Government microwaves scramble talking heads' brains

RepoMan · April 1, 2011, 5:06pm

It’s not every day you see a headline in the Daily Mail titled “Are U.S. government microwave mind-control tests causing TV presenters’ brains to melt down?” (Seriously, I check the Daily Mail periodically for gratuitous celebrity trash, but this is very Weekly World News (RIP) even for them.)

Daily Mail:

Judith Sheindlin, the fast-talking judge on Judge Judy, was taken to hospital on Wednesday after she began speaking a nonsensical string of words during a live recording of her courtroom TV show.

Studio insiders said Sheindlin, who earns £28 million a year for a show that is the most watched programme on American daytime TV, was sitting on camera and ‘started saying things that didn’t make any sense’.

Sheindlin then announced she needed to stop as she didn’t feel well and asked a crew member to call an ambulance.

The 68-year-old lawyer was released from hospital the following day but a spokesman said medical tests had not revealed what caused her garbled speech and double vision.

Her verbal breakdown is the fourth such recent case and the odd coincidence has prompted feverish speculation over the cause.

No video has been released of the Judge Judy incident but footage of the other three has rapidly gone viral on the internet.

The first victim was Serene Branson, a Los Angeles reporter for CBS, who delivered a completely incoherent piece to camera on the Grammy music awards last month.

The presenter was unable to get out her words and continued to struggle to speak for around 10 seconds outside the Staples Centre before producers cut to a video.

She said later: ‘My head was definitely pounding and I was very uncomfortable, and I knew something wasn’t right. I was terrified and confused.’

Her doctor later said she had suffered a complex migraine whose symptoms mimic a stroke.

Her case was followed by a Canadian news reporter whose report on his country’s contribution to the military campaign in Libya suddenly collapsed into gibberish.

Mark McAllister of Global Toronto News told viewers that the Canadian defence minister had confirmed that ‘more than sifty four 18 fighter jets are spending about as much as 20 and ready to assist 600 hundred, hundred deployed over the an-amount needed’.

His piece-to-camera went on to become even more odd before he signed off.

His employers later confirmed there had been no problem with the autocue but McAllister had also suffered from a migraine.

COINCIDENCE??? I’m not sure whether to blame government microwaves or precious-bodily-fluid contamination.

Fugitive · April 1, 2011, 5:28pm

No, David Byrne’s been weird for longer than that.

jpinard · April 1, 2011, 5:49pm

This would be funny if not for the fact so many people will actually beleive it.

playingwithknives · April 1, 2011, 6:36pm

It’s probably just Glossolalia. <insert quote from Snow Crash here>.

Chris_Nahr · April 2, 2011, 12:14am

Cleve Blakemore knows the truth: the coming solar maximum is destroying the degenerate race of Homo Sapiens! Cleve himself is of course unaffected, due to his superior Neanderthal brain.

If you haven’t read Cleve’s older Neanderthal posts, I highly recommend you do because they are awesome:

http://vault-co.blogspot.com/2010/07/out-of-africa-theory-is-rubbish.html
http://vault-co.blogspot.com/2010/10/human-genes-say-outofafrica-is-lie.html
http://vault-co.blogspot.com/2010/11/who-were-nephilim.html
http://vault-co.blogspot.com/2011/01/you-dont-say.html
http://vault-co.blogspot.com/2011/01/esau-wise-and-strong.html