Eddison Tollett, aka Dolorous Edd, is the very dry comic relief in the Night’s Watch. In the books, he becomes Jon Snow’s Steward and is very loyal.
The Wit and Wisdom of Dolorous Edd
[I]"The dead are likely dull fellows, full of tedious complaints—the ground’s too cold, my gravestone should be larger, why does he get more worms than I do…”
“ Some dogs crawled atop me during the night. My cloak was almost dry when one of them pissed in it. Or perhaps it was Brown Bernarr. Have you noticed that the rain stopped the instant I had a roof above me? It will start again now that I’m back out. Gods and dogs alike delight to piss on me.”
“ There are worse ways to die than warm and drunk. I knew a brother drowned himself in wine once. It was a poor vintage, though, and his corpse did not improve it.”
“ Once they figure a way to work a dead horse, we’ll be next. Likely I’ll be the first too. ‘Edd’ they’ll say, ‘dying’s no excuse for laying down no more, so get on up and take this spear, you’ve got the watch tonight.’ Well, I shouldn’t be so gloomy. Might be I’ll die before they work it out.”
“ Eddison: I never win anything. The gods always smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks?
Grenn: Was it a long fall? Did landing in the pool of water save his life?
Eddison: No. He was dead already, from that axe in his head. Still, it was pretty lucky, missing the rocks.”
“ I just want to say to whoever is voting for me that I would certainly make an awful Lord Commander. But so would all these others.”
“ Samwell: Jon wants to see me?
Eddison: As to that, I could not say. I never wanted to see half the things I’ve seen, and I’ve never seen half the things I wanted to. I don’t think wanting comes into it. You’d best go all the same.”
“ My old septon used to say that books are dead men talking. Dead men should keep quiet, is what I say. No one wants to hear a dead man’s yabber.”
“ Place was overrun with rats when we moved in. The spearwives killed the nasty buggers. Now the place is overrun with spearwives. There’s days I want the rats back."[/I]
