We’ve talked about this on the podcast before, but some movies should be over much sooner than they are. For instance, Fall is coming to theaters next month on the strength of its concept (?) and presumably Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s appearance as a villain at some point? Maybe he does the voice for gravity or something?
But the conclusion of this movie looks pretty straightforward. I’d say the title is a spoiler, but the trailer kind of gives that part away. Anyway, it promises to be a short movie. In fact, I’d say the trailer is a short movie:
I do love watching studios cast about for these dumb “supposedly relatable people get themselves in quite a pickle!” movies. I think these started with Open Water, right? 47 Meters Down where the rope on the shark cage breaks and its sequel, the couple snowed in the car on the side of the road, the one where the sisters get closed up in the swimming pool over the holiday weekend, the three friends trapped on a ski lift over a different holiday weekend, the friends who forgot to lower the boat ladder when they jumped in the sea for a swim, that sort of thing.
At least in those movies, the characters have time to hash out their backstories and complicated relationships. But how much can you accomplish falling off a tower? I think it’s a safe assumption this movie is gonna have a long dialogue-crammed climb up a radio tower followed by about ten minutes of someone hanging on a rope while Jeffrey Dean Morgan chews the scenery about something something plot point. I think it’s also a safe assumption it will be profitable for Lionsgate.
Leonardo DiCaprio
Your social class is stuffy. Let’s dance with the ship’s rats and have fun. Kate Winslet
You have captured my heart. Let’s run around the ship and giggle. (The ship SINKS.)Leonardo DiCaprio
Never let go. Kate Winslet
I promise. (lets go)
Hmm, now you’ve got me thinking. Would Men have been more insufferable or less insufferable if it had the same title as this “ladies on a radio tower” movie?
What could she be planning that involves going all the way to the top of this apparently abandoned radio tower? What could be worth anything up there? And why would you climb one of these things wearing a flapping, flowery blouse? I’ll bet that last bit gets to be part of some testy dialogue!
We’ve all watched the YouTube videos of the guys GoPro’ing their climb up those towers, but they have to in order to change the damn lightbulb at the top or something like that. But that shit is straight “Nope, nope, nope” from 99.9% people watching it and wondering if they could ever do the same.
What I’m trying to say is they should just film that shit in IMAX and charge you to watch it, because it’s bare-knuckle terrifying. Why? Because it’s real.
Meanwhile, that shit CGI in Fall is anything but real, and it really does not raise any emotion in me, despite all their attempts at making it seem terrifying.
I’ll bet the conclusion is not as straightforward as you think, Tom! She probably falls and gets caught and injured in some lower part of the tower and her friend or sister or whoever has to try and get her down.
Oh jeez, this is even dumber than I thought. From IGN:
Here’s how Lionsgate describes Fall: “For best friends Becky (Grace Caroline Currey) and Hunter (Virginia Gardner), life is all about conquering fears and pushing limits. But after they climb 2,000 feet to the top of a remote, abandoned radio tower, they find themselves stranded with no way down. Now Becky and Hunter’s expert climbing skills will be put to the ultimate test as they desperately fight to survive the elements, a lack of supplies, and vertigo-inducing heights.”
Being 2,000 feet tall would make it the tallest structure in the US. Abandoned! I also don’t see any hint of guy wires, without which a mast that tall would not…be. Here’s the poster, which is marked by a distinct absence of flapping, flowery blouses:
Oh man, I’ve had nightmares like that poster, where for whatever reason I’m on a really high perch and there’s no way down. I don’t think I want to see this movie. Here’s my version:
SCENE: guy walks by, sees a really tall pole with a ladder going up it.
ME: looks up, regards for a moment - ‘Nope.’ Walks on.
END SCENE
