One day at a time, lads. One day at a time.
Tell yourself that tomorrow you might try one, but today you just can’t. Hell. This hour you just can’t.
The Bird Flu - you’re out of the chute, riding the bull. Not home free yet, by any means (in fact for the next few weeks it will still be very hard, I think, though it varies surely by individual). But, you are on the bull! Keep it up and thank you for sharing your success with us. It helps others who can see you dealing with the most difficult issue (so far in your life, as you said) and making the right decision (not smoking, one cigarette at a time).
Buceph, one of the things we are prone to is really getting down on ourselves when we experience failure, so, it’s definitely cool that you are giving this another go. What you said about having difficulty getting past the “I will never be able to have another cigarette again” reminded me of something I have seen (and experienced a little) myself, though more along the lines of people giving up drinking and drugging.
The younger you do this, the more this thought can be prevalent. People end up thinking, gee, I’ll never be able to party again, with friends, for the rest of my life? Or they see it as the sole source of fun, reward, release in their lives and can’t imagine life without said substance. Or, think how is that even possible, I’m young now, are you telling me I will have to sustain this very difficult behavior and deny what gives me pleasure for decades and decades of my life?
This is a lot of complicated thinking that probably needs to be dissected. In many ways, it’s distorted thinking, and a way to rationalize continuing the behavior (whether it’s smoking, drinking or drugging), and the decision can quickly follow to resume the habitual behavior. Some of the ways to dissect it are:
The party thing - well, yeah, I party a lot with “friends” (or smoke in a lot of situations, like, being in a bar or having knocked back a couple drinks), but, over time I will have new (sober?) friends who truly are friends who care about my mental, physical and spiritual health instead of continually reinforcing a destructive behavior of mine (or, for smokers, you would make a conscious decision not to be in those situations as often, or at all, so as not to trigger smoking).
The not have fun thing (or not be able to reward yourself like you did habitually every time you were lighting up on waking up, finishing a meal, relaxing, whatever) - I think if we can stop and think this through, we get better at realizing the nature of our “use” and “reward” is anything but that. For me, with drinking, I used up the possibility of good outcomes long ago. If I drink, bad things are going to happen. The same applies to anyone who smokes, they can tell you all they want about how good and relaxed it makes them feel (we see you Pogo) but it’s a load of crap if you stop and think about it when you think about the negative consequences that come along with it. It may help to do something some sober people do regularly - “play the tape through”. Think, well, yes, I would like to smoke now and it would (make me feel better, taste good and satisfying, whatever). But the longer term consequences aren’t something I want to deal with right now and include _______ (smelling like an ashtray and being repulsive to people I care about, ruining my health down the road, costing me a bundle, etc.).
The “How can I possibly sustain this for decades and decades”? phenomenon - don’t get me wrong, this is a valid thought that happens to people but you are doing it wrong and need to find a way through this thinking because in the face of it, many immediately give up. It will probably differ how you get through it. Here are some ideas. One, I have the benefit myself of having quit for about 25 years (smoking) and a pretty significant # of years of not drinking and drugging. I am also around people who are sober and have been so for, in many cases, decades of their own lives. So I see it is possible for others and I know it continues to be possible for me. By being on this thread, you see there are a lot of people who have quit smoking for a long, long time, to the point where it is definitely not a daily struggle and where the thought rarely (in some cases) or NEVER (in almost all cases) passes through our heads that we would resume smoking. Two, don’t think about it like that (i.e. the decades thought), you don’t need to. It’s more about what you are doing right this minute, or this hour, or this day. You don’t have to worry about what you are doing the rest of your life, it’s far too much projecting yourself into the future when you don’t know diddly about what is going to happen tomorrow. You’re not some god with knowledge of the future. Care more about what is happening in your life now. Think, well, yes, I may not be able to sustain not smoking for the rest of my life, for decades, but right now, you know, I believe I can not smoke at this time. Successfully turning off the throught of smoking over and over will allow that behavior to become habitual and instinctive (and subconscious) instead of the addictive behavior.
I’ll close this out (chatty Kathy that I am) with a story about how it clicked for me so I no longer am consumed by worrying about not being able to drink the rest of my life. I was told by my sponsor that this story is in one of the autobiographies about Bill Wilson. I have also been told that it may or not be true (i.e. an anecdote) by other people who know more about the history of AA myself. I don’t care whether it is true or not because it has some truisms within it that made a big difference in my understanding of the power booze has over me and who I am and will remain. Supposedly, on his deathbed, in a coma, Bill comes out of it and asks the people gathered around to go out and get him shots of whiskey. Whether it is true or not, it helped me to see that even if I don’t drink again the rest of my life, I will remain susceptible to alcohol in a way others are not, until the day I die like Bill did. That thought is immensely freeing somehow, it means I am faced with my condition every minute, every day. I don’t have to worry about it for the long haul, I really need to deal with it as a part of my life, every day, and I have been successful at that for a pretty long time at this point and that’s my intent at this moment.
Anyway, I hope some of these thoughts are helpful to anybody who is struggling, and in particular to TBF and Buceph. I have to tell you it is one of the most awesome experiences ever to see others man (or woman) up and fight the good fight and change their lives in a positive way. For those of us who did so as well, though long ago, it keeps it fresh for us and we owe a duty to try to help others too.
Hey Matthew - good thoughts going your way. How’s it hanging? You’re about at the 3-4 day period, where you get to cross over the barrier.
Cheers Nixxter. Sorry to let you down, but I bought a pack last night. I’m not going to give up trying though, just going to wait until during the week when my family aren’t around and there aren’t arguments to be had.
It doesn’t seem that daunting because I didn’t smoke for two full days. And I figure at the least I can manage that again.
