First date smoochin'

[Lunch_of_Kong]

El Guapo, do you have herpes yet?

[Kunikos]

El Guapo, do you have herpes yet?

A better question is whether his Valtrex is working.

[Moore]

I’ve discovered I find it more humorous if we refer to it as The Herpes. So I’ll be editing my post.

[ElGuapo]

Not yet. Cross fingers!

After I “dated” her it got me to thinking. I used to be waaaaaay more promiscuious back then. So I went in and got the full battery of tests. I even got the chlamidia one. Not for the squeamish. The doctor actually recommended I not get the test because she said I’d know if I had it and it was uncomfortable. I told her I wanted to be sure anyway.

Any thoughts of this relatively cute, young female doctor touching my pee pee and Penthouse magazine story that entails went out the window when she shoved what seemed to me like a very THICK straightened paperclip with a qtip head up my urethra. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

My advice: Don’t get the chlamidia test unless you think you have it.

[Flowers]

My friend Jesse calls it “The Herp.”

He also uses it as an adjective. “Oh, dude, don’t go to Monday’s, that bar is the herp. That’s it, I’m calling it Herpdays. It’s on the list with Herper’s, The Herp Shed, Herp Street Herp, and The Herpza. I know I call it the Herpza because it is but I totally still like that place. So?”

[jeffd]

Some folks I used to hang out with on IRC referred to HIV as “The Hivvy” which was pretty hysterical the first time.

[LesJarvis]

Sometimes when I just feel like saying something in poor taste, and someone asks “are you sure?” I respond “HIV positive!”

[SlainteMhath]

I find it totally ironic that extarbags’ dating thread has become an STD discussion forum and he never even slept with any of these women.

[TimElhajj]

My friend Jesse calls it “The Herp.”

I’ve heard the “Clap of the Yap.”

Although obviously the sores on your mouth aren’t as bad as the ones on your crank.

[Leah_C]

Not yet. Cross fingers!

After I “dated” her it got me to thinking. I used to be waaaaaay more promiscuious back then. So I went in and got the full battery of tests. I even got the chlamidia one. Not for the squeamish. The doctor actually recommended I not get the test because she said I’d know if I had it and it was uncomfortable. I told her I wanted to be sure anyway.

Any thoughts of this relatively cute, young female doctor touching my pee pee and Penthouse magazine story that entails went out the window when she shoved what seemed to me like a very THICK straightened paperclip with a qtip head up my urethra. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

My advice: Don’t get the chlamidia test unless you think you have it.

Either this was a long time ago, or your doctor is sadistic. There’s a urine test now. Also, you wouldn’t necessarily know whether or not you had it without a test. Lots of people don’t show symptoms.

[Dirt]

At least his urethra was clean.

[shift6]

ElGuapo opted for the “old school” test. He likes it rough.

<ahem> Or so I hear. <ahem>

Back on topic, so I had this date with this chickie to go wine tasting this weekend. This morning she e-mailed me thus:
“Hey, I wanted to ask you if you think we might could do the wine tasting thing next weekend? They are asking us to work this Saturday, and I could really use the moola. What do you think?”

She’s already decided not to go on the date, whether the excuse is true or not doesn’t matter. My reply:
“On this weekend, I totally understand wanting the overtime. I did that every day and weekend when I was in customer service [her department]. So I propose a compromise: I still haven’t been to Blue Nami [a nearby sushi place] so let’s go there this weekend after you are done on Saturday or on Sunday. Because I could really use the sushi.”

So I’m showing her a willingness to work around her schedule, but not "yes dear"ing my way back to the dancing the five finger shuffle with Rosie this weekend.

Her reply:
“Cool, thanks for understanding a poor girls dilemma! he he.
Yes, we should go to the Nami, I’m due for Sushi myself, my daughter wanted me to go last Saturday, but I was a sick pup.
So that sounds good.”

I post this to hopefully help the ex-man. Sometimes a yes followed by a no is legit, but when it is you have to work around it. If it isn’t legit, move on. And I moved from one romantic date to another; I didn’t go from romantic to shitty! For the record, I am a totally devoted fan of this show; I like it almost as much as Scrubs!

