1881

Will do, thanks for the tip.

1882

I have a buddy who went to a little restaurant recently with his young boy, and a chick in a miniskirt seated in a booth across from him opened her legs wide to flash him her bald private parts.

He flashed her back a thumbs up sign.

I never had that happen to me.

1883

Neat. My only odd restaurant experience was when I took my then-girlfriend out to dinner and was actually hit on by the waittress serving us. Did she think I was making out with my sister or was she just insane? And women wonder why men don’t understand them.

1884

Did you get Britney’s autograph, too?

1885

I had something like that happen once. Unfortunately, the waitress was pushing 60, and I was around 20 at the time.

Things were not pretty after she sat down next to me and put her hand on my leg.

1886

My weirdest restaurant experience was being out on a date and ending up back to back with Barbara Bush. She didn’t put her hand on my leg, though.

It was, however, very distracting, because the girl and I were talking politics for part of it.

1887

AW YEAH! DO GO ON SIR.

1888

Last night I went out with (and yeah, had sex with) the craziest girl I have ever met. The whole date felt like Blue Velvet, only I was the woman and she was Dennis Hopper.

“Baby wants to fuck!”

I seriously thought she might kill me after we had sex. It was maybe the only time I really feared for my life with a woman.

I think my favorite quote of the night was “I want you to blow my head off with a shotgun when you cum, then leave my body here for the dog to feast on while I’m rotting.”

This was at her place.

1889

This thread is now under the direction of David Lynch. Enjoy.

P.S. - I’ve been told that a starving dog will wait a couple days before feasting on the corpse of its master.

Seriously, though, leave this girl’s number and contact details with someone you trust who can can give the cops leads in case you get murdered. I’ve done this once or twice when I thought I was getting into situations potentially over my head: “If you find my bullet-ridden body, make sure the cops know I’ve been seeing XXXX (nnn-nnn-nnnn) whose husband YYYY (nnn-nnn-nnnn) is the Austin cocaine distributor for the San Antonio syndicate…”

1890

Wow, who needs Viagra with pillow talk like that!

Was she saying insane shit like that before you guys got naked? If so, I think I’d have been out of there before the first article of clothing hit the floor. I’m all for alternative chicks, but this woman sounds psycho stalker crazy. And you nailed her on the first date, which in her bizzaro world means she has every right to now break into your house while you’re gone and write her name in her own blood on your kitchen wall because that’s the kind of bond you two have, a bond that surpasses mortal suffering and the laws of man.

I hope she was at least insanely hot.

1891

This thread is now under the direction of David Lynch. Enjoy.

P.S. - I’ve been told that a starving dog will wait a couple days before feasting on the corpse of its master.

Seriously, though, leave this girl’s number and contact details with someone you trust who can can give the cops leads in case you get murdered. I’ve done this once or twice when I thought I was getting into situations potentially over my head: “If you find my bullet-ridden body, make sure the cops know I’ve been seeing XXXX (nnn-nnn-nnnn) whose husband YYYY (nnn-nnn-nnnn) is the Austin cocaine distributor for the San Antonio syndicate…”

1892

I think that warrants some sharing. =)

1893

What we really need is a Dramatis Personae thread, which contains links to all the interesting tidbits all the colorful characters around here have posted over the years. Plus it can list their stats so you can choose who to level.

1894

Yeah, I can’t get into the really freaky stuff. I wasn’t even able to continue after a woman said that she wanted me to choke her. At the time, I wasn’t aware of the auto-erotic fetish some people have, so it really freaked me out.

1895

Yep, she seemed crazy at drinks. We didn’t have dinner. She invited me back to her place. And it was a den of madness.

First the “hit me!” and I spanked her, or whatever, then the “No! Make me bleed!”. And not in the “oh yeah dirty talk” voice, the “I will hurt you if you don’t” voice. And my somewhat incredulous inquires as to if she was serious. Then the crying, and the crashing around the apartment breaking things, and the smashing of vases, and the “I’m sorrys”, and the Halle Berry “Make me feel good” speech from Monster’s Ball, then the “Kill me”, then “I’ll kill you”, “How long before they find dead bodies by the smell?” questions. And the shotgun comment. And other comments. And the notes of past suicide attempts, collections of weird things (thousands of empty beer bottles, hundreds of netflix envelopes, 50 or so empty shampoo bottles in the bathtub), inquiries as to what it all means, that life is worthless, that people are insignificant. The incredulous question of “Don’t you know how to hate fuck and love fuck someone at the same time?”. The mention of gun ownership, that ice chilling moment when she stormed off breaking things again and slammed a door and I was sitting naked in a strange, crazy, smoking hot Korean girl’s apartment, looking for things that might shield off bullets coming my way . . . the mattress? No. The end table? Maybe. Throw the lamp at her? Maybe. Gathering up the clothes, looking for possible exits, trying to get my shoes on and remember where the door was . . . then her coming out naked, catching me, asking if I was leaving, begging me to stay, offering, I quote “flesh on flesh, the only thing that matters” and the clothes come off again, and a moment of sanity, then a decent into a dark pit of crazy blackness so deep it seemed she’d never surface again.

Then her offering to drive me home, really insisting, starting to get dressed, and me thinking “My God, no way will you know where I live”, and escape, escape from the lair, into the night.

I smoked a hooka at an all night hooka place afterwards and let it soak over me.

Whewwwwwwwwwww.

1896

“…and that was the last time El Guapo ever went out with a Myspace chick.”

I bet she video taped it.

1897

Roger, you’re correct about one thing. That’s the last time I go out with someone from the internet, ever.

1898

I’m really happy this show made the jump from network to HBO.

1899

Hey who else had experiences with psycho Korean girls…Balut?

1900

Holy shit, dude. This season just went from inconsistent to riveting.