No, I have it right. What he’s saying is, “you play by rules that don’t apply in my world.” Which is precisely the mistake every Stark older than Arya does. They know how things really work outside Winterfell but wittingly ignore that information.
We can profess justice, but justice isn’t reality, which is pretty much the opposite of what you said by saying you thought they got what they deserved. Unless you are defining deserved circularly as a means of undermining the notion of justice or morality, saying they “deserved” it is beyond harsh, it’s inaccurate. If you are defining deserved circularly as broader point, then that wasn’t clear to me from your original post.
I admitted my original post was hyperbolic. I also just gave my definition of deserved, so I’ll clarify things the way I see them: The Starks decided to throw down in a game of thrones. To win a game you play by the rules or you make up rules for yourself that are less constraining than those your opponents are bound by (or you refuse to play if that’s an option). If you make up rules that are more constraining than those your opponents are bound by, like the Starks did, then when you inevitably lose you deserve the loss and you deserve negative consequences.
Just to clear the air a bit, I’m not saying Sansa specifically asked to be beaten and therefore deserves it. I’m saying she made selfish and misguided choices and deserved consequences. The consequences suck and feel badly for her, but when you look at who she’s dealing with you know there’s going to be some pretty severe backlash for fucking up.
Let’s take the guy that tried to poison Dany for example. He got dragged from a horse until he died. It’s grim, gruesome, cruel and unusual by modern standards, but within the context of Dothraki society, his crimes met their deserved punishment. He may not even have known what to expect if he got caught, except death and a rather painful one. Contrast that with Sansa, Rob, Cat, or Ned. Any of them might have expected death or even in Sansa case eventually cruelty, but the actually particulars of the negative consequences were extreme even by the standards their society espouses.
I now see your larger point, which is that the Stark’s didn’t deserve the severity of the punishments they received. I can get on board with that, but still, when you look at who they were dealing with it’s not a big stretch to assume the punishment will greatly outsize the crime. I’m not excusing the behavior of the Lannisters or the Freys, but I did suss from the book that the Starks were well aware of how crazy, cruel, and power hungry those two houses were, and that if they fought with them milk and cookies would not be served if they lost. Again, I think they all deserved bad consequences for knowingly getting in way over their heads, but I agree with you that those consequences were incredibly extreme.
Last I checked, Sansa didn’t ask Joffery to have her beaten. It’s not just semantics* and how we judge characters in a story (even if fantasy), is reflective of our own personal outlooks. Yes, that’s the case. It being a fantasy book doesn’t change that. That you think that what happened to them, somehow is a fitting punishment for their pride, is pretty astonishing.
I judge characters in a story by the context of the story. If it’s a history book I apply our standards of reality to them. If it’s a fantasy book, then they’re playing with a completely different set of rules and I view their actions through that lens. I mean, I hate thieves in the real world, but thanks to context they were a pretty lovable bunch in The Lies of Locke Lamora.
By the standards Martin set, and the way he portrayed the Lannisters and the Freys, I do feel the Starks by and large got what they deserved because they were fully aware who they were dealing with and what was at stake.
*And I tried to agree with you, btw, by couching it in terms of responsibility and what happened to them was in part a consequence of their actions. When you continue to assert deserved has a proper meaning in your original post, that’s when it’s reasonable to assume that on some level you actually find their punishments fitting given the context, which like I said is pretty astonishing.
I know for a fact that I don’t judge people’s actions the same way in the real world as I do in a fantasy novel that is ruled by a completely different reality than ours. If you don’t believe that, fine, but you don’t know me at all.