Just got back from the Foo Fighters in Birmingham. Jesus, they put on a great show.
The show was in Birmingham, and I live in west Atlanta. When we left the house to go to the show it was snowing, so we decided to give ourselves some considerable slack for the ideally 2h 15m drive – an hour of slack should suffice.
The coast was CLEAR. Nice day, just cold, and we made awesome time, probably got there in a little over two hours, straight show down I20.
Time zone change – wh-what?! SHIT. So we got there an hour earlier than expected, with an hour of time zone shift in our favor, so actually two hours earlier than expected, so…holy fuck, we’re there like six hours before the show. GODDAMIT.
We park at the BJCC, walk over to the line…and there isn’t one. There are like four people sitting there and we double check that they’re there for the show, and sure enough they are. Goddamn we’re early. And hungry.
We walk over to a sports bar, get some food, come back…and we’re still #5 and 6 in line with hours to kill. And it’s fucking COLD – 34 degrees. Here’s the quandary – do we wear jackets and then sweat to death inside, or do we eschew warm clothing now and freeze our asses off until we get inside? We opt to compromise with sweat shirts.
As per long standing concert tradition we bond with the people that are there with us, a couple kids from Georgia Tech, a couple kids from Alabama, a couple older college kids, and other random rabble this one hardcore redneck with a big ass Foo Fighters tattoo on his shoulder (I shit you not).
6:30 rolls around, we push back down the stairs so that the security guys can get in position. At this point the line is pretty big, but still not huge. I’m thinking the sweet spot for general admission is an hour before doors open, particularly when the cluster fuck I’m about describe happens.
They split the line into three rows with a security officer at each line. GO! Wait, oh shit, what’s going on?! The other two lines basically have the security ladies waving people through, but OUR fucking security checker thinks we’re boarding a flight to Beirut. HOLY FUCKING SHIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
By the time we clear through we go from #4 in line to #45 or so. GODDAMIT. We sprint down to the floor and find out we’re about five rows back. Eh, not the end of the world, but pretty disappointing since we were there so early.
We mingle with our new found friends, and this hardcore MARINE looking dude and his girlfriend are standing behind us. He looks at my Gracie Barra sweatshirt (jiu-jitsu thing) and goes “DO YOU TRAIN?” and I’m like “Uh, yeah…do you?” and he’s all “I’M A MARINE CORPS CLOSE COMBAT INSTRUCTOR STATIONED AT QUANTICO”.
So we start talking about fighting techniques and shit, much to the rolling of eyes of his girlfriend and the rest of the crew. Real nice guy, but he was pretty much made out of biceps and testosterone. Dude went beyond alpha male, he basically emitted a force field of Don’t Fuck With Me several feet straight out.
At this point the slotting has sorted itself out on the floor, and the first opener is about to come on. We’ve already strategized how we’re going to NOT LET MOTHERFUCKERS SHOVE PAST US UP FRONT. My outlook is simple: “You may circumvent me, but you will not go through me”. Rock on.
MARINE goes, “I GOTTA TAKE A PISS, I’M GETTING A DRINK, ANYONE WANT ANYTHING?” and I’m like “Dude, you’re going to lose your place” and his girlfriend laughs. “No he won’t”.
He disappears, 10 minutes later, sure as shit, the crowd parts for him and he’s right back in his spot. He grins at me – yeah, no one is going to fuck with this dude.
First band is Against Me. I have never heard of them, they’re okay, not horrible. Most of us are tolerating them, my back is killing me from standing around as much as I have. We notice some kid spazzing out over Against Me – he knows all the lyrics to the songs, is just dancing and freaking out, he’s wearing an Against Me tee-shirt. Wow. Against Me has fans like THAT?
They end their set, throw out their shit – AND I CATCH A FUCKING DRUMSTICK. Are you kidding?! FROM AGAINST ME?! Oh good fucking lord, talk about getting the left overs. I look at the Against Me Kid and hand it to him and he pretty much thinks I’m the greatest human on earth after, of course, the band members of Against Me.
Jimmy Eat World comes on stage, and they’re pretty good, but again, not what I’m waiting for.