[dannimal]

Any thoughts of this relatively cute, young female doctor touching my pee pee and Penthouse magazine story that entails went out the window when she shoved what seemed to me like a very THICK straightened paperclip with a qtip head up my urethra. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.

My advice: Don’t get the chlamidia test unless you think you have it.

Having had a cystoscopy (google it), I wouldn’t ever voluntarily get this test (and luckily, I’m a big enough loser not to have ever had to worry about it).

Mine was done (well, the camera insertion part) by a woman, too. I don’t get why anyone would want to go into Urology (but I’m glad some do, at least, given I needed to see one), let alone a woman. Well, maybe they hate men and don’t have any problem sliding a few feet of camera up the down escalator, as it were.

[fire]

While I’m thinking about it - has anyone ever experimented with making their own sushi? I’ve always kind of wanted to try it and (to tie it all back to the original topic) it seems like rolling my own would impress the ladies.

Have everything ready ahead of time. If you invite a girl over for dinner and then spend 3 hours cooking, she’ll faint from lack of food.

[Patrick]

I find it totally ironic that extarbags’ dating thread has become an STD discussion forum and he never even kissed any of these women.

Fixed it for you.

[dannimal]

Fixed it for you.

To be fair, he did kiss the museum girl, right? Didn’t they work out all the kissing details over e-mail/IM before the date? Of course, he had a meltdown in the car on the way home (because of hunger, of course) but at least there was some smoochin’

[Patrick]

To be fair, he did kiss the museum girl, right? Didn’t they work out all the kissing details over e-mail/IM before the date? Of course, he had a meltdown in the car on the way home (because of hunger, of course) but at least there was some smoochin’

I don’t think he did. I’m pretty sure he said he lost his nerve.

[Patrick]

Just got home.

I had a great time! The museum was fun, and we enjoyed some good conversation and many fine kisses along the way. Before today, we had talked pretty seriously about how into each other we were, and about becoming a couple, and had actually planned a few dates ahead and discussed sleepover arrangements (the next one being this weekend) and so forth. At the close of the afternoon, we kissed goodbye and I walked off with a song in my heart, secure in the knowledge that everything I had been hoping for was coming true.

It took me some driving around to get onto the highway, and then I got lost and ended up on the wrong side of the city (not that I minded, elated as I was). I got a text message from her asking if I was home, so I called her and said no, I got lost, blah blah blah, but that I wanted to talk to her anyway. I said that I didn’t really want to wait until the weekend to see her again, is she free any night this week? She says no, she’s busy. Ok, I say, no big deal (which it isn’t), and I also ask her, in a tone of voice that says I already know the answer, if she’s still feeling the way she was.

“Honestly… no.”

Whaaaaaaaaaat? She goes on to explain that (contrary to every perceptible signal given during the date) she wasn’t feeling any chemistry between us. I go on to have some kind of fucked up nervous breakdown consisting of me continually making wrong turns and then getting even more upset, culminating in me screaming, crying, hyperventilating, not being able to feel my hands, feet, or face, and eventually being picked up by my mom and brother, who had decided after hearing me talk on the phone that I was in no condition to drive.

None of this makes any sense. It feels like a bad dream that I can’t wake up from, as cliched as that might sound. I just feel so shitty. And I’ve been hurt worse than this before, of course, but I don’t think I’ve ever been this disappointed. It sucks anyway, but the fact that I can’t wrap my head around the why of it makes it that much worse.

Suggestions for non-chemical methods of getting over this are welcome.

I stand corrected. this is from page 14. This TV show has come along way since then. Thank God for Reruns.

[Kunikos]

I think he needs a therapist. If you start blubbering in front of a woman she’s going to think you’ve been deballed. You might have been able to recover and get a second date with some smooth moves, but after acting like a nancy you don’t have a snowball’s chance in hell.

[Lunch_of_Kong]

I don’t get why anyone would want to go into Urology

Because sometimes the jokes write themselves.