He wouldn’t be too bad.

I voted the shit bonerz option, but not because I’m a party loyalist. I’m settling for the Democrats as it is, but the truth of the matter is that in a lot of ways even the Dems are too conservative for me.


Ron Paul is an interesting dude (hello Patriot Act), but the republican party needs to be punished, and they should all be tainted by Rove.

No republican votes for me next time.