YAY! Finally the Foo Fighters come on, and of course the fucking crowd fucking dicks that want to get to the front start working their magic. Up front are two fat dreadlock having pachouli smelling hippie motherfuckers “casually” working their way up front. Which might work if they weren’t so obviously smelly and huge. Because of their mass they manage to inch their up at least fifteen feet during the next 30 minutes, but they’re out of my reach.
Later on two incredibly skanky older ladies start trying to work their ‘charm’ on those around us. They’re flirting with every guy, grabbing them, etc. in an effort to move up front. If they were hot and young, MAYBE that would work, but they’re neither. The blonde puts her arm around me and starts drunkenly mumbling something and I cut her off with my mantra “Lady, if you can make it up front, more power to you, but you’re not going through. GO AROUND.” She pouts and leaves.
Her brunette friend comes up and starts pulling the same shit, as if her type of skank is going to be more powerful. I’m trying to watch Dave Grohl, and this chick puts her arm AROUND ME and starts hugging me like I’m her best friend. I calmly turn around yell (since it’s loud) “Would you mind TAKING YOUR FUCKING HAND OFF OF ME PLEASE?” and she jerks it away like I’m on fire. “THANKS!” I almost felt bad, she seemed honestly taken aback.
So the Foo Fighters are rocking out. There’s this big ass walkway that goes out to the center of the floor, but we’re by the stage…OH NO WE’RE NOT. Half way into the set a mini-stage descends from the ceiling to the end of the walkway, and now all of a sudden we’re from row 4 to row 40. THE FUCK?
They do their acoustic set WAY the fuck away from us – great for the people that showed up late or had shitty seats – but completely sucking for us. The sound is really muffled since they’re piping it from way over there, and there are no screens, and there’s no grade on the floor, so we can’t see or hear shit. Basically almost 30 minutes of the concert wasted, like hearing a band in someone else’s car parked next to yours.
Everlong kicks on, rest of band comes back to the main stage (yay), and they continue the set.
I turn around to survey the landscape, and MARINE is in some confrontation with some drunk young dude. This kid is up in the MARINE’s face, and I’m like thinking “I’m going to watch someone die right here”. A few seconds later the guy and the MARINE reach some accord, and the MARINE lets him pass.
The guy sees me, swerves, and tries to shove past me. Uh-uh. I’m still facing front, but looking over my shoulder at this dude. “WHAT?”
“I GOTTA BEER FOR MY BUDDY UP THERE LET ME BY MAN”
“NO”
“DUDE WHAT?”
“NO! YOU CAN GO AROUND!”
“MY BUDDY IS RIGHT THERE COME ON MAN WHAT THE FUCK?”
“I DIDN’T SEE YOU HERE BEFORE, GO THE FUCK AROUND”
Then the dude starts crowding me and pushing hard against me, so now I’m pissed. I turn all the way around and we’re chest to chest and dude is trying to eye fuck me until I back off, and I’m having none of that shit.
So in classic male rage, I throw out the timeless line:
“ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM?”
And we stare each other down for a few seconds. MARINE sees this, zips over (as if the crowd isn’t there), grabs the guy by the shoulder and says something like “I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING GO AROUND!”
Dude looks pissed and scared, backs up, starts talking to the MARINE, then dumps his beer on the floor, throws the cup down, and storms out. I look at MARINE and he looks at me and I’m like “WTF DID YOU SAY?!”
“HE SAID THAT I RUINED HIS NIGHT BECAUSE HE WANTED TO HANG WITH HIS FRIEND AND NOW HE KNOWS IF HE DOES I’LL KICK HIS ASS SO HE BAILED”
We then look down at this girl and we’re like, shit, this is his date.
“HEY, WAS THAT YOUR DATE?”
“YEAH…”
“UH, HE BAILED”
“WHAT?”
“HE BAILED. HE’S GONE.”
scared look
“SORRY LADY”
She looks around, doesn’t see him, and I lean down and go “THIS CONCERT IS COOLER THAN YOUR BOYFRIEND YOU CAN FIND HIM AFTER THE SHOW!” and she nods meekly, then eventually leaves the floor.
Damn shame, because the concert was fucking awesome. Not as good as the Tabernacle, but very good nonetheless.
Anyway, they leave, do the encore (Aurora, some cover of “Keep the Car Running”, we bail, have to find some food, hit a Krystal’s and a Wendy’s (good lord…), then drive 2.25 hours back to Atlanta, plus the time change.
Hella fun, as always.