4221

Oops, I felonied

4222

lol. “I only broke all those laws because I’m such a nice guy!”

4223

Perhaps his only crime was caring too much.

4224

You know what, maybe we don’t need a Secret Service if this is how they deal with shit.

4225

We need more sources; this can’t be real… right?

4226

Like this is why you sandbox things. You have a computer that is isolated from the network and has no information in it when installing random usb sticks.

Like if this is your only solution, go to the local freaking Best Buy, get some cheapo laptop off the shelf, and test it there. That’s a damn sight better than… that

4227

People make this mistake all the time with thumbdrives.

4228

Oh certainly. I’m never surprised when Janice from accounting does it, I am surprised that the freaking Secret Service, with access to classified information, would.

4229

When the next administration takes over, someone’s gonna need to go over the entire White House like Harry Caul before they can start working from there, what with all the bugs and trojans that must be infesting the place.

4230

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4231

Not just that, but a thumb drive from someone detained because you think they’re a spy.

4232

This is like, the example they give you in basic security training of an obviously dumb thing to do, and everyone is like, “obviously i wouldn’t do that.”

4233

Relax guys. I’m sure he does this every single day. This time he just saw a loading bar.

4234

He does appear to be draining the swamp.

Of course, they are his nominees, but still…

4235

Are we sure that we are not just hearing about running the thumb drive on a sandboxed, unconnected computer? Please. Please.

4236

That was my first assumption. There must be a procedure for how to handle thumb-drives taken from suspected foreign agents.

4237

I would assume that procedure is:

  1. Throw it in a secure shredder.

Absent that, if you want to investigate it, it seems like the NSA would be the proper team to plug it in.

4238

Isolated throwaway computer is not unheard of

4239
  1. See if there’s any porn on it
  2. Is that a little window that popped up?
  3. “Hey, Ralph, what did you say about this little thumb drive again?”
  4. Try to hide the little window from Ralph.
  5. Shit, Ralph’s mad.
  6. Pretend it’s vacation photos of your family.
  7. Fuck, Ralph is yelling at me.
  8. Close the laptop lid.
  9. What do you mean that doesn’t turn off the computer!!??!
  10. Throw the laptop across the room.
  11. Let Ralph handle it from here.
  12. Get a beer.
  13. MAGA for life!
4240

I’m sure the NSA has a whole test environment for this sort of thing. The Secret Service? No idea.