Five Guys burgers: I just don't get it

I don’t know if you would call it a chain but there is a couple Eureka Burgers in California that do “artisan” burgers, including a lamb burger and a buffalo burger. Yea, they run about $14 for a meal. The place also has probably 25 beers on tap and a full bar specializing in whiskey.

Another artisan burger joint. I’ve been to an Austin location.

✓ brioche bun
✓ house-made german sauerkraut slaw
✓ lingonberry jam
✓ goat cheese
✓ truffle aioli
✓ bison burgers
✓ “Kobe” beef

Yep what you got there is a classic fancy-dancy burger.

Chili’s

https://static.olocdn.net/menu/chilis/ed30112c29e7ab2b64fdb99ebf13d565.jpg

The Boss Burger*

The burger all other burgers report to. Smoked brisket, tender rib meat, jalapeno-cheddar smoked sausage, bacon & cheddar with lettuce, tomato, House BBQ & house-made ranch. We. Dare. You.

Does this count? It’s amazing.

I’m not sure that means what you think it means.

I’m pretty insistent on eating local, but will admit that when I was in India for two months I did eat at a subway.

I got the tandoori chicken sub at least.

But when in Amsterdam and my father in law wanted Burger King? He got lots of flak for that one. Needless to say I did not join.

To me it’s situational. When I almost ate at Five Guys in Paris it was only because I wanted a quick burger. I was on my own and was enjoying walking about, but I was also hungry. I ended up not going because I decided to put off eating until I was done exploring.

It is a bit weird to eat non-French food when in France, though. We spent some time in Grenoble and we did eat at a very good Chinese restaurant. I’d go there again, although they don’t do fortune cookies, apparently. The owner looked puzzled when I asked, and then he burst out laughing once he understood what I was asking.

I gotta say, I was so tempted to try this Popeyes in Hanoi but managed to restrain myself. If it had been a Bojangles all bets would have been off.

Fried chicken places in SE Asia are usually very good, if for no other reason than the local populations tend to really like fried chicken. It also tends to be popular in areas with large Muslim or Hindu populations.

Fast Food chains are worth it in Asia, because they tend to have unique regional promotional items, like the McPork or the Samurai Burger. KFC in Singapore serves congee for breakfast, which seemed odd at the time, but in a post KFC-Famous Bowl world, simply seems prescient.

Plus if you’re in Endinburgh, Scotland or Doha, Qatar, I highly recommend the Pizza Huts there. They taste nothing like Pizza Hut in the U.S. (which has improved lately, but still isn’t the same quality as overseas).

So in the last two months I’ve had opportunity to try three different smashburger + custard restaurants, none of which were Smash Burger. Thoughts roughly follow:

Freddy’s actual smashburger preparation is the best, to my taste, by a decent clip. The crispy, lattice-like meat halo around the burgers, the melding of cheese and burger, the seasoning… All on point. I also liked the sheer variety of options for their frozen custard, which let me customize something specifically to my tastes. The wispy, insubstantial shoestring fries are a tragedy and are also just annoying to eat.

Shake Shack won significantly on ambience and “wokeness” vis a vis ingredient sourcing and environmental friendliness. The actual burgers weren’t quite up to par, but their toppings and buns were noticeably superior, and their crinkle cut fries won by a country mile. Though their custard options were very limited, their regionally appropriate specialty items seem very cool, and the one that I purchased was an unusual combination, but delicious.

Culver’s actual food kinda lands somewhere in the middle for me, between the crinkle fries and buttery buns. The burgers themselves might actually be my least favorite by a hair–little too thick and not enough cheese gooey-ness–but since I had it to cap off a week of stomach destroying food choices at GenCon, I acknowledge that I might not be giving it fair treatment. Their custard was more like Freddy’s (build your own joy), but for my part, I thought the actual custard itself was the best of the three, very rich and creamy.

Wow, I actually have all 3 of those in town. That almost never happens. You guys are usually talking about chains that didn’t make it all the way here.

Culver’s is one thing I miss out in Portland. It’s all about the custard and sourdough melt.

And here in Wisconsin add their fried cheese curds.

When seeing the pyramids at Tulun a few years back the firs thing that greeted us when we got off the bus was a Subway (no, I didn’t)

Yeah, I like Culver’s when I go to Indiana. It’s a good quick stop meal when we’re on the go to various races.

We just got one in Boise. I imagine they’ll make it your way before too long.

Yeah, if you aren’t getting cheese curds at Culver’s, you’re doing it wrong.

Maybe there are caveats to the cheese curd thing. By the time I got through the drive through and got home and ate them, they were cold and not very tasty. That’s the only time I tried the cheese curds there. The butterburgers are decent. Their fish and chicken sandwiches are always delicious by the way. I’ve never tried their fries or their custard though.

Fried cheese curds have to be eaten hot and melty. I only get them to go if I’m going to munch on them immediately in the car.