Forget Riddles... Jokes!

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?

A: See you at the corner!

Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week.


One of these pinkies is a boy. What is the chance that the other pinkie is a girl, given that every pinkie has an equal chance of being spawned from the pits of hell as a boy or a girl?

Where’s his sister?

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, “Is it hot in here?” The other muffin says “Holy shit, a talking muffin!”

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lght bulb?

That’s not funny!!!

This family walks into a talent agent’s office…

Pretty Please tell me that .gif is from something bigger… and provide some links where I can see the full movie? :-)

Q: What should you give an elf who wants to be taller?
A: Elf raising flour.

spoilers:

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-to get to the other side.

-so holmes says, “watson you fool, someone has stolen our tent!”

-so the soldier tells the officer, "yes sir, that’s why we ride the donkey into town, where there are hookers.

-and the ant yells to the elephant, “yeah, take it all bitch!”

-so the irish guy thinks to himself, “when we go through another tunnel i’ll slap the english guy again.”

-and then the american screams, “remember the alamo!” and tosses the mexican guy overboard.

-so the last guy in line screams, “make them all ugly again!”

-the 8 ball always goes in last, the white ball always gets smacked around, and the yellow ball is number one.

-the new yorker, gritting his teeth in pain, yells to the chieftain, “what do you think of your f–kin’ boat now?”

-and harry says, “well, i was doing just fine till i saw tom coming out of the jungle carrying three pineapples.”

-the cop

-and the priest replies to the rabbi, “so did i!”

-and the chinese guy says, “iceberg, goldberg, same difference.”

-but the elderly british pilot exclaims in indignation, “they were flying messerschmidts!”

-and the invisible man says, “i don’t know, but my ass hurts for some reason.”

-so the guy tells the crippled woman, “ok, now you’re f–ked!”

-unfortunately, i looked for them tuesday, wednesday, and thursday but couldn’t find the two women again.

-the principal told the teacher, “let timmy skip two grades. i missed four of those questions myself!”

It’s just a scene from Minority Report that riffs on Tom Cruise looking a little like a Doom 3 zombie and waddling down a hall, I think. If I remember correctly, he’s actually chasing his eyeballs or something like that.

Two skeleton pirates are on a pirate ship.
The first skeleton pirate pulls out a book and says “Let me read you a story.”
The second pirate says “No!!! Dead men tell no tales!”

(If this joke sounds like a three-year-old made it up, one did… Not bad for his for his age, eh?)

spoilers:

.
.
.
.
.
.

-to get to the other side.

-so homles says, “watson you fool, someone has stolen our tent!”

-so the soldier tells the officer, "yes sir, that’s why we ride the donkey into town, where there are hookers.

-and the ant yells to the elephant, “yeah, take it all bitch!”

-so the irish guy thinks to himself, “when we go through another tunnel i’ll slap the english guy again.”

-and then the american screams, “remember the alamo!” and tosses the mexican guy overboard.

-so the last guy in line screams, “make them all ugly again!”

-the 8 ball always goes in last, the white ball always gets smacked around, and the yellow ball is number one.

-the new yorker, gritting his teeth in pain, yells to the chieftain, “what do you think of your f–kin’ boat now?”

-and harry says, “well, i was doing just fine till i saw tom coming out of the jungle carrying three pineapples.”

-the cop

-and the priest replies to the rabbi, “so did i!”

-and the chinese guy says, “iceberg, goldberg, same difference.”

-but the elderly british pilot exclaims in indignation, “they were flying messerschmidts!”

-and the invisible man says, “i don’t know, but my ass hurts for some reason.”

-so the guy tells the crippled woman, “ok, now you’re f–ked!”

-unfortunately, i looked for them tuesday, wednesday, and thursday but couldn’t find the two women again.

-the principal told the teacher, “let timmy skip two grades. i missed four of those questions myself!”

Oh yea, now I remember.

Damn… Wish it was from some larger fan made Doom stuff (that did not suck) would be even cooler. :-)

Thanks.

Yea, it was his eyeballs who just accidentaly fell out of his plastic bag…

Two parrots are sitting on a perch. One says to the other, “There’s something fishy about this situation.”

Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle?

How many premenstral women does it take to screw in a light bulb?

7…

IT JUST DOES, OK!!!

A rabbi, a pirate, and an indian chief walk into a bar together.

The bartender looks up and says, “What is this… some kind of joke?”

A man walks into a bar.

He’s in a lot of pain right now.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7, 8, 9.

Did you hear the one about the church lady who was so enamored with the priest that she grabbed him by the organ?