EuroEnglish

got this email a while back, thought it really funny :o


The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been
reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As
part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year
phased
plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Uring for short).

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c.”
Sertainly,
sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will
be
replaced with “k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but
typewriters
kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when
the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like
“fotograf” 20 per sent shorter! .

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of
silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing
“th”
by “z” and “w” by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords
kontaining
“ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of
leters.

And efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in
ze
forst plas…

Damn, that’s pretty funny. There’s no such thing as a European Union!