Keep plugging away! I quit a dozen times before the final time, and it was dead easy when I did it. You’ll get you mind right and throw 'em away for good soon. Tip: you really should find something you can do that will occupy your attention and calm you down to replace the cigs, I did yoyo tricks while I was quitting.
H.
In the words of Bill Hicks:
There are certain drawbacks. People’ll say the stupidest things sometimes too, “Hey, man, if you quit smoking you get your sense of smell back.” I live in New York City, I got news for you - I don’t want my fucking sense of smell back. (Sniffs) Is that urine? (Sniffs) I think I smell a dead guy! Honey, look, a dead guy! Covered in urine, check this out! Someone just pee’d on this guy, that’s fresh. Just think, if I’d been smoking I never would have found him! A urine-covered dead fella, what’re the odds? Thank God I quit smoking, now I can enjoy the wonders of New York, honey, look!
Granted, timing is everything. Don’t give up on the idea of a smokeless you!
+1
Keep plugging away, you’ll figure out the formula you need. I agree with Houngan - for those first 3 days, have a big project or many little projects laid out ahead of time and go for a lot of long walks.
This thread is great. I really mean it, it has helped a lot. Thank you!
I’m still doing great, no smokes in 2 weeks and 4 days or something like that now. Dealing with the cravings has become much easier. I still have them regularly but they don’t last very long and I’m good at ignoring them at this point. Deep breaths and a quick distraction do the trick most of the time.
I want to chime in and and agree with Houngan and Tman, a big project for the first 3-4 days is key. I prepared, primed, and painted a bunch of genestealers during the first 3 days. Granted, a few ended up in pieces after I threw them at the wall but who cares! It really helped as it kept my mind and hands both busy. I chewed on straws and ate jolly ranchers until my jaw hurt the whole time too.
Everyday now I look forward to coming home from work and sliding $7 in a little white envelope.
I found chewing on gum, or an empty pen tube (no ink, bad news there) works pretty well when I am bored. Good for my fingernails too.
Reading this thread was a total inspiration for me and I’m going to make my second attempt at quitting as soon as this pack is empty. I tried Chantix way back when and it made me a little crazy so no go on that this time. I think cold turkey is the answer. Also, last time derived from ex girlfriend pressure which probably had a lot to do with my failure. I read Carr’s book and found it lacking because it’s mostly mind games with very little concrete strategy. Too much cheerleading for my tastes. Anyway, this pack is almost done and I’m pumped and motivated to kick the habit. Wish me luck. Thanks for all the inspirational posts. It helps.
FWIW, I kept an open pack around while I was quitting, it reduced my anxiety knowing it was there. That may just be my brain, though.
H.
I slapped on a patch this morning after going on a bender with an entire pack yesterday. It itches like a motherfucker, and I am still getting cravings because I want to burn something in my mouth.
Buying them was an absolute trial. I went down the block to the CVS and the girl behind the counter had no idea what I wanted. Neither did I, but that didn’t mean I was allowed to step back there and actually look at the product I was trying to buy. Eventually she hands me a CVS brand box of something or other and I pay, then rush off to the train so’s I can go home to the family. Only later do I look at the box and find out that it’s a MAXIMUM POWER pack of the things, which doesn’t really apply to my slightly-over-ten-a-day habit. Whoops. So that was the fastest relapse ever, and I gave up for a couple of weeks before buying a new set of the things and getting started.
Also they are tarded expensive. I was shocked by the price – you’d think the outrageous amount of tax I pay on smokes in this city would be put toward making it cheaper for me to quit. As far as I can tell, it’s mostly used for paying the ten white dudes (in spotless khakis, button up shirts and never-been-used neon working jackets) who stand around watching the one Mexican dude (dirty jeans, sweaty t, work jacket that looks like it was mauled by tigers who then tag teamed in Macho Man to finish the job) fix the power line running over the Williamsburg Bridge.
But that could be because I’m irritable right now.
I had the same reaction to the patch.
Have you tried the gum? It has a wierd taste at first but there are different flavors and even coated ones so you might find one that you don’t mind. I buy them 170 to a box at Walgreens (buy the house brand)and they cost less than a carton of smokes. I chew them long after the nicotine is gone because I’m like you, I needed something in my mouth besides a smoke.
I quit by visualizing: my lungs filled with tumors, or a doctor telling me I had cancer, or having a stroke at 50 and forgetting how to speak and walk, etc etc. Eventually fear overwhelmed the cravings.
Am I supposed to not want to smoke? Because even with this damn patch all I want is a smoke.
I stood up to grab some food during my lunch break and instinctively went for my pocket for the cigs. What the hell! I’m pumped full of fucking nicotine!
Yeah ok. I don’t want to be old, death would be a relief at fifty. Those people smell funny, they do lame shit and goddamn it they are just waiting to die.
Think how awesome Wii bowling will be by the time you’re 80!
And think about it this way, if you do live to 80 you can start smoking again. Because at the point you just tell people you don’t give a fuck, and they have to put up with it.
But I tell them that nooooow.
Also if I’m 80 and playing Wii Bowling, I will be pissed. I intend to sell a kidney for a jetpack at forty – not like I’ll need it at that age --and rocket off into wherever.
You’ve got fifteen years science. Fifteen years to make my explosive filled kidney related dream a reality.
I just use the idea that I have to stay alive long enough for my brain to be implanted into a robot body.
The desire for a smoke never seems to go fully away…like I said before, it has been 14 years for me and I still feel the tug every once in a while. It gets less but it never goes away- fortunately now I can just ignore it.
AND I tossed my patch after 2 days and said fuck it- I am going to quit, I actually WANT to quit…and I did. Wanting to quit is really the most important thing.
Hang in there.