I’ve had this list in my head for a while. I bought a couple bargain games today, and it had one of these on the box, so it got me working on my list finally. You only have to look at a pile of game boxes or read some promotional material to find these gold nuggets… :)
“Game Experience May Change During Online Play”
really means
“It’s great offline! Online, it SUCKS like a Hoover!”
“Features over 1,000 unique and legendary items!”
really means
“At least 12 of them you’ll actually WANT to use!”
"From the Creators of —INSERT FAMOUS GAME NAME HERE–!"
really means
“The dev team added the third cousin of the assistant to the User Interface programmer of Said Famous Game” [I think about 5 games were from “the makers of Diablo,” though it’s funny you didn’t see their names prominently in Diablo’s credits]
“Innovative, dynamic, thinking AI!”
really means
“The AI won’t notice you when you’re 5 feet away blasting around the corner; however, it will rub its chin thoughtfully in the process. It might even polish its gun!”
“BLAH BLAH BLAH World of Warcraft! BLAH BLAH BLAH!”
really means
“5 million of you goobs out there bought World of Warcraft so maybe the magic will rub off on our game if we mention it!”
“Best --INSERT GENRE NAME HERE-- Game at E3 Show --INSERT E3 YEAR HERE–” [yeah I know, not anymore! :)]
really means
“Our non-interactive game nobody could actually play at E3 had shinier movies and videos than anyone else’s!!!”
“We’ll release the game when it’s done.”
really means
“Then, our customers can commence unpaid beta testing for us!”
“The additional time before release will give --INSERT DEV Co. NAME HERE-- time to deliver a game with the features, gameplay and polish our customers expect.”
really means
“This will give us as publishers more time to make them work overtime, prepare patches and then we can fire them after we release the game! Bahahaha!”
BLURB: “–INSERT GAME NAME-- offers a nonlinear campaign … with no end of things to do. Players will have … many choices. Brings a … different … take on the genre.”
really means
“There’s no point, it goes on forever, it’s boring and uniquely miserable for its genre.”
“Intuitive, easy to use interface!”
really means
“Well, it DOES have an interface! That much is true…”
BLURB #2: “Quite possibly… the BEST game of its type!”
really means
“It’s the only game of its type.”