I love this quote! Brilliant!
Also I am thrilled to hear your wife will not need chemo. Wow, that is just huge! Big hugs!
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Also I have some advice for your mother-in-law. (Long run up before advice, but hopefully the read is worth it. Lotsa typos below probably as I can’t type worth a crap on iPad) You can take it or leave it but it’s working with our own nightmare mother-in-law. My wife’s father died on his bike several years ago. He was hit by a car at night. A few years earlier Jen’s Mom had committed fraud wherein they lost their house and ability to drive a decent car - hence him biking (he loved it as it gave h more time away from her). Seeing a 62 year old thick guy bike to work to drive a semi is not quite the normal sight though. Needless to say it was traumatic there was no money, and Jen’s mom was already an alcholic and heavy smoker. This year they found a spot on her lung and were positive it was cancer. She had an operation to remove the lobe, but when they got in there found it was just fungus and just removed the spot.
So you’d think her Mom wouod fix her life. She was in hospital for 2 weeks nursing care for another 2 weeks and was off pills, alcohol, cigarettes for all that time though she did try to get a friend to bring her illegal contraband early on. Ever since she went home, and indeed she’s been this way her entire life but it’s been way worse now, every single thing is monumental. She complains and whines on end about everything from her health, to money, her bones creak a bit when she walks, she’s hungry and doesn’t want to cook, wants to be shuttled everywhere even high she can drive, omg it goes on and on and on.
Two weeks ago she came over, knowing my CF and asthma cannot handle heavy scents or perfumes and had this homeopathic oil covering her scar that was so potent it felt like it could catch fire at any moment. I hugged her, smiled, said how happy I was she was here, was going to make dinner, but was going to spend a bit of extra time in another room because the scent was a tad strong. She left in a huff, drove home with no exclamation and when my wife finally got a hold of her she was insulted that I had said anything. Jen reminded her Mom of my situation then she started crying… Literally like a3 year old who doesn’t his way in the grocery store. So loud I could hear it over the phone 10 feet away. It was self centered pity. When she was first told she did not have cancer she almost looked disappointed… She likes the attention. Mother-in-law syndrome can kind of be attenuated to that. Jen’s Mom is extreme and complains to no end. The latest thing is how out of breath she is, and how she just can’t do anything. Well right after she got out of the nursing care she was in the best shape of her life from the exercize. She looked and sounded AMAZING. But she was forced to do it. Now that she’s back home, she refuses to walk or do anything to help her health. We give her well thought out plans and ideas every single time she calls and there’s always some lame excuse as to why she won’t do this or that. So that leads up to what we do now…
Jen and I were both worn out from dealing with this. It is emotionally and at times physically exhausting as you’ve encountered and as my parents taught me growing up - the truth sometimes hurts, especially when it comes from a loved one - but they tell you because they love you. We now remind her that she’s shirked every suggestion and opportunity provided by the medical care and us, and this behavior reminds us of a child who keeps asking for help but doesn’t want it, just wants to complain. Last time she called wailing on the phone because she once again, was bemoaning that day she came over here and I had to be in another room for a bit. Jen told her she sounded like a baby. The crying stopped immediately and she said “Really?”. It was a revelation. She’d been doing this for her entire adult life (worse now) and apparently no one had every told her a simple fact about the way she came across. I’m guessing your mother in law loves you and with no one ever saying anything about how she comes across has never had a reality check. It might sting at first. When my Mom or Dad would tell me something I didn’t like to hear or agree with it took me a bit to see the wisdom of their words, and I would think your mother in law would do the same. As you can see, sometimes as people get much older, they become a bit more like children and sometimes have to be emotionally handled that way as well. Jen’s Mom has been night and day since then. She’s not perfect, and she still hasn’t bothered doing anything to help herself, but at least we don’t want to throw the phone out the window every time she calls.
