Having cancer

You’re all deserving of all the help.

You’re an inspiration Tyler. Hang tough.

One of the unfortunate parts of these things is how some people cope with it. If only (blank) had been done, we wouldn’t be in this situation and that is what they fixate on.

I feel for you. This is the worst part. Up until you are at the point you are at now, there is some faint thing you can cling to for hope.

As others have said, you should write about this. Your posts are amazing. When my Dad died, I found writing about it helped me heal. I found I couldn’t write a single blog post on my site until I wrote about it. It might help.

Good luck.

Tyjenks. Your struggle and your dedication has been tremendous. I’ve debated whether I should post the following as I don’t want to change the focus off of you and others - but I think it’s important to understand how unqiely special it makes you in the support role your filling.

When I came out of my coma years ago we didn’t know if I’d be wheelchair bound the rest of my life since my lungs were so messed up. As movement was too much for heart/lungs had to go through being changed. It is humiliating and embarrassing to need someone to do that for you. Thought I had an amazing wife as she was there, helped the nurses at times, and though she seemed a bit too “OK” with things for someone with a spouse on the verge of death, I simply attributed it to her being strong. Turns out, she’d be cheating on me, and had actually been having rounds with members of our city’s local hockey team, the Grand Rapids Griffins (found out from a guy who felt guilty later on). When I finally got home and was wondering what kind of life (if any) was left, she filed for divorce. Adding insult to injury, she wanted to continue living in my house, just not interact with me or help with anything. She was going to date and this would mean she could avoid needing an apartment. Cold. This kind of thing happens more than people know (especially for younger terminal cases) where the spouse says they “didn’t sign up for this”. In my case however, she knew everything about my condition. Having your heart crushed intensifies every bad thing happening to you, from pain to fears.

Many times I’ve had very close calls with death and have been entirely dependent on family. As the person in need who is totally vulnerable emotionally and physically there is no way in the world to describe the feeling of someone being there for you. Like-wise I cannot properly describe the feeling of being abandoned. If I was not able to move to my parents who then helped me, I wouldn’t be here.

So what I’m trying to say, is I find you @Tyjenks and @tylertoo, and all those going through something similar so wonderful. Being on the sick side is awful, and there is just no good way to tell you how much you being around (and helpful) means to the person who is dependent. Everyone deals with terminal illness differently. When I see someone being there for their loved one, my heart goes out to you and you need to know the impact you have for your loved one. It is priceless in the most literal sense of the word and the English language does not have the proper adjectives to describe what hero’s you are to me and your sick loved ones.

Thanks @jpinard.I appreciate you sharing. Needless to say, that is some shit to have to endure on top of everything else, but also reveals even further how strong you are even though I am sure it does not feel that way at times. I understand all to well from my side watching my wife go through the “loss of control” over things as she called it. I know that part bothered her the worst. The accepting of help was hard enough, but, for her, the gradual of losing of the ability to do tasks we all take for granted. She has suffered greatly feeling that loss go so very slowly. I also know encouragement and saying “it’s OK” and saying, well “That’s what we are here for” can give some level of comfort on a scale down to maybe no comfort. Or even make you angry that you have to accept it and your loved ones’ presence, though helping, are always a reminder of something you cannot do.

Everyone’s stories no matter the thrust or the message have a place in this discussion as it is these varying situations that form the basis of support for so many people that experience different obstacles in different forms.

I had the above typed out when some visitors came over. Those visitors were very old childhood friends of my wife. The wife sat in and talked to and cried with my wife and I had contacted hospice about her irregular breathing. THe couple was leaving the nurse came in to check her vitals and she had passed.

Thank you all my participation and your here has meant a lot to me. As much as many physical relationships.

Hugs to you all and please pass those to your loved ones.

Oh, @Tyjenks, I’m so sorry. I’m glad she’s not suffering, but it’s still so hard to hear. If there’s anything we can do to support you and the girls right now, do not hesitate to reach out.

Big hugs, Tyler.

@Tyjenks Was not prepared to see this. I am so sorry. There are no proper words of comfort but please know she was lucky to have you. We love you and I will hug everyone around me even more than normal. I wish I could do something meaningful for you and your kids rather than just writing words.

We’re here for you, @Tyjenks, if you need help through the grief. My condolences on your wife’s passing, and may you and your family find strength and consolation in each other, in the midst of tiredness and sadness. You sharing your story has made all of us stronger, and I hope life pays you in kind for your candor and kindness.

All the best to you all.

My heart goes out to you, @Tyjenks. I hope the next chapter of your life is less filled with sorrow than the recently concluded one. And never feel that you didn’t do everything you could for you and your girls. Much respect.

My heart goes out to you and your family .

I am so sorry for you and your family Tyler. You are in my thoughts.

So very sorry @Tyjenks. I wish we all could be there to help. At least you know you did everything possible to make her comfortable in these final weeks and days.

The next days and weeks will be a trial of a different sort, and please don’t stop coming here to share and vent.

I am so sorry, Tyler.

So sorry to hear the news @Tyjenks . We had a very brief, false breast cancer scare with my wife that just wrecked us for two weeks before completely evaporating. I try and extrapolate that out to how you and your family must have felt for years and it literally brings tears to my eyes.

@Tyjenks my condolences to you and your family. As you go on this next step, know we are here for you, and are glad to continue being the place for you to vent. I know this will be tough, but I also know that your daughters are lucky to have a father like you to get through this.

Tyjenks - I’m so sorry about your loss. I hope you will let us know if there is something that the Qt3 community can do for you and your family.

Words fail to express the deep sadness in my heart right now for you, your girls, your step-mother, father and all the friends. You are so lucky you have each other to lean on in this time of great sorrow.

Know that we are here for you & whenever you want to share, we will continue to listen & try to help in whatever way we can.

Shit. Tyjenks, I’m so sorry. I don’t even have words. My heart goes out to your and your family.

@Tyjenks I am so sorry for your loss and glad your wife is no longer suffering. Please don’t hesitate to let me know if there is anything I can do.

Thank you all. Much love and hugs to everyone. My kids and I are now home by ourselves. They are sleeping, one in her room and one in the sofa bed which has been my bed for months. they are strong, good kids who understand their Mom is not suffering and we held her hand after and I told them that relief is an OK and honest feeling. We all wanted what was best for her and right now that was to stop fighting after she had so valiantly. The days ahead will be hard, but I know her struggle and our family’s struggle is starting to change for the better. Rebecca’s has ended and I am unimaginably grateful about that for her and us.

I probably will have more words. I think the aftermath may be useful, but whether I will share that here or elsewhere I don’t know. My analytical brain has worked in my favor throughout, but now it needs a rest.

Thank you all so very, very much.