Hatoful Boyfriend - A dating game about pigeons

The next big event is the class hike, and I decide to hang out with the stuck-up racist for funsies.

He’s such a bitch.

Just to be clear, despite all the weirdness this is a dating game. I am supposed to find at least some of these birds appealing. But who the fuck does this appeal to?

YES I LOVE PIGEON SPORTS but not enough to actually participate, so I decide to hang out in the first aid tent on the off chance of getting some drugs from the doctor.


On the other hand, look at that background. What the hell kind of sports festival is this?

This needs to be cross-referenced with the “Help me find games my wife might like” thread.

Also, this looks suspiciously like the school dating game Angie wrote about a year or so ago, only with pigeons instead of anime characters.

Yes and no, Yuuya.

Did I mention that they aren’t allowed to fly? It’s a sports festival at a school that is explicitly for birds and they aren’t allowed to fly. It’s a school run by sadists.

Fuck the sun, I hate it too.




Any game with the words “ninja doctor” is full of win.

All you’re missing is 11 megabyes of fucking PNGs. Jesus Christ, waiting for this page to load gave me dialup flashbacks.

What is it with kerning in these games? I get that the English text is an afterthought but goddamn it pick a font that doesn’t add half-spaces between each letter.

Anyway, I ace my mid-term exams and decide to go hang out with the doctor.


Goddamnit, game, why won’t you let me be honest about my feelings.

We are definitely entering Yandere Birds Heaven territory now.


Presumably they use the same text layout engine as for the Japanese text, which is written that way.

This is all Photoshopped, right? I mean, no one actually MADE this game, did they? Right?

So Tanabata rolls around and it’s time for me to make a wish to leave tied to bamboo because we’re proper japanese birds (and one human disguised poorly as a bird) and we do these festival things up proper. And these are the choices of wish that I get.

Really? I mean, these three options probably correlate to the three birds I have interacted most with. Which means that conquering by force is probably for the shitty racist, artist is probably for the slutty cloaca-blocking jerk, and ruling from the shadows is for the yandere doctor. So I guess ruling from the shadows it is.

But instead of the doctor showing up, my teacher offers to walk me home since the streets are dangerous at night for young girlbirds such as myself.

He did what now

It’s a cave, asshole, and don’t call me Cloaca. You have to earn the right to address me so informally.

Yeah, that and “nobirdie” made me gag.

blah blah blah 7 mysteries of the school cliche incoming

They keep feather pens in stock at the school store? I told you it was run by sadists. Anyway, I run into the infirmary and catch the doctor and Yuuya having some sort of tense showdown.

Dude it has drama music and everything. Anyway, the doctor is accusing Yuuya of touching the stuff in his desk and Yuuya is denying everything.

Pssh, like I’m gonna lie to cover up for that asshole. So I tell the doctor the whole truth and-


I aced my finals and now it’s time for summer break. I go to ask the doctor if I should come in to help with the infirmary over summer break.

Well damn. So in hopes of getting more intimate with him, I ask him about that rumor about disappearing students.

Aw shit, now he’s gonna look down on me. More than he already does.

There we go! Nothing awkward about saying it would be cool if he was a murderer! Conversation: SAVED

… I am so getting murdered.

The summer festival begins and I am surprised to see the doctor’s name on the list of people I can invite to join me there. I picked him thinking that there’s no way he would show but low and behold.

So then we have a conversation about how he’s an atheist so he doesn’t think he should go but I explain that most people aren’t there for religious reasons and he agrees to go, with one condition.


Oh god, that’s actually creepier than the original request. Ewww.

This incarnation of Balls Mahoney might be a girl dressed up in a bird suit to attend bird school for no good reason, but she’s definitely one of the most perceptive incarnations of her.

WTF I dun even

Hilarious. This has to be intended as a parody, right?

And where the hell do you get a game such as this? I’m thinking it’d make an excellent white elephant Christmas gift. :-)

There was a weird little interlude where I found a student’s id and gave it to the doctor and he was all chuckling evilly and thanking me, but I didn’t screenshot none of it. But that happened. And now it is culture festival time!

Why’s it always gotta be a maid cafe, man?

That’s why it has to be a maid cafe. Makes sense.


This game is more than a little scary. Those giant fucking birds staring at you with their soulless eyes.

Fuck, too damn funny!