Favorite Lines from "Tombstone"

All the Val Kilmer/Tombstone discussion on here and Everything Else made me create this topic.

  • It seems poker’s just not your game, Ike. I know: let’s have a spelling contest! (Doc Holliday)

  • You die first, get it? Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me? (Wyatt Earp)


“Wyatt, ah am rolllling.”

Easily the best line in the whole movie is Doc Holliday: “I don’t.”

But “I’m your huckleberry,” “Ah have two guns heah, one for the each of you,” and “You know, Frederic fucking Chopin?” are also great.

I concur with Rywill:

Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Why do you do it?
Doc Holliday: Wyatt is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: I don’t.

More fun ones:

Doc Holliday: You must be Ringo. [to Big Nose Kate] Look, darlin’, it’s Johnny Ringo. Deadliest pistolier since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darlin’, should I hate him?


Doc: That’s Latin, darlin’! It appears Mr. Ringo is an educated man. Now I really hate him!

[Wyatt Earp has just found out that the devil in a play was performed by a woman] Wyatt Earp: Well, I’ll be damned.
Doc Holliday: You may indeed, if you get lucky.

Yeah “I don’t” is the best line in the movie.

“I calcuate not” is pretty damn good as well.

So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming. You tell 'em I’m coming! And Hell’s coming with me you hear! Hell’s coming with me!

is really good, but not up to “I don’t”

Wyatt Earp: I did my duty, now I’d like to get on with my life. I’m going to Tombstone.
Crawley Dake: Ah, I see. To strike it rich. Well, all right, that’s fine. Tell you one thing, though… I never saw a rich man who didn’t wind up with a guilty conscience.
Wyatt Earp: already got a guilty conscience. Might as well have the money, too. Good day, now.

“Watch your mouth kid, or you’re gonna find yourself floating home.”

I thought “I wasn’t” was pretty badass. Not as poignant as “I don’t” though.

In vino veritas.

Not me. I’m in my prime.
Yeah, you look it.

No love for this? I try to use it from time to time:

It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Why, it’s the drunk piano player. You’re so drunk, you can’t hit nothing. In fact, you’re probably seeing double.
I have two guns, one for each of you.

The whole exchange with Billy-Bob Thorton, highlighted by:

You gonna do somethin’? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?

Shit. Sorry guys, I didn’t know this thread was here when I posted in that other thread.

Another Doc Holliday bad-ass quote was when he was talking to Billy Bob:

“Oh I’m sorry Johnny, I forgot you were there. You may go now.”
“Thank you…”

Inspired by this thread, I just saw this for the first time.

Holy shit. Is it really true that Kilmer didn’t get nominated? If so that’s a disgrace.

Any word on whether the Costner Earp movie is any good? I hear not. I wonder which one is more historically accurate?

It’s not good.

Ike: “What’s his problem?” (indicates coughing-spasm Doc Holliday)

Barkeep: “Lunger.”

Ike: “Good I hope you die!”

Whitta, I’d like to give you a shift6-does-Bill-Dungsroman-does-Letterman style top ten list of more enjoyable things to do instead of watching Kevin Costner’s Wyatt Earp. And don’t get me wrong, I like most of Costner’s other movies including Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and The Postman.

  1. Claw out your own eyes.
  2. Place a block between your feet and have someone smash your ankles in with a sledgehammer.
  3. Give yourself a Foley catheter.
  4. Attack a porcupine family while nude.
  5. Take a nice dry one up the rear.
  6. Pour gasoline over yourself and light on fire.
  7. Write Ewe Boll’s next movie.
  8. Go find a fresh pile of dog poop on the lawn and mash your face into it.
  9. Place your ten fingers into a motorcycle drive chain and rev.
  10. Start a pro-Bush thread in the P&R forum.

You liked The Postman? See number 5 on your